The Angel Who Remembered

-5 Hours Later-

Finally awake, alert, and healed from her playtime with the demons from Colorado, (y/n) leans up against the back of the cool truck bed. Her (e/c) eyes watch the starry night sky as it passes above her, (h/c) locks of hair blowing in the breeze as the vehicle comes to a slow stop. Engine purr fading from her ears, the Phoenix hops down from the car, boots landing in the rough gravel beneath her. Dean and Castiel follow after, closing the creaking metal doors behind them.

"How are you feeling?" The angel's voice is soft as he asks the question, taking the girl by surprise when she meets his gaze. (y/n) never expected Castiel to approach her like this, knowing full well what she was after Dean explained it to him. Running her fingers through her slightly disheveled hair, she offers a kind smile

"I'm fine. Healing's the easy part" She jokes lightly, watching as a small smile makes its way across his face

"Good-" He clears his throat awkwardly, "-that's good. I-I'm glad you're okay..."

"Hey, (y/n)-" Dean's voice cuts through the air, frustration evident in his face when she turns to meet his gaze, "-come take a look at this."

Walking over to stand by the hunter near the edge of the steep gravel hill, (y/n) and Castiel follow his intense green eyed gaze. About thirty feet away stood a group of nurses and patients, all wandering about the darkened parking lot of the mental hospital. The angel beside her let's out a shaky breath upon seeing the strange sight

"Oh, gracious..."

"Let me guess-" (y/n) sighs, eyes scanning every awkwardly moving individual as they continue their odd walkabout, "-more demons?"

"I'm afraid so"

"All of them?" Dean asks, eyeing the nervous looking man beside him. Castiel nods slowly

"Dean-" (y/n) clears her throat lightly, (e/c) eyes glancing towards the angel, "-a word...please?"

Nodding in understanding and excusing himself, the pair make their way towards the front of the truck, leaving behind Castiel to wait near the back. Crossing her arms over her chest, she meets his gaze. Dean notices the look of determination in her eyes almost immediately

"(y/n), no-"

"Dean, what other choice do we have-?"

"I'm not letting you out there!"

"And I'm not letting you die!" (y/n) hisses through clenched teeth, trying her hardest to keep the angel from hearing them as she continues, "Dean, there were at least a dozen demons down there, we both know you wouldn't stand a chance."

"And you do?"

"I can't die, Dean-" She enunciates every word through a hushed voice, "At least with me, I'd be able to buy you both some time"

"No."

"Dean-"

"What about Cas?" he asks quietly, green eyes avoiding her gaze.

"What do you mean?"

"We can tell him what he is, what happened-" Dean explains softly, vulnerability evident in his voice as he speaks, "-he heals people, (y/n), he has to mojo to blast past those guys"

"Dean, we don't know what will happen-" (y/n) argues, lowering her head to stare down at her own boots, "-the things he did...What if he snaps? What if he disappears-?"

"I gather we know each other"

Dean and (y/n) snap their heads to face the angel standing only a few feet away now, his crystalline eyes holding a strange sadness as he meets their shocked gazes. Dean clears his throat lightly

"Just a bit...maybe for a few years"

"You can tell me. I'll be fine" Castiel reassures the pair, but (y/n) can sense the anxiety behind his words, poorly covered up by fragile confidence.

"How do you know?" She asks softly, heart aching for the amnesiac, "You don't know who you are or what you've done...the things we reveal to you could-"

"You're an angel-" Dean blurts out, a shaky breath escaping his lips as he continues, "-it's why you're able to heal people and why you probably don't eat or sleep."

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" He asks, still in disbelief at their words, "Being an angel...it sounds pleasant."

"It's not." Dean is quick to reply through a bitter smile, "It's bloody. It's corrupt. It's anything but pleasant"

"How are you so sure?"

"Because you were his friend once..." (y/n) explains gently, (e/c) eyes meeting his wide-eyed gaze as he finally connects the dots. Letting out a shaky sigh, he turns to speak to Dean

"Am I Cas?"

Nobody answers the angel for a long time, either too scared or too uncomfortable to confirm his suspicions. Castiel however takes this silence as a solid enough reply. Running his fingers through his jet black hair, he clears his throat awkwardly

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't...I don't-"

"Stop." Dean demands softly, still unsure how to approach the situation, "We didn't bring you here to make amends, we brought you here to save our brother. Right now, you're the only one who can get us in that hospital-"

"That's not true-" (y/n) tries to argue, not wanting to have the angel face potentially catastrophic consequences from gaining back his own memories, "-I can distract them for a few minutes, take down as many as I can before-"

"No..." Castiel interrupts her, voice gentle as he continues, "I can't let you go out there and hurt yourself again because of me."

"Emmanuel, Dean told you what I am...I can't die-"

"But you can still feel pain, (y/n)." He states the observation confidently, the girl rendered speechless as he turns to speak to Dean, "What do I need to do?"

"You have the power to smite every demon in that lot."

"But I don't remember how"

"I'm sure it'll just be like riding a bike"

"...I don't know how to do that either..."

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Flashes of blinding white light fill the open air, illuminating (y/n)'s soft features as she watches the angel carefully through anxiety ridden eyes. With Dean beside her, his arm held protectively in front of her stomach to keep her from rushing forward to help, the pair witness the amnesiac completely wipe the demons from existence as if they were stains on the Earth. Haunting screams of agony echo across the empty lot, each creature from hell burned from the inside out through the mere touch of Castiel's fingertips. They didn't stand a chance. It isn't long before the gravel below is littered with empty smoldering vessels, crusted mouths hanging open to scream out empty cries for help. The Phoenix and the hunter make their way down the steep hill, feet narrowly avoiding the pitiful heaps to quietly approach the angel.

"Cas?" Dean calls out the familiar name cautiously, his green eyed gaze focused on the back of the angels head. There's a long silence that falls upon the group, (y/n) studying the stiff looking man. She notices the way his posture improves with every passing second, hands steady at his sides as the quiet night air surrounds them.

"Are you okay?"

"I remember both of you..." His voice is quiet, lower than before, "I remember everything...What I did. What I became. Why didn't you tell me?"

His voice was almost a desperate plea. When he turns around, (y/n) finds her heartache worsening upon what she sees. His sky blue eyes were filled with intense guilt, hatred for himself evident in the way his entire body seemed to shake as he breathed out through a pained frown.

"Because Sam is dying in there-" Dean tries to softly explain, but is almost immediately interrupted

"Because of me, Dean!" Castiel barks out through clenched teeth, knuckles turning white as he balls up his fists in frustration, "Everything. All these people...I shouldn't be here"

"Castiel?" (y/n)'s eyes grow wide as she calls out his name, watching as the angel begins to storm away from the pair suddenly. Rushing forward, she grabs a hold of his sweater sleeve, soft fingers tugging at the navy blue fabric. Dean joins her side, eyebrows furrowed as he turns the angel to face the pair again

"Let me go-"

"If you remember-" Dean begins, a growing fragility in his voice as he continues, "-then you know you did the best you could at the time"

"Don't defend me" Castiel barks back, looking between each desperate pair of eyes staring back at him, "Do you have any idea the death toll in heaven? On Earth? I deserved to die"

"Castiel-" (y/n) calls out his name through a shaking breath, fingers still holding onto the soft sleeve of his sweater, "-just think for a moment...if you truly deserved to die, then why did you walk out of that river?"

"I don't know"

"You walked out of that river to right your wrongs, Cas-" She explains gently, voice pleading with the angel as he stares at her, "-to fix the things you broke . You were given a second chance...please, use it."

"Okay"

"You'll help us?"

"I'll try"

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"What the hell do you mean you can't?" Dean's anger filled voice echoes down the concrete hallways, (y/n) nudging him lightly to remind him to keep his voice down to avoid any strange questions. Castiel, eyes filled with sorrow, approaches the pair quietly after closing Sam's door behind him. They all glance back for a moment to watch the dazed hunter through the muddled glass window as he fades in and out of consciousness

"I mean there's nothing left to rebuild"

"Why not?"

"Because it's crumbled-" Castiel explains slowly to try and make the agitated hunter understand, crystal eyes avoiding their hopeless gazes, "-the pieces got crushed to dust by whatever's happening inside his head right now."

"So you're saying there's...nothing?" (y/n) asks quietly, body trembling at the thought of losing a man she thought of as a brother to something they couldn't even see, "That we have to just stand by and watch while he deteriorates?"

"I'm sorry-" Castiel replies sincerely through a dejected sigh, "-this isn't a problem I can make disappear."

With slumped shoulders and eyes vacant, the group find themselves leaning up against the cool concrete walls of the hospital, almost as if grounding themselves as the bitter silence sets in. Surrounding them like a fog, chests tightening as they stare numbly at the hunter slowly fading from existence. Suddenly, movement to her right causes (y/n) to watch the angel beside her, eyes following his form as he moves towards the closed door to the room almost as if in a trance

"Cas?" Dean, also noticing the movement, calls out to him softly, "What are you doing?"

"I can't make the problem disappear-"

"Yeah, I know, we heard you the first time"

"-but I may be able to shift it"

"What?"

Without saying another word, the angel bursts into Sam's room, startling the already crazed hunter as he winces against his mattress. The pair follow after him, watching through widened eyes as he focuses his complete attention onto the man writhing around on his bed to try and escape the hallucinations bombarding him. Dean grabs ahold of the angels shoulder, trying his best to try and understand what was happening

"Shift it? What are you talking about?"

"It would get Sam back on his feet"

"You're going to take on his pain..." (y/n) comments quietly, watching as he nods slowly in response. Taking a seat next to the frightened looking hunter, Castiel rolls up his sleeves and breathes out a shaking sigh

"It's better this way"

"What will happen to you?"

"I'll be fine"

"How do you know?"

"...I don't..."

Not waiting for an answer or reply from either person standing a few feet behind him, Castiel places feather-light fingers against Sam's temples. He swallows back the lump in his throat, offering the horrified hunter a pitying smile

"This may hurt, Sam..." the angel explains gently, eyes swirling with guilt as he speaks, "And if I can't tell you again...I'm sorry I ever did this to you."

The words are barely able to leave his lips before Sam is crying out in pain, face contorting as glowing red veins pulse beneath the skin of his face. (y/n) and Dean watch in silent terror as the dangerous looking energy begins to seep in through Castiel's finger tips, throbbing through the flesh of the angel's arm as it makes it's slow ascension to his mind. When the switch has finally ended, Sam fall back into his pillow, gasping for air as if he were being drowned

"Sam?" Dean calls out frantically to his brother, body rushing forward to embrace the man in his arms for the first time in too long. (y/n), following after, suddenly stops. (e/c) eyes sweeping across the room, her gaze falls upon the panicked looking angel cowering in a corner a few feet away. His chest rises and falls shakily, crystal eyes welling up with pained tears as he watches her approach him cautiously

"Cas?"

"It can't be you..."

"What do you mean, it's (y/n), you know her" Dean replies, both brother's eyes filled with concern as they watch Castiel shake his head. (y/n), knowing the answer, asks the question on all of their minds anyways

"Castiel-" She begins gently, head tilting to meet his frightened gaze, "-who do you see? Who am I?"

"...Lucifer..."