They Are Wrong?

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"What do you mean you want to know everything that happened? I thought you were still in hospital and need to have some special care, boss? I don't think this is the right time for all this drama. Take it all slow and everything will be okay, trust me, nothing Is worth going all through that trouble, when everything is fine, I will tell you what's going on."

I don't want to wait for anything, I want to know the truth and the truth, want now. I can't trust anyone around me. The person I thought was the love of my life just told me that he slept with the same girl who I hated, secondly, the lady I thought was close to me as a sister is not my sister but she was a lady who thought that I messed up her whole life after some allegations.  I mean who won't be mad after that? 

That's why I came to my office the moment I woke up this morning, I am not going to spend another minute with liars and pretenders around me. If they can't tell me what happened, they can as well just get lost out of my life, instead of pretending to care about me. 

I know it's hard to tell someone the truth but I don't expect the same people who hated you and accused you of being a whore to be the same friend. They say, keep your friends close but your enemies closer, men I hate that saying, because I and my enemies will never be closed, we will hate each other for a simple reason that I don't know of. 

Dan was looking at me, I know he didn't expect me at this time, but the whole night, I had been thinking of him. I felt like he was my support system and the only person I can rely on.

Nothing is wrong with me, I am a big woman and I can fight shit like a big woman. That's why I have Dan here making sure that I know everything. I don't have second thoughts about him, in case I had second doubts, I could have sensed it straight away.

Dan sits on the chair opposite mine and looks at me, I don't know where he will start, but he can start from anywhere. The main point here is to arrive at the truth. I know I did a stupid thing, but I know my body would have done a stupid thing if it didn't fight all it can. Maybe someone made sure that I was broken and couldn't be mended again. I was like a mirror, once broken, you can't collect all the pieces together to make one clear mirror again. 

"Dee, you are the strongest woman I know. This is not going to be helpful, I mean you are going to take me back to the memories of why someone messed you up, I didn't want that for you. I believe that you will be okay starting at this point."

Is he testing my temper? I mean, if I wanted to start at this point, I could have kept quiet and enjoyed being in Jake's chest not here trying to get answers to things that are disturbing me, is that for someone fine? No, and I will persist until I know everything. 

I clench my fist under the table, my eyes suddenly turn red I dont know why. I want to hit the table but I can't. I am afraid he will notice my anger and call Jake. Maybe Jake told him to look after me because he thinks I am a child who can't do anything. Let's not make him think like that.

Luckily for him, I don't do anything, I smile and he gives me some space. Yeah, I need one but I am not done with him. 

I check my computer and recheck it. I know how to identify if someone has placed a bug in it and I find no bug. Hoping to my laptop, there is none, though I feel like someone tried several passwords from different sites, it doesn't show that it allowed the person in. 

I decided to go through every file on my laptop because my computer doesn't have anything. I come through pictures, a lot of them, a bunch of pictures, of me together with the people I have called family, we were happy, maybe before all this drama. I try to touch them but these are just pictures and can't be touched.  

I hear a knock on my door, I welcome the person without looking at them. Right now, the easiest way to identify people without looking at them is by the scent or perfume they are wearing. 

What do you want, Pete, did they send you again to make sure I don't pop another pill in my mouth and get the second amnesia I would love to have amnesia for the rest of my life only that can't because I remember what happened in my life before I popped some stupid tablets in my mouth. 

I throw my eyes at him. He is standing at the door, he is not fully in. It seems like he is undecided whether to walk in and talk to me or to just turn around and go home. Maybe he should try and tell me a type of stupid human being I am for popping those pills in my body.

He sits and plays with his fingers like a shy school girl who still can't believe that the boy who is speaking to him wants to go and have sex with him and later boast to his friends that he fucked her.

"That is not my angel, Dee, I know you had your reason, I know you fought very hard, and believe me, if someone was in your shoes, you couldn't have made it this far, they could have given up the moment they started. I am here because I am mad at myself and at my family for doing something like this to their sister. You were our sister, Dee and nothing can change that. You were like the last born and I hated every moment we treated you like shit, the moment everyone pointed a finger at you for some stupid allegations that were not true. You fought very hard to clear your name but some people don't stop. I am sorry."

Should I smile, you know I have mastered the art of smiling without anyone knowing that I am smiling and at the same time I am just normal. What type of apology are they telling me at this point? I know for the starter, no one believed me, maybe Dominic was the only person who didn't throw a finger at me but for Pete, he was dancing with his faith, one leg was in and the other leg was out because he didn't believe me. He is still dancing through, he is not sure yet whether to trust me or to just let me go. I am okay with both. He can let me go and focus on his life.

           Thanks for the apology, are you okay now? You may leave.

I focused on the laptop in front of me. Maybe it's time to kick out pretenders. I don't care. 

"Dee, what the hell, are you okay, I mean you are mad that you finals realized the type of asshole we are but that doesn't mean that you should be mad or anything, try and listen to people out, it's good."

Maybe if they could have listened to me, I could be here trying to think and remember the type of people who messed me up. Didn't you think? I was accused of fucking Bob, I remember Pete, Fern lied about some false documents of how I paid a doctor to fix my virginity. How could I have solved that problem? Weren't you the one who got the results? You told me that you couldn't believe what I did. I still remember. Right now, you all want me to act as if I am okay with everything, excuse me, I am not. This is where I wish I was okay and I don't need any of you to remind me that I was sick and tried to pop a pill to get out of this world. Pete, I am comfortable where I am, I don't need help at this moment I don't need pity at this moment, maybe you all should feel the way I felt!

Was I angry, hell yeah,  like a bitch on heat and can't get the dog to give her what she wants? Can I bite? Very painfully and I have just started.

Pete locked the door and sat near me, his face was surprised. Oh, I know this was never me before I popped those pills but realizing the type of soft-hearted bitch I was to have people walk over me, is not going to happen. They will say I was not straight enough. Maybe, this is me not straight enough for them to walk on, and no human being is going to walk on me as they want. No, they are not going to even step on me like some trash, I will act high but in the end, I know my worth. 

"Dee, stop this, what's all the madness with you? Are you trying to kill yourself again?"

Haha, what's wrong with you? I tried and it failed because I am worth than a dead person in a coffin where people are going to look at and say some stupid things about! I am not trying to kill myself and that was stupid, I am here because I am strong, I will show you that I can finally shout. You guys can't be here trying to mess me up like  I am stupid, no!

Teah, I am not stupid. I can handle things on my own and if they think I am some duster they can mop with me around then they are wrong!

"Are you mad that we were mad at you? Dee, everyone was mad at you for that video. I mean no one knew that it was a fake."

Pete, have you heard anyone confront Jake for trying to paint me as the bad person? No, I remember he was the person who placed the flash and asked the tech guy to play it. All that time all the blame was thrown at me, not even a single one at Jake, why, because I am an outsider, a girl who is helpless and wants to make it out in the world but that stupid tape. Have you even talked about how wrong Jake was? Hell no, why would you, yet he is your boss, you have his back and you are local to him. Give me a break Pete.

Pete sighed in frustration while playing his left leg under the table, I could feel the irritation that came with it, if he wanted to release it, he better look ok for another place to do this, not in my office because I don't have time for that little drama. 

"I know you are mad at everyone, you think you are strong for the world Dee, I know you are strong but don't take the 'tit for tat game, Dee, I love you as my sister. I have seen all the struggles you've gone through. Just three months ago Claire was beating herself up for being an ass to you and wanted to forgive you, everyone forgot their beef with you the moment they realized you were on the verge of your death bed, they did all they could. Claire was the person who made sure you were found, Jake was broke and was shouting all over the place, he would punch anything to have you alive, and he would have shouted at the doctor when they didn't give you something to make you relaxed. Every second of his life was spent with him by his side. He will sing some stupid song that would wake you up, he would tell you some silly stories of how things were. He would say sorry when he didn't even do a bad thing, Dee. I feel like you are trying to be over yourself If you think no one cares about you. Your family is everything and we are beside you. Don't throw us, don't think we don't care, we make mistakes and we are here asking for forgiveness. Give us a chance, to make things right, Dee, don't throw us away."

I need to be alone Pete, I need to think about how I am going to save my business from the hands of people who thought that my investors are going to withdraw and leave me all alone here. I have a business to run, maybe go back and tell Jake you have convinced me and lie that I agree to cooperate because it seems your work is to follow every stupid thing you are told to do. Bye, the door is there and you closed it alone. 

I didn't want to hear anything from anyone at this point. People think that they can step on you every second they get. I don't want anything to do with them. Maybe he can go tell them that. 

'Maybe, he is correct. You are taking this to be a tit for that game. You don't want to allow people in because you are scared of the outcome, you are scared they are going to leave you again, so you are acting tough, you are treating them, the same way they treated you. Quit with the hatred Dee, that's not you. You are not vengeful, you are a simple person, who believes that being good is everything.'

I don't remember asking for your opinion, you can as well go back to your sinkhole like nothing happened, when I need you, you don't show your face, right now you are trying to tell me how wrong I can be, how about how fragile you have been, I don't want you running through my mind for nothing. You can as well die and let' me be.

'You know I am the reason you are alive, right? I stayed with you to make sure you don't lose it, made sure I looked over you, me as the brain, you can't do away with me. As much as you want to think you are superior, you are not, but what  I say? I am going to keep quiet, do what you think with your stupid head, whatever that you want to.'

I can't believe my emotions here want to think for me. what am thinking, they are supposed to be supportive, I am strong and not fragile, that should nee their lessons. If they think I am the normal Dee, then guess what,  no! The normal Dee died and right now, the harsh and shouting Dee is alive.