Chapter 1 : At the Brink of Existence and Nonexistence

"Life isn't fair."

This sentence has been uttered billions of times, if not more. Despite differing philosophies, the belief that life, in general, is unfair unites everyone. Perhaps everyone has said it, but that hasn't changed anything, until I said it. Being the sole person, among billions of beings, who hadn't uttered this sentence. I've always felt and seen that the path of human life fundamentally leads back to this. I never expected to find myself in a similar situation, until I reached this point. But, indeed, I said it.

Now, I find myself in an empty place, which I can only describe as embodying the word "void." There is nothing there at all. There was one color engulfing everything, seeming black, yet not seeming so at the same time. I named this place "the Forbidden Edge," because no one else had reached or known it except me. This place was the boundary that separates nothingness from existence. To my right, nothingness, everything there turns into nothingness, its past, present, and future, everything will completely vanish. And to my left, existence, the noisy place filled with conflicts. Here, every day countless different universes and creatures are born, and at the same time, the same number disappears or doubles. And in the end, I ask: What's the purpose of all this? And always, I found the answer waiting for me in one place: above existence and non-existence, or in other words, above the Forbidden Edge.

But was it that simple? Of course not. Since I opened my eyes, this place was the farthest I could reach. I lived through 9,999 lives, yet I could never surpass this place. From the very first moment I was born, there was an unsettling feeling in me telling me that there was something I must discover. So, I fought and fought, crafted each life into ages of prosperity and chaos, and reached in every life to this place, being the only one who did so, 9,999 times in 9,999 lives. Yet, the feeling still haunted me, worsening with every progress, in every life, and every existence. So, I said life isn't fair. Because others live one life, their best achieving eternity, establishing their strength, building their families, and living in prosperity perhaps forever. Of course, I knew everyone had suffered greatly, leading them to also say that sentence at some point in their lives, but it was just a scar in their path, while I, until now, suffer. And worse than that, in addition to that unsettling feeling deep inside me, I also lack colors in all my life. Yes, my eyes never saw colors, and even my spiritual sense as well, all I see is gray.

My life was gray, accompanied by this feeling... I felt like I was in a time and place I shouldn't be, I had a feeling of alienation, as if I were drowning in the depths of the oceans and at the same time seeing others living normally without glimpsing my drowning.

By the way, all this really made me realize that life is fair.

"Everyone said life isn't fair, but doesn't that mean it is fair?" I murmured slowly, realizing. Then I sighed and said, "But, does it matter? Whether it's fair or not, nothing will change, it will just make it seem like life is above me. Knowing that I surpassed this."

And like all this, should I surrender? Of course not. Everything that happened was just preparation, I knew from the beginning that this would happen, so I waited all this life. It was just preparation, and I haven't started yet.

"So, let's start," I said, then clicked my fingers, and thousands of shadows appeared.

Each shadow was nebulous in shape, different in colors. And each shadow's mood was unique. They all matured into horrifying auras, yet at the same time, they were non-existent. Despite each one's difference, there was something common, if one looked closely, although they couldn't reveal their features, their hair was all gray.

And even my hair was like that. In front of me, there were 9,998 shadows, each representing one life of mine. Despite my new births, the fact of my knowing that this day would come, pushed me to take action. I didn't intend to merge with all these shadows to surpass this place, because even if that succeeded, it wouldn't be enough to achieve my goal. So, I thought, what about starting a new life? A life independent of the rest of the lives, but based on them. My talent has always been terrifying to the point where I couldn't measure it, but I always felt that there was a dormant power inside me, and this is ridiculous. But by merging all these shadows with me, to create a foundation that doesn't suit me again, that power may awaken, and may be the future key to surpassing the Forbidden Edge.

And truth be told, I deliberately reached life number 9,999, I always believed that 9 is the peak and 1 is the post-peak, it's the beginning. My next life will be number 10,000, and at the same time, my first life.