Chapter 5.1

Monday, September 18th was Megumi's 35th day memorial service.

"With this it's the end of the mourning period it looks like," said her mother Sachiko on the way to Megumi's house. It was past the middle of September and the boiling heat wave had receded. 

"End or the mourning period?"

"Forty-nine days they say, don't they. After the 49th day the dead person's soul leaves the home. Since you're not mourning any more it's the end of the mourning. The 49th Memorial day service is when they're really supposed to end the morning but that'd be in October. They say it's not good for the mourning period to span three months. So they're cutting it short and having the end of mourning on the 35th day it looks like." 

Kaori hung her head. That's strange, she thought. Whether Megumi's soul was in the house or whether it wasn't didn't change the fact that Megumi had died. Yet when 49 days had passed, you were supposed to clear away the sadness and the sympathy. 

And in Megumi's case it wasn't even 49 days. It was still the 35th day, so even though Megumi's soul still hadn't moved on, it was like they were hurrying to chase her out, she thought.

(Megumi.... You poor thing....)

Dying was piteous. You were just cleaned away like this. For certain at this rate she would become "something finished." Certainly Megumi's life had finished on that summer day but Megumi's death had just Megumi, only 45 days had passed. Even though it was something that would never be "finished" so to speak. 

Kaori followed with her head hung behind Sachiko who seemed somehow relieved. When they reached Shimizu Megumi's house, there were many guests gathered who, like Sachiko, had seemed to somehow have felt too at ease. Only Megumi's parents and grandfather didn't seem as if they were getting a burdensome weight off their shoulders. They were just as they'd been during the funeral, looking grief stricken. Kaori was just a little comforted by that. 

There was still time before the service started. Sachiko went to help in the kitchen. Kaori moved to do the same but was told to refrain from joining the mourning crew's women. Indeed the kitchen was already full with women attendants from the neighborhood, so as urged Kaori went to the second floor. Megumi's room was as it had been, her nameplate still hanging on her door. Of course it was---at least until today, Megumi was in this house. Or was she no longer here? When did Megumi depart from the house? Would she be driven out once the service started?

(Almost like it's an exorcism.)

The Buddhist chants given were the same after all, so maybe that was exactly what it was in truth. Offering scriptures, Megumi's soul would, in pain, leave the home. With no choice she would leave the home, then everyone would say good grief and clear away Megumi's death. 

(Even this room...) Kaori thought while looking over the room as it had been not even changed in the slightest. (Will it be cleanred away, I wonder?)

Kaori was shocked by her own thoughts. It was because she was imagining the room as an empty cavity, with her furniture and personal artifacts promptly removed. 

"That's.... no." 

The room where Megumi lived. This was where Megumi was. Megumi's desk, Megumi's bed. Even if there was indeed no longer an owner, they were Megumi's things, not anybody else's. The things Megumi cherished. The curtains and bed cover were chosen by Megumi. The accessories and miscellaneous goods bought with her allowance, Megumi's heart would be broken when they were gathered up. The stuffed animal Kaori had given her as a present, mementos of trips, they were all things Megumi cherished, so nobody but Megumi had the right to dispose of them. And yet she disappeared from this world. And likewise traces of Megumi's life would be wiped away.

She didn't want that. Megumi's death shouldn't be something that could be so easily forgotten like this. When somebody died, it was supposed to be a more weighty disaster. One you never forgot throughout your life, like a wound in the heart. It wasn't supposed to be something so frivolous you could put some kind of 35 day limit on it. 

Kaori looked around her surroundings in panic. She had the feeling that soon now the women helper of the mourning crew would be coming up to clear away the room. It was the end of mourning, so by the end of today Megumi would be gone from the house. So Megumi didn't need a room, they'd say.

Should she try asking Megumi's parents? Please don't dismiss Megumi, don't take apart her room at your convenience. Please don't clear Megumi away like that.

---If she asked that, would they listen to it?

Sachiko's face floated before her eyes. Her mother who said to clear away Megumi's death. If it was Sachiko, she was surely saying the same to Megumi's parents. Clear it away, that in order to do that it was better to take apart Megumi's room. Hiroko might have held the same sentiments.

They weren't in mourning anymore so let's clear it away, and enjoy life in Megumi's stead. Any and everything in Megumi's room, sorted and disposed of. ---It might be. What was here, all of it was very important to Megumi and yet adults didn't usually hold any respect for what children called "important things"

"That's no good, something like that."

At least something, Megumi thought, her eyes wandering the room. Before it was disposed of, Kaori had to take something from here for safe keeping. Yes---she should do that. Some souvenir of Megumi. Kaori wouldn't forget. She wouldn't put her away. She would cherish and preserve "Megumi."

Her eyes looked aroudn the desk. The calendar beneath the desk mat was still on August. Megumi's calendar was halted there. When she had put it in place, she probably didn't think that this would be the last month. There was a text book she was only a third of the way through, stationary with an unopened seal on it. 

(....Megumi's not here anymore.)

Kaori examined Megumi's shelves and drawers, searching for "Megumi" herself. All she found were nothing but fragments of Megumi, making her realize all the more that Megumi was no long here. There was no Megumi. That existence had vanished. What remains here were fragments that were far far short of "Megumi."

Searching about her as if about to cry, Kaori's hand stopped. Beneath the deskmat, within the calendar she found the postcard. 

Megumi's writing. A late summer greeting written for him. Only having it written, without being able to send it, Megumi died. Even though it was so precisely written. 

(Megumi.... you wanted to send this, didn't you?)

Thinking of that, the tears spilled out. While crying, Kaori snuck it into her pouch. This was short of "Megumi" Even this was not "Megumi." But, Megumi wouldn't want her family to see this. If her room was being taken apart it would be found, and then this unsent late summer greeting would be thrown straight away. That was the one thing she didn't want to let happen.

"It's all right, Megumi...." She wouldn't let them throw it away. She hugged her pouch closely. "...Let's go home together."

She'd bring her back to her house. After today, she couldn't be here anymore after all. Until that 49th day, she could be in Kaori's room. Until the day she naturally went off somewhere far away.

"It's all right, I won't clear you away."