The Pain of Being a Madwoman

Leila hugged her pillow tight as she shivered and pleaded. "Please stop" she whispered 

She was tired, exhausted from all the fears, hallucinations, memories and mostly pain. She was too far broken. She was too far evil to even appreciate finding her family. The family she had been looking for but stopped because of fear.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of another round of pain.

She did not want to feel the pain she would get if she met them and they rejected her. Now? Now, she has found them. They were messed up but she could not appreciate knowing. She hated knowing. She wished she never knew. She wished till forever she never found them.

She was a monster.

Leila, Leila Astra was a monster and she caused it for herself. She made herself a monster by trusting a monster. By sleeping with a monster and worst, falling in love with that same monster.