LET'S PUT OUR DESIRE AND LUST......

Well, well, should I prepare my tear duct so that my tears may be made special before they stare hailing down here? 

Wait, has someone ever told you that 'we need to talk' and the message itself sends chills and the pit of your stomach is churning it's like you want to use the bathroom very bad but you know quite well that nothing is going to come out and you can't even use the bathroom because you fear that they might leave and never turn to look at your face? 

If you have not reached here, trust me it's a process you don't want to go through.

My appetite decided to jump out and walk away, the food I was chewing felt like sand being forced inside my throat and it's hurting like a bitch!

My mouth become tasteless, I couldn't taste even my saliva and my heart kept beating too fast I bet it had already lost threes heats, wait now this is the fourth one, fuck!

Looking at Jake on the other side, he is well collected. His face was well designed to make me see no fear, no regret and even no concern at all. 

Who keeps such a straight face without glitches and coughing one second and seconds changed to minutes because the food in the throat is stuck and you need water to forcefully drive it into your belly.

"Excuse," I picked the glass of water and took a big gulp making a loud noise from my gulping made him throw a questioning look as his brows scrunched together and his forehead started to form some deep furrows. 

Maybe I could have just let him place that wine in front of me, we wouldn't be at this point of embarrassing ourselves over this situation.

Argh, I hate myself now.

Closing my eyes, I counted one, two three, assuming an okay face without any emotions like this dude on the other side with no heart in front of me I faced him.

"Okay, it's okay, lllllllllets l—listen to each others opinion," I told him.

Fuck must the stuttering block begin right now? I was just doing good, what the fuck!

He threw me another glance but later concealed it with a smile and placed his hands on the table. 

"I think we misunderstood each other when I told you that we should start slowly," he began. 

Wait, why do I feel like he is forcing words out of his cute mouth?

And here I thought I was the only nervous being in front of him, just looking at how he is is struggling to let out his words as he massaged the back of his neck, did I tell you he is even avoiding my eyes? It's just so bad but it makes me feel powerful.

If that qualifies as having power I bet it is.

"Sweetheart, don't get ahead of yourself, probably he is just tired what do you want him to do, force his eyelids to look at you?" Shouted the mini_me.

"Hell no, go back, go back now! You crawled away when I needed you so leave come back later when I will need to collect my tears and make a bullet out of it to kill the human who has just broken my heart!" I told her.

I might be pushing her away but sometimes I need to do that. They say friends are supposed to support each other no matter what but for her, she is disqualified as one of those friends.

He cleared his throat and now his eyes focused on me, no, I quickly avoided his gaze and looked at the food that was going to waste after I wasted my time and energy to make it delicious. 

"I think we are going too far Diana, you want my love but I can't give it to you, it already belongs to someone else."

How can he say that? How can he say that his heart belongs to someone else? Then where does mine belong? Just inside my body or was it not given a better half who is going to take care of it?

This is so unfair, this is not good, we fight for equality and this feels the opposite of equality. 

If he is the one I want, his heart should belong to me, Right?

Or maybe I was not even made out of his rib and I am here mopping about some silly stuff. This is so fucked up.

"I told you not to get attached, look at your miserable self Diana, you look pathetic in front of him. You are forcing small issues that don't need to be forced. I think I liked it better when we get married in our romance novels somewhere in the Maldives, and had our honeymoon at Bora Bora before surfing across the pacific and then flying back to Hawaii and taking some margarita before we settled back home!" Mocked my mini-me from her hideout.

Okay, here we are with the bad-mouthing.

"So, Diana, as I was saying," I was removed from my trail of thoughts by his voice. I nodded as I loosely hunged my head down waiting for another heartbreaking word from him.

My heart was still beating, I knew this wasn't going to end well but what I feared was for him to withdraw from the college responsibilities. 

I didn't want him to do that, I needed the college scholarship very fast because it is something I have wanted after I found out that I have an unsatisfied thirst in the world of business. I wanted to engage in the business, be a businesswoman and defy all the odds and be the celebrity I want to be.

Call me power-hungry, or a greedy woman but I want it more than anything. 

"I am going to sponsor your education, to pay me, you will be helping me with office work when you are free. Mostly the work will be sent via emails and I have talked with the university, sometimes you will be forced to have online classes because of the work thing.

As compensation end of the month, I will be giving you a little stipend to support you through your classes. Your work will also determine if you deserve a commission.," he said it casually like it was a normal thing.

To me, that was the most exciting and satisfying thing I have ever received.

"Let me guess, you don't care if you are not attractive?" Jeered the mini-me 

That just brought me to the halt of excitement.

Yes, I was not attractive, I was not the girl that everybody likes. 

I remember in the books I read, one of the characters Suzanne, everybody hated the tiny freckles on her body. She got bashed for being dirty and that was the reason for the condition. she fought with her inner demon about it but had to accept that she is the way she is, she can't be perfect for everyone. 

Maybe  I am the same person, just the condition is different. I can't be good to everyone. Everyone has a type and, I am not their type. 

But what do they say about beauty and brains? Probably after my degree and success uproar, someone out there will see my worth, someone will admire the woman I have become and probably my parents will be proud of me and papa will get the cancer treatment he wanted so bad.

Maybe Jake is not my type, as I am, not his type, maybe I need to push myself a little to discover what is hidden in me, if I can find my hidden talent, I bet I can get this life thing straight.

"Why are you looking at me like that? I am talking to you, yeah you stop pointing at yourself again!"

"But I want Jake, not anybody else. I feel okay with him, satisfied, complete,' argued the mini-me trying to pull my hands to clasp into Jake's but I quickly dropped my hands under the table and forced them there.

"What about you stop being an asshole because I am talking to this person who is seated here reading my story, that I do not even know if it will be popular because of your silly interruptions!" I growled back at her.

She is so overboard and I hate it, don't you think?

"About our desires and lust, let's leave them aside. I don't care who you fuck, who you mingle with Diana. As long as my work is well done and you are doing excellently in your studies I don't have any problem. You are free," that he stood from his seat and picked the coat from the jacket hanger hear the door.

Did he just talk about that as if he doesn't care about anything that happens to me? 

"Well except for my business partners, keep off, I don't want to see you flirting with anyone in my business, it's a job, not a stripping club," he gave out a stern in this statement and I knew he was mad from what happened during the day.

I nodded and went ahead looking at the table.

"Can I get a phone, and I will pay the debt with the stipends?" I asked as he turned the doorknob.

He turned back and looked at me, "oh, sorry I forgot, Dominic will get you one, a new sim card and a new phone Diana," he said before opening the door. 

I wanted to wish and tell him to thank you, hang onto his leg and be grateful but I didn't want him to see that. That will be childish and that is the same thing I wanted to avoid.

He stood by the door and for a minute I thought he was going to look back and threw me a billion worth smile but he didn't. Instead, I saw his body relax before he let out a sigh and disappeared from the door. Closing it and once again this little room was all mine, alone, with no one, nothing to talk to.

The cold food looking at me, with the sympathetic eyes, maybe they were also crying from his departure. The once brightly light turned dim and I felt like I was in a hole, with nowhere to go. 

Who will I talk to, apart from my mini self? She is annoying though and I hate her. I think I should look for another me that still doesn't exist in this dimension and engage him or her.

Dave can make a good talking buddy but tok had his boss had got his hands full. 

I can't talk to my sister because she is always busy with her work.

Maybe my future self!

She can be a good partner, give me some hints about my future life and thee me what I have achieved and become in the future, she is the person not in this dimension!

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The is for reading.

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