Going to Da Club

"I knew this was going to happen." James sighs. He is in the office looking through the files Sarbosa gave him. 

"What's the big deal? He is an SCP now!" Sarbosa says.

"That's the problem. I promised that he would earn his freedom by the end of the month. Now that is impossible." He taps on the desk, lost in his thoughts. "The best I can do is commission him as Archon."

"Ooof. That's going to be a tough one, Jamey. You know how strict they can be. By the way, he looks exactly like his father. A total hot chick!" She laughs.

"I imagine. I'm going to his chamber and update him on the situation."

"He's not there at the moment. I heard he was assigned to SCP-1472."

"...Under what pretense?" 

"I don't know." She shrugs. "It's hard figuring out what goes through their heads sometimes. Like my hubby. One minute he wants fuck, then he doesn't in the next! Eugh. What a pussy."

"Knowing you, I'm surprised he can still walk afterwards." He chuckles. "Well, I shouldn't worry too much. D-9834 has survived 173 and 682. Not many people can say that."

Going to Da Club

Jordan, Gene and Robert are in a bus heading towards SCP-1472.

"So do you know what her ability is?" Robert asks Jordan.

"What are you talking about?" Jordan asks.

"Your Stand, man!" 

"Why don't you yell at the guy in the front?" Jordan sighs. "I don't know. There are too many things happening for me to process fully."

"What are you both on about?" Gene asks.

"Just him wanting know about Newi."

"Newi?" Robert asks very intensely 

"It's short for Nearly Witches. My dad's favorite song." 

Robert smirks. "I see you're keeping the tradition alive, Jojo." He nudges Jordan.

The bus stops and the door opens. They step out in front of a strip club. The pink neon sign reads 'MAIDENS FROM ANOTHER WORLD or equivalent'. A schedule is posted.

SCHEDULE OF SHOWS:

2:00 - 2:10: Admittance

2:10 - 2:15: The Wholesome Twins

2:15 - 2:20: Marjorie Taylor Green 

2:20 - 2:30: The Gay and the Succubus 

2:30 - 2:35: She's a keeper...of Fire

2:35 - 2:40: Intermission

2:40 - 2:41: Sensory Overload

2:41 - 2:45: Made ya look!

2:45 - 3:20: Subject 644 32b

3:20 - 3:30: The search for the Hellhound 

There's an overweight man in front of the building waiting for customers. They walk towards him.

"Twenty per customer." He says with a raspy voice. The boys hand over the money that the Foundation provided. He counts the bills. "Step inside. No taking pictures or recording. Enjoy your stay." He grins, showing his yellow teeth. They reluctantly enter. 

SCP-1472 INTERIOR DESIGN ANALYSIS 

D-class test subjects reported that the interior conditions were excellent. The interior was outfitted with shag carpeting, mirrored walls, a single disco ball which hung from the ceiling, a thick fabric curtain that covered most of the stage, and a single brass pole which extended from the ceiling down into the middle of the room. Comfortable seating arrangements were made available for a maximum occupancy of 30.

Source: SCP-1472 Document 

"Woah. Not bad!" Robert says. Jordan approves by whistling. Gene is fidgeting uncomfortably due to never stepping inside anything very...adult. They take a seat on one of the tables. "I wonder if we can get some drinks?"

"You seriously want to drink something here? Where anything could happen, like the shot containing a Xenomorph embryo?" Jordan tells him in a way only he could understand.

Robert is about to protest, but reconsiders. "You're right. Wouldn't want something bursting out of my chest like you." He smirks. Jordan exhales from his nose loudly while smiling. "What's up with you? Never been in a strip club, white boy?" He asks Gene, who has been quiet for a good while.

"O-Of course I've been to one! Just not one like this."

Robert pats his back. "Hey man, we don't shame around these parts. Strip clubs are honestly not as magical as the boomers described." He laughs. The light dims, meaning the show is about to start. 

The Wholesome Twins 

The curtains rise, revealing blonde caucasian twins wearing bikinis. They are holding hands and pinching each other while giggling. Jordan puts ten dollars on stage. Upon seeing the money, they pinch and remove each other's skin like a piece of cloth. They still giggle, unfazed by the exposed muscle. Robert falls over backwards from the chair. Gene covers his eyes while hyperventilating. Jordan is stunned. After a good minute, the curtain falls.

"The fuck was that shit!?" Robert recovers and sits back down. "What kind of fucking business are they running here?"

"That was...unexpected." Jordan goes back to his seat. "You good?" He checks up on Gene.

"Y-Yeah." He takes a deep breath. "I guess when they called it a strip club, they meant it literally." He chuckles trying to make himself better.

Marjorie Taylor Green 

The curtains rise again, revealing the current United States representative in her business suit. She is behind a podium giving out one of her speeches. 

"Wanna go for it?" Jordan asks Robert.

He sighs. "Anything to make her stop spouting bullshit." He leaves a five dollar bill on stage. She stops and strips naked. She starts clucking and walking like a chicken. The boys turn away. "Fucking Christ! This is worse than the first!"

"Father, I have sinned once more." Gene whimpers.

"God, let this end soon." Jordan groans. Minutes pass, when the curtain falls and the incessant clucking ceases. They sigh in relief.

The Gay and the Succubus 

Now an Asian American man in a tuxedo appears looking through his cellphone. The black haired woman next to him is wearing a skin tight black suit with blue crocs.

"Hey Raymond, I need your semen to recharge." She says stoically.

"I told you I'm not interested in females. I like masculinity." The man answers, still glued on the phone.

"Okay." She sways around. "Hey you." She stares at Gene.

"M-Me?" 

"Who else is a soft boy around here?" She points at the fact that he's the feminine looking of the three. "You got ten bucks on you?" Gene gives her the bill hesitantly. She snatches it from him. "I can buy semen at a sperm bank with this." She skips towards Raymond. "Yo Ray, take me to feed." She plunges two fingers up his nose.

"Ugh. Fine. Wait until we get home." He says dryly. The curtain falls

"...Well that was something." Robert breaks the ice.

She's a keeper...of Fire

A dirty blonde woman with a mask and black robe appears. Without a second thought, Robert slams twenty dollars on the stage.

"As you wish, Ashen One. I will entertain you after a long and arduous journey." She starts pole dancing. Robert sits back down with the biggest grin on his face. The others look at each other in confusion.

"At least this is finally normal." Jordan leans back. They enjoy the show until the curtain falls. 

Intermission 

"Aw. Come on! I wanted an encore!" Robert pouts. 

"I guess we are in an intermission." Gene tells him.

"I like how you guys are doing well after those fuckfest." Jordan smiles.

"I've long accepted the weird shit we gotta deal with. If we can get another waifu like that, then I'm chillin." Robert laughs.

"I'm still trying to process everything. Like are they actually from another world or is that just people playing as those characters?" Gene thinks.

"Best not to put too much thought into it, if you wanna stay sane." Jordan says. They have a small conversation until the light dims again.

Sensory Overload 

This time there's only a boombox on the stage. Robert and Gene start convulsing.

"What's wrong with you guys!?" Jordan checks on them. Their eyes are rolled back. They have a smile and their bottom starts dampening. After seconds, the curtain falls.

"Awooooo! That was intense!" Robert starts clapping.

"U-Um...what just happened?" Gene regains his breath. Noticing the wet spot, he covers himself. Blushing furiously. 

"I don't know. Y'all just started to shake around and I was worried." Jordan sighs in relief.

"Really? How come you weren't affected by it?" Robert asks.

Made ya look!

Before Jordan could answer, a red headed woman is standing with a blanket covering her. Since he was already standing, Jordan slides a five dollar bill. Nothing happens. Confused, he puts five more. Still nothing. 

"I guess she's not interested." Jordan turns towards the guys. They react in surprise. He looks behind, the woman is still covered. He faces them. They react again.

"I've never seen such an amazing body in my life!" Robert praises.

"It's...beautiful." Gene wipes the tears.

Jordan turns back around. She has her blanket on. "Seriously? I pay you and you don't show me?" She sticks her tongue out at him. He is starting to get aggravated. The curtains fall. "Ten bucks down the drain." He grumbles before sitting back.

Subject 644 32b 

A pregnant woman with black hair is chained up. She is on the floor, moaning weakly. They are extremely uncomfortable. 

"Is this part of the show?" Gene nervously asks. They really don't want to put any money, but Robert bites the bullet and puts ten dollars. 

The woman starts hollering and flailing around. They stand back, not wanting to be near whatever happens. She screeches to the high heavens, until a baby plops out of her and lands on the floor. Robert yells, Gene passes out and Jordan is completely flabbergasted. The baby then uses the umbilical cord to lasso the money.

"Sweet! We got the money to finally get that PS5 I've always wanted!" The baby says in a deep manly voice.

"See son? You always get what you want if you work hard for it." The woman says in between breaths.

"Thanks mommy! You're the best mother in the world!" The baby proceeds to climb back from where they came from. Robert and Jordan look away.

"NonononoNONONO! I will not live to witness that fucking shit!" Robert freaks out.

"I hope the next prescription is stronger to make me forget, dammit!" Jordan bangs his head against the wall. To their relief, the curtain falls. 

Gene wakes up. "Did I miss something?" 

"Nope!" They answer while helping him up.

"This is it. The last one before all this is finally over." Jordan steels for whatever horror will show next. 

The search for the Hellhound 

The curtains rise once more, revealing four women. 

One has long black hair and has a mask covering her mouth. She's wearing a black dress and is currently brushing her hair in front of a mirror. There's a humanoid reptilian woman that has the same D-Class outfit as they do, except hers is more damaged. She is in the corner minding her own business.

The other lady has ridiculously long blonde hair, and she doesn't have any clothes as her locks cover most of her body. She is reading the Bible. Another blonde with casual clothes is fidgeting with a Polaroid camera. 

"Well, at least none are pregnant. Big plus." Robert comments as he steps closer and uses the rest of his money. The women do not acknowledge his existence. "Helloooo?" They ignore him. "What's up with them?"

Gene also pitches in, but nothing happens. "How peculiar. This is like the other lady but in reverse." 

"Hey man! We need you to throw down your wealth." Robert says to Jordan.

He sighs. "I'd say we should wait it out, but they said to leave here empty handed." The moment he sets the money down, the women stop what they're doing and face him simultaneously. They smile. "I don't like where this is going." 

The naked one stands with her arms extended. "Cerberus! We've been looking all over for you!" She says sweetly. 

"Yeah! You had us all worried about leaving us like that!" The other blonde says. 

"Now, ladies. Let's calm ourselves down. He put down money. We should celebrate by giving a sneak peek of what's to come for him~!" The one with the mask says.

"Yay! Watch very closely, Cerberus. And Newi can also join in on the action too~." The naked one coos. They proceed to strip and start making out with each other. Jordan is dumbfounded.

Robert firmly grasps his shoulder. "Bro. Is there something you're not telling us?" He asks seriously.

"I-I have never met them before in my life!" Jordan puts his hands up.

"They know your Stand's name."

"I don't know, man! They must be talking about another me or something!"

"So you're telling me, there's another you that gets to fuck these lovely ladies on the daily?"

"Like I said, I have no fucking clue! And so what if he is? He's got nothing to do with me." Jordan crosses his arm in frustration. "There's only a minute left, anyways. Then we can get the fuck outta here." 

Gene has been entranced by the scene throughout the interaction. The curtains fall, but the reptilian woman rips it off. The man from the entrance, gets out from backstage.

"Hey! Show's ov-" the reptilian woman grabs him and starts pummeling his face to a bloody pulp. She stands and slowly turns to face Jordan. Her body is covered in blood. 

"We're not leaving here without you, Cerberus!" She snarls.

"Yes. Come with us, Cerberus." The other three say in unison. Their bodies start to contort in a way to make them walk on all fours easier.

"Hey Robert." Jordan says.

"Yeah?"

"We're going to grab Gene and run away while screaming like little bitches. You with me?"

"All the way, bro." They both grab the poor boy and carry him to run towards the door. Jordan tries to kick it open, but it won't budge.

"Ceeeeeerberus~!" The long haired blonde is slowly approaching them.

"Shit! Nearly Witches, I don't care if you hate me and you don't have to get out, but if you want to live, then OPEN THE MOTHERFUCKING DOOR!!" Her arms protrude out his chest and slashes the door into pieces. She retreats back to slumber. 

The Three Stooges rush outside. The women are chasing after them. "HELP! HEEEELP!" They shout. 

The guards notice them and have their weapons ready. "Hostiles! Open fire!" They start blasting at the women, who fall one by one by the shower of bullets.

"C-Cer...be.." The blonde tries to reach out for him, before getting shot in the head.

"Hostiles down. Report to HQ." The guard says. The men sprint towards the bus and collapse on the seats, panting heavily.

"Three more weeks of this bullishit." Jordan says. They all groan loudly.