Why

I laid there turned on my side. With my face buried in multiple blankets as I helplessly sobbed. Why was I like this? Did my actions bring me here, or was I simply meant to be this way. It seemed as though Life was watching me and decided to involve me in it cruel unusual punishment. Why is nothing ever easy. Why do I get dealt this hand. It seemed everyone else had it great. With overwhelming the confidence or the good looks. The charisma to seduce Life and the optimism to always have the best outcome. With all great qualities seemed to be lacking in me. Surely I was overdue a little happiness.

But, alas it wasn't to be. Maybe it was my sadness that brought negativity, but these thoughts would not fade. So I did the only thing I could. I tries to sleep and think I wasn't the only one with these ideas and I certainly wasn't the worst off person being confined to my inner monologue.

When I woke I was greeted to a familiar face looking through my bedroom doorway. Directly into my disheveled face and hair. Needing to not say a word as she saw my open eyes. She then closed the door silently going down the hallway out of earshot.

I knew what to do. As I did everyday save weekends. I got dressed, donning the school uniform and fixing my messed up appearance. My mouth dry no doubt from the night before. I quickly headed toward the bathroom before any occupants where there. I looked in the mirror and saw some tear streaks. I wordlessly wiped the evidence off my face and do the necessary deeds in bathrooms.

When I exited I silently went back to wait for school to start in my bedroom. But when i turned the corner I was face to face with my sister. Looking through me while I stepped out of the way. She went past me into the bathroom and locked the door. I stared at the closed door for a second before returning to my plan of waiting. When I closed my door I thought to my actions before sleeping. I stared to feel worthless. I seemed pathetic curling up into a ball under my sheets.

I picked up my bag and started my journey through the house. Eventually leading to the kitchen. I tried to work up an appetite. Then thought how I would be wasting food and decided against taking a bite before classes. While I made my way to the front door I had this feeling of loss. You know the one, the feeling of forgetting something important. I tried my best to recall what I could be missing and came up with no leads. So I put my shoes on and headed out the door.

What my eyes came in contact with was grey. The world looked monochrome, as if it had lost its colors. I knew it hadn't. I knew there was still the whole color wheel there, I still comprehended the various blues and greens. But it still seemed dulled. I made my long trek to school.

On the way I saw some small animals. Loving their non-existent lives in the grand scheme of the universe. I tactically avoided them as I stared without stopping my legs uphill towards my destination. Although, now thinking about it isn't all life just as small as these critters compared to the colossal size of everything. Great another thing to add to the list, a hypocrite.

When I saw the tall structure of the school I knew I was almost there. Though I didn't need to see it as I walked this path everyday memorizing how much further is needed. As I was in my inner thoughts I was at the gate sooner than I realized. Huh, maybe I don't remember everything.

I looked around me spotting several groups of students walking through the gate passing by me. I saw a couple flirting back and fourth. I also spotted a huge group slowly making it past the gate like sheep herding. With some other group goofing around laughing with each other. Seeing all this caused a small pang of envy shooting though me. Must be nice having someone to have experiences with.

I finally looked forward spotting a sign next to the gate on a wall.

"Hikoboshi High School".