Chapter Fourteen

Madeline’s POV

“You can have it, Andrew, it can remind you of me!” I hold up the blue plush as one would, say, a baby lion atop a mountain in a movie classically inspired by Hamlet?

He zones out for a split second before gently fumbling for my hand. His rough palm encases mine in a perfect embrace, almost as if fate pulled our bodies together, joint at the wrist.

“H-hey, can I show you something?” He mumbles in a low, hesitant breath. I nod, slightly confused but supportive regardless.

Then Andrew starts to run, slowly at first but gradually growing faster. His hand in mine pulls me closer into the sunset. We speed through the nearly empty carnival, the sky shifting its bright colors to much darker ones. We run across the sand, the timid waters barely grazing our ankles.

And unlike the chaotic chase we held before, this run feels so much more different.

I’m not running after someone or something.

I’m not racing after a moment that I’ll never catch up to.

I’m flying next to someone I know won’t let go, won’t leave me behind.

*Flashback*

“Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Where’s Daddy?”

She bites her lip before stumbling to find an answer. Opening and closing her mouth, gapping at finding the right words to tell me the bad news.

“Your father-” She stresses a smile as if willing herself to believe everything will work out. Willing herself to believe that we’d be okay and that things will heal themselves.

Willing herself to believe she has enough strength for the both of us.

“Madeline, darling, your father left us.” At that, she broke down. She exposed her true feelings to me instead of telling an innocent white lie to preserve my childhood.

She chose to tell me the truth, no matter how difficult because anything is better than lying to your own daughter. Even if the truth is unbearable.

That was the first time I’d seen my mother cry.

*End of Flashback*

My heart thumps with each new step he pulls me into. Each step closer to a destination I know not of.

I’m out of control.

But I do not mind.

And at that tiny epiphany, I laugh. I laugh at the absolute ridiculousness of this situation. How much we’ve gone through and just how much more we’ll have to face.

My gasps of breath adorn the air as the sky shifts color which I can’t do anything about. I can’t control the clouds, the crowd, or the carnival.

But I do not mind as long as I’m with him.

I suppose if you asked me to pinpoint the exact moment I realized, that’d be it.

Because that’s the precise time I knew,

I trust him.

---

Andrew’s POV

Her fingertips are velvet soft and undeniably delicate instruments capable of wonders. Whether that be brushing her earrings subconsciously, or adjusting the mount of a telescope.

We reach my mystery destination, a colorful ferris wheel turned dark due to the limited rays of light. As the giant wheel rotates the cars, beams shine through majestically.

I can see by the way her eyes light up in curiosity and wonder that Madeline’s questioning why exactly I rushed us here. And to be completely honest, I’m not sure if I’d know the answer.

The circus had always been a huge part of our history, the perfect paradise to enjoy each others’ company without worrying about any outside activities.

Madeline and I walk past empty metal bars meant for lines before climbing into a car. We close the door behind us and the machine starts to smoothly move us up. She peers out the window, admiring the view below us.

“The sky is so beautiful…” Madeline breathes, fogging up the glass.

“I know,” I mumble, still looking at her.

“Is this why you brought me here?” She leans back to face me completely, eyes shining with wonder.

*Flashback*

The fading pink sky looks like how I feel.

I’ve been talking to Madeline for who knows how long, and our conversations seem never-ending. The consistent flow of questions and answers makes my heart bump out of my chest and both our blushes rise further.

I could listen to her talk for days.

The topics continuously grow deeper and darker, each one prodding into our secrets. So far we’ve discussed hobbies, music styles, fondest childhood memories, and inspirational people in our life.

But gravity takes a toll and our conversation reaches an awkward stop, both of us too busy admiring the sky to ask a question.

That is, until I decide to speak up,

“What’s your greatest fear?”

A bold question to ask, but an important one at that.

“Wh- uh, hm…” Madeline sputters at the sudden serious tone, “I suppose… losing control.” She nods after answering to add extra emphasis.

“What about you, are you afraid of heights?”

“No, Maddie- why would I be riding a ferris wheel if I-“

“I don’t know Drew, then what are you afraid of?” Madeline asks, exasperated, while I blush at the new nickname.

And without missing a beat I reply, “Losing you.”

*End of Flashback*

“No,” I pause, my green eyes turning to gaze at her blue ones, “because this ride reminds me of you.” Madeline ponders my response with a thoughtful nod.

Then, in an effort to make light of a sensitive topic as I had many years ago, I continue to explain, “On one of our first dates together, we spent the night riding this same ferris wheel. We asked each other questions to resolve the tension and get to know each other better…”

“...But it got out of hand and we ended up talking through five cycles.” I laugh at the memory as Madeline smiles at the thought.

“Hm… I wonder if my answers have changed. You know, after losing my memory and all.”

I didn’t think of that.

“Wow- uh, alright, let’s test that theory out. What are you afraid of?”

She thinks for a moment, hesitating on an answer. The car hikes further and further up into the air and I’m about to change the subject before she replies,

“Being lied to.”

Well then.

This changes everything.

How would she react if I told her this entire relationship is built on a lie and that I’m the reason she can’t remember her own break-up? How would she take being lied to for months and months by her own supposed “boyfriend”?

But how am I supposed to tell her when we’ve gotten so close, when I finally have a chance to make things right again?

This date has gone so well… I don’t think I want it to end.

And worst of all, I’m not sure I want to tell her the truth anymore.

After all, what’s left in the dark won’t hurt her, right?

Maybe I should just keep playing pretend...