Run from responsibilities

Gabriel looked at his friend with tension in his eyes. She'd bristled when he called her the childhood nickname she despised most, but he really did want her attention, and that was a surefire way to get it.

"You're that sure?" She asked. "You're absolutely sure you know what I really want to do with my life?" 

"I know that before you left on your journey, you were sure that you weren't going to sign up for the military. I can't imagine why you would have changed your mind." He replied evenly. 

"And you think my change of mind is foolhardy," She stared at him. 

"Yes, given all that's changed in the world. It's dangerous out there, and I can't stand the thought of you going out and getting yourself killed." He held out his hands helplessly. 

Victoria's eyes avoided his, and she began walking back towards home. He followed her, taking a bite of the treat she'd generously shared with him. 

"Did you come looking for me?" She looked over at him. 

"Yes," He admitted. "The house call resolved, and I know how bright you are, and that you would probably finish your exam early, so I headed this direction when I saw you trying to purchase a snack."

"Why?" Victoria's question came out a bit short, and he sighed. 

"Because I don't want you to leave again," He said. 

"Why?" She challenged him again, her voice becoming combative. "Why don't you want me to leave?" 

"I…" He struggled to find the words. "Because I want you to stay safe." 

"Why?" She abruptly stopped her brisk pace to stare up at him. 

"Is there an answer that will make you give up your quest to put yourself into danger?" He asked a little helplessly. She closed her eyes with a sigh. 

"Yes," She admitted, "but it only works if it's honest, and I don't think you can give it honestly." 

"Tell me what to say," Gabriel tried. He had trouble processing her confession, still coming to grips with what she meant by having 'more than sisterly affection' for him. Was that love? It had to be, right? 

He'd felt certain of it at the time she said it, but the passage of time made him doubt what he'd heard. 

"I can't," She looked at him sadly, "the words have to be your own or they mean nothing." 

"I…" He trailed off, and she turned to go. He reached out to take her hand with his free one, stopping her retreat. "No! Don't go. Let me at least try!" 

Her eyebrows rose, and he absently took another bite so that the chewing would give him time to form the words. 

"I don't want you to leave, Victoria," He said. "I'm happier when you're around, and sad when you're gone. It hurt more than I can say when I thought you might be in danger. I left Klain the same day and rode hard to find you, because I couldn't stand the thought… " 

He winced, remembering the sharpness of the feeling. He'd had a lot of feelings when he was young. He'd suppressed showing most of them for far too long to easily talk about them now. 

"If anything had happened to you, I would have been devastated." He finished. "If anything happened to you now, after I finally got you safely home, It would be terrible." 

"Like losing a sister?" Victoria's voice was soft as she asked the question. 

"I'm not sure, not entirely," He admitted. "Finn is much more of a mother than a sister to me, in most ways. I know that I feel differently about you than I do her." 

"Tell me more," The woman swallowed, and Gabriel looked into her eyes. 

"That's about it, I guess," He said in frustration. "Please don't sign up for the army. Please don't leave. I want you here, and safe." 

"That's all?" She confirmed, and he hesitated. 

"I'm not sure what more to say." He frowned. "You said to be honest, and I told you everything I can." 

She smiled at him sadly, and pulled her hand away. "Thank you for your honesty, Gabriel. It means a lot to me." 

"I didn't say the right thing," He guessed. 

"I'm still trying to sort it out, myself," Victoria shook her head. "How can I know what you feel if you don't?" 

"My feelings are that you shouldn't leave." He said firmly. "Isn't that good enough?" 

"I'm afraid not." Her eyes closed. "But I appreciate you trying." 

She turned away, leaving him in the street. 

"Great, Gabriel, you made it worse," He chastised himself. "Great job." 

"You really did," A voice from behind him clucked. He turned to greet his older stepsister. 

"Hello, Mayra. How are you today?" He tried to smile warmly, but it didn't quite land on his face the way he wanted. 

"Oh, no need to pretend you're happy to see me, Gabriel. I know you're lovesick and it hurts and you don't know what to do about it." She shook her head like a disappointed mother hen, gently jostling a baby in a sling. "I've just come from walking the children to their afternoon lessons at school, why don't you talk to me?" 

Gabriel assessed the nosy mother. For all her faults, he really did think Mayra had a good heart. Still, she always thought she knew best, and he found that a bit irritating at times. 

"Will you be able to help?" His voice was a bit forlorn, but he didn't know what else to do. 

"There's only one way to find out!" She said cheerfully, stepping forward to take his arm. "Tell me all about it." 

Gabriel took a few minutes to give her an overview of what had gone on between him and Victoria, starting with just before she left on her grand adventure. Mayra stole the second half of his treat and snacked on it as she listened, and they strolled in no direction in particular. 

"And then, I suppose you overheard most of what happened just now," He guessed in conclusion. Mayra had always been nosy, but he wasn't sure exactly what point in his and Victoria's conversation she'd begun eavesdropping. 

"Mmm, I think I heard enough to figure out the rest," She agreed easily. "Poor Victoria." 

"Poor Victoria??" Gabriel exclaimed in dismay. 

"Yes, of course!" Mayra tutted at him. "That sweet girl is in love with you and you can't decide if you love her back. I did the same thing to Peter before we married." 

"What do you mean?" He had never heard this story before. 

"Peter declared his feelings, and I was confused. We'd been friends for a couple of years, and it was very strange to me that he would want to change a relationship that worked perfectly well. I hesitated, and made him wait far too long before I figured out that I had loved him the whole time." She smiled fondly. "Now you're doing the same thing to Victoria, aren't you?" 

"I'm not sure," He confessed, finding Mayra easy to talk to when she wasn't looking sly and superior. "She said she felt more than sisterly affection, but she didn't outright say she loved me." 

"It's a difficult thing, to let yourself be so vulnerable to rejection," Mayra advised. "She probably said the most she could bear to. She seemed rather crushed walking away with your halfway declarations today." 

"Halfway?" Gabriel bristled. "She told me to be honest, and I was!" 

"Have you been honest with yourself?" Mayra squeezed his arm. "Until you are, you can't be fully honest with her." 

"I don't understand," He sighed. "I'm not hiding anything from myself." 

"Are you sure?" She tilted her head and bounced the sling with her slightly fussy newborn. "You may feel more than you realize. Have you asked yourself, honestly, how you really feel about her? Have you imagined her as your wife and thought about how that feels? Have you thought about if she disappeared from your life, what that would be like?" 

"I don't want her gone," He insisted. "That would be awful." 

"Well, that's a start," Mayra nodded. "It seems like, to me, if you want to keep her by your side forever, there's really only one way she'd be willing to stay. Since you haven't proposed that option, she feels the impulse to get away." 

The infant began crying in earnest, and Mayra hummed softly to soothe the baby. 

"I have to get this little one home, but I hope I've been at least a little helpful in your quest to sort out your thoughts and feelings. My last bit of advice would be not to do anything rash, but once you decide on a course of action, don't wait until it's too late, either." 

He nodded thoughtfully, already making plans in his head, and Mayra tugged at his arm. 

"Wait a minute, Gabriel. I need you to look at me." She said seriously. He blinked and looked into her eyes. "Hear me right now. Do not say anything you do not mean just to get her to stay. Do not mislead her into thinking you feel more than you do. That will make things worse. Do you understand?" 

He nodded, and the baby began crying loudly, so Mayra moved away to take care of the infant. 

"But didn't you just tell me I probably feel more than I realize?" He mused to himself as he turned for home.