Wheels and rubber bands

I sat within the library going about my usual business. Reading like the true goat I was.

I would read a chapter of a book which took me approximately one minute. After that I would then face my head directly to the ceiling and exclaim.

"Fucking idiot!"

A second later I would be silenced by Liliths piercing hiss.

When the shushing ended I would suck my head down. And do it again.

And again. And again. Read and exclaim read and exclaim. I would repeat this cycle over and over until my mind couldn't take it anymore. Then I would fall unconscious. I then wake up the next day and do it again.

The only times I would stop this cycle is to either drink or piss.

It was never ending. All consuming. I imagined my actions to be akin to the rotation of a wheel. Only stoping when the driver halts. Who would be the driver in this metaphor? I don't know.

But regardless. I was the wheel. Cursed to be turned Endlessly by the great contraption above me. Constantly progressing to a location that only the great contraption knew of.

Some would say that an existence described like that would clearly be one of hopelessness. But I'm the goat. I know better

🐐🐖🐐🐖🐐🐖🐐🐖🐐

"Fucking idiot!"

"Shhhhhhhh."

"Fucking idiot!"

"Shhhhhhhh."

"Fucking idiot!"

"Shhhhhhhh."

"Fucking idiot!"

"Shhhhhhhh."

"Fuck—"

"Oh my god! What the FUCK are you even screaming about!" Bellowed Lilith

I snarled at her

"The people who made this fucking society's are retarded! Every choice they make is filled with so many flaws that I can scarily comprehend the breadth of their stupidity!" I screamed

"And you think you can do better?!?" Barked Lilith

My face calmed from its tumultuous snarl of rage to an impassive stare.

"Yes."

"Haaaaaaa. Then do it." Lilith said with a sigh

My jaw dropped. To describe what I was going through in that moment I have to tell you a story

I once knew a man who said he could change anybody. He said he had the ability to unlock someone's potential with just a conversation.

When I asked him how he did that. He said it was easy. You just had to find their rubber band. As acorroding to him everyone had a rubber band. A band of stored potential within the recesses of their mind.

According to him when this band snaps. A human capable of world shaking influence is forged. A human with one or more talents that are beyond comparison.

Acorrding to this man there were three ways he had seen a rubber band snap. The first and most common way was through intense pain. Grief, torture, maybe attempting suicide. The kind of pressure that create existential dread can snap a person's rubber band.

Next. It breaks on its own. It could be 'insiration' from some random event. Just breathing. Any small insignificant thing you can think of will suddenly shatter the band.

And the final way. By talking to him. One conversation with him. And the band will shatter. Acorrding to him he can do so without fail.

When I asked him if he could shatter my own. He said there was no need.

And now. Right at this momment I felt it.

Every hellish memory from this life onto the one before it. Hope shattered repeatedly. Shards upon shards upon shards of a glass human constantly shattering but never collapsing. Clearly in the center of my mind there was those memories the memories of the purgatory of life.

Suddenly the wheel that had been turning ever so dutifully shattered. The carriage collapsed.

A grin creeped onto my face and a shadow was born behind my eyes.

"Hey. Lilith. Do you have lecturns in this town?"

Lilliths looked at me with supreme confusion.

"I think we have one. Why?"

"Can you gather everyone up. I would like to speak a little." She looked at me with suspicion. "If you gather them for me I promise I will leave this library and never come back."

Lillith nodded

"Okay."