Is this called love?

I saw his sparkling eyes look bigger than usual, it's true that this man in front of me has eyes that seem wider than most people in his country. The eyes that made me unable to forget them for these four years. It's true, it was four years we were apart that the shadows of his beautifull eyes always haunted me every day.

Aaah.. it's not like that, it's not only his wide eyes that I can't erase from memory but his strikingly tall stature makes a significant difference between us. I had to willing to get pain on my neck when standing next to him, with his height that reach one hundred and eighty-nine, he had to often bend down when talking to me or I had to look up and I had little screaming when I wanted to talk to him. It sucks but this is our destiny.

For more than four hours of the event that was held by our big family, his wide eyes didn't seem to turn to look at me. It's a little scary to be constantly watched by a man with wide eyes and his body is tall as a pillar. Just imagine when you want to do something but you feel watched by something big with a probing gaze, scary isn't it?

"Are you nervous?" he asked in Indonesian accent that was not very fluent.

"A little" I replied.

'Indeed, yes I am nervous, and you still asking again!?' I said annoyed, in my mind of course.

Instead of calm me down, infarct this wide-eyed man laughed happily. And most make me annoyed, he tucked a peach-colored rose between my ears, in his eyes was happier than before. His ridiculous behavior was easily to seen by the people around us, some of them were seen cheering us on and taking photos to embarrass us in the future.

"You are just being like this, they will tease us more if you keep acting like that" I protested at him, I couldn't show my pink face to him.

"You'll be more nervous after our show is over" he whispered softly.

"Ehem, the party isn't over yet!" shouted the people around us, their screams were even louder than before.

He's still teasing me even though he knows since the event started, my body was shaking and it won't stop. I couldn't answer a single word, the whispering words he said make me froze for a few seconds. He's really good at teasing people, even at an event as important like this, he still says such annoying things.

But if I think back to the past, our journey is not as easy as Korean dramas that are shown on Neflix. Our meeting moment was really full of twists and turns of life that can't be imagined with common sense, until now I still don't believe that I will spend the rest of my life with the big man in front of me.

When I look at those happy eyes again, it seems that he doesn't regret choose me as his life partner, but what about me? Even until the day this big event was held, my heart was still uncertain about its presence. I'm still not sure I can bear his big love to me.

I still can't reach his long step, he walks quickly leave me behind. I don't blame the twelve kilo dress and high heels that I wear, I don't blame God for giving me this couple short legs and bodies to follow that big guy step. Indeed, this is my situation which is not proportional to him, just seeing his back which is getting further away from my sight has made my heart shrink.

Is he ready to live this new life with me? Is it true that I am the only person who deserves to accompany him, is it true that his choice isn't wrong? It's not like that, I'm the only person who doesn't believe in my own decisions. Until this day I still have doubts about everything he says about the future, the annoying shadows of the past often come back when I'm indecisive.

I stopped moving my feet in the middle of the corridor of this white building with a golden pattern, I was in doubt since thinking about our next life. My head was filled with badness image as I stared at the man in the black tuxedo who was walking further and further away from me.

I sat on one of the iron chairs along the corridor of the building, my feet which were quite big were only getting worse after wearing these damn high heels. Well, as I expected, these feet are blistered after using it for couple hours.

"Yeobo, are you okay? Sorry I walk too fast, huh?" he said slowly come to me and while squat down, he holding my ankles slowly.

"No, I'm walking too slow" I answer him with low voice while massaging my feet.

"Your leg hurts, my dear? Do you want me to carry you until we get home?" he seems panic when my face shown pain of my ankle.

"No, I'm fine"

The wide-eyed man that already being my husband also massaged my ankles, his wide hands and long fingers were able to grip all of my feet.

"Your legs are swollen my dear, look at the many rashes around your pretty ankles" he said softly.

"It doesn't hurt, I still can walk with my own feet"

"Aniya, Aniya. Don't push yourself, I will carry you home" he forced me again with his Korean accent.

His wide eyes but with gentle gaze was able to erase all my doubts an instant, for some reason the wide eyes guy that always show jealous aura now felt like snow in December which is cooling my heart.

Seeing his big and beautiful eyes in this close made my twenty-six years of memories come back to me. The gentle gaze of this Korean man reminds me of many bitter memories in my life, for some reason those eyes seem to bring me back to the dark times in my life.

Flashback couple years ago

My name is Sherly Desta, I'm from Indonesia with normal face and brown skin in general of my parent. I live with my family, not that rich and not poor, my family isn't look such as other family on my village who like to wear or bought a branded things.

At that time I was just an ordinary girl with limit as other normal humans, born from a common family made it difficult for me to win the hearts of famous humans at school and other friends. Indeed, ever since I was in school, the term 'beautiful one wins' was known, meaning that only lucky girl who born with beautiful faces would win the attention.

As for myself, who has so many blind sides, I can only doing hard to get a little attention from them. You can say if I want to be someone who is needed at school, then I have to stand out in one area such as subjects. At that time I really want my friends to see my talent but sadly my talent was only drawing an anime characters, of course this would not be useful because at my school I did not have extracurricular drawing characters, caricatures or painting.

So I worked hard to make myself proficient in English, I chose this subject because I'm really stupid when I'm doing the mathematics. I always get thirty or fifty at most on every daily math quiz, that's bad luck isn't it?

Well this method is work, I success to get high marks for English subjects. My friends who are weak in these subjects started asking for my help and giving free cheats on every quiz, but over time they hung all the answer keys on me without wanting to learn but if I reminded them, they would stay away from me in an instant.

At that moment, I realized that trying to get their attention with hard work was more difficult. One stupid word I say then they would avoiding me, for some reason I really wanted to be recognized by them even though they never take me to the canteen or just wants me to lunch together during break time.

When I entered high school, Once again I wanted to be the center of attention and watched by my friends. But I had to take a lot of bitter pills, I fail to develop my hidden artistic talent. My new school doesn't even have extracurricular that allow students to be creative through art, once again I can't compete with other schools in art competitions.

The only thing that really makes me happy is make my own comic series in my older sister's textbook, there are a lot of adult, scary, bloody and weird scenes for a comic my but I like it because I can challenging myself with my hidden talent this way I can feel free to more creative without limits and without anyone judging my masterpiece.

I was a sad girl at that time, I had no other talent other than drawing anime characters. I was famous for being a big anime lover at my school and that kept me away from getting friends who were really kind heart, really unlucky they only see me from the outside without knowing me first. It's not even possible to want to be a singer, even standing in front of my classmate, my legs are shaking two on the Richer scale, what if I standing alone in front of a large audience? Maybe soul left my body in two second.

The saddest thing is I never had a beautiful love story since I got to know those four annoying word called 'LOVE'. Ever since I was in junior high school, I never had a lasting relationship with boy t school. The longest relationship was only three weeks and even then there were a lot of haters from among women who tried to separate me from my boyfriend.

"Why are you going out with that girl who look like a ball?"

"Ouch, her feet just like an elephant feet!"

"Is she a girl? Why her under eyes is dark? Never had that treatment, lazy girl!"

"It's really disgusting, how come a girls never use skincare routine!"

"Damn, her breast is so big! No wonder, boys love to stare at her, I'm sure she seduces our classmates with her watermelon breasts!"

"Hey boy, be careful if you going date with her. His brother is very fierce like a tiger, his sister is clearly not far from his brother. You should be careful, they are scary family!"

And there is more haters talk at school to insult me too much, even though I'm just an ordinary girl who wants to have pure love in my damn beautiful school. But one day in January, exactly six months before I graduated from high school, someone who meant a lot to me for two years finally accepted my pure feelings.

I'm fighting to attract his attention these year, about seven months and he finally confessed his love for me. At that time it was only a fantasy world that filled my brain, there were only the two of us in the kingdom of love that we built together.

It is calles love? Yess, I think this is love that I want for a long time. He has the most pure and kind heart boy that I ever meet. He has black hair and soft eyes, I don't wnt anything else but I just in love with him.

Suddenly everything in my mind just like a flower garden. Honestly I never had a such beautiful love story or feel this amazing happiness, I never forget that beautifull eyes always send his love word when we meet on sudden. Haha, that was a beautifull memory at school that I can't forget.

*****