A good feeling

Dean

After the woman of my dreams turned at 90° on me and left me cold and stranded, in this dark, cold and humid driveway, I decided to call it a night. Well I wasn't crazy to prance back inside and make a fool of myself in front of my brother by turning dateless, so now I am kicking my boots off my feet and wave barefoot through my house making a beeline for the basement. I could have even been blindfolded and I would never round a wrong corner or stumble on a step. I have envisioned this house since I was 12 years old, since my dad took me to work with him one day and showed me a blueprint. I was fascinated! When I got home later that day, I ran straight to my room, pulled a piece of paper and a black pen and started tracing the lines of my future home.

That blueprint has been changed and developed, as my knowledge and experience expanded, but the heart is still there, the core idea, which is a glass encased garden or bird house, how my nephews and nieces call it, in the middle of the house. It is ventilated at the top and at the moment is housing five species of birds, four ruby throat hummingbirds, eight monk parakeets (I started with two, but then nature took its course and I am more than thrilled about it) three rainbow lorikeets, one passed last year and I haven't replaced it yet. I like to keep my birds in pairs but it looks like this species doesn't like to mingle. A set of macaws and another set of starlings. I never though I would be a bird person, but I actually enjoy the their choir every morning when I wake up.

Now its quiet, too quiet. I reach the basement and still don't bother with the lights. It's a clear sky tonight, as you would expect after all that rain and the full moon shines in all its glory. I head for the fridge and grab a beer. I twist the cap open and throw it in the bin under the sink. I have a mini bar set down here, a pool table and a large cinema screen, completed with the newest surround system. The walls are covered in decorative brick with industrial spotlights that, when they are on, each and every one of them shines on a signed tee of my favorite football team. I plomp my self on the cushiony sofa and gaze out through the floor to ceiling bifold doors. The light of the moon makes the surface of my swimming pool sparkle like it is filled with diamonds rather than water. Its my secret hypnosis and relaxation place. This effect usually happens in summer on a full moon, but tonight I have the privilege of experiencing it, yet once again this year, so I let my eyes be mesmerized, while I let my thoughts wander.

It usually always start with my failed marriage. How me and my ex-wife Clara planned to have a big family with at least four kids running around and how that all went down the drain, because she got bored and run out of patience with the building progress. How then she found more interest in her fitness instructor, while still being married to me and how she left me alone in all this big and empty house... but not tonight.

Tonight it starts with my life after the wreck. How I jumped from woman to woman, desperate to find that spark again. How I almost dated the whole town and half of Chicago, in hopes that if I try again maybe then... maybe with the right person, I can start to trust again. I must say my hopes are running thin after nearly six years of looking and man I am tired. I really just wanted to let go. Yes! I say I wanted, because tonight, there was something I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel it and I think its a good feeling.