Chapter Eight

Madeline’s POV

(A few days later)

Navy blue? Or maybe baby blue…? Wait- what’s my favorite color again?

I decide on a black and white scarf to match my carefully planned outfit for the date. I proceed to fuss over minuscule details, making sure my curls are in place with no fly-away strands.

Everything needs to go perfectly today. I need to make up for all the memories lost in the past, I owe that much to Andrew for staying with me.

I grab my handbag and pack my keys, money, and other necessities before checking the mirror a second time. Afterward, I look over my bag again and run to fetch a lint-roller.

Wait. Where do I keep the lint-roller again? Do I even own a lint-roller?!

After finding the tool and inspecting myself once more, I finally make it out of my apartment. Silently, I sit on the side of the curb to wait for Andrew to pick me up.

I’m so excited to finally be going on a date with him. Part of me feels like I need to apologize for not remembering our first date. I pull the crumpled polaroid from my handbag, staring at our gleaming eyes and smiling pearly-whites.

Everything is silent aside from occasional cars driving by. Too silent. I feel my thoughts start to pour into my skull.

Why did my phone have to be locked? I was so close.

Nope. No negative thoughts, I won’t allow it. Not this time.

Why me? What happened? Why was I so reckless?

Nope, I need to focus on something else, anything else.

I stare out onto the road, watching cars drive by and stop at each sign or stoplight. Cars. More cars. Just an endless flow of cars.

Am I a bad person? Did I rob or steal something? Was I escaping from the police or the law?

My breaths start to quicken and my body shakes rapidly.

Then I start to imagine it, rain pouring down on a busy road. Cars beeping and headlights flickering, an impatient air surrounding the automobiles. Then suddenly a swerving car, many frantic drivers, and one loud crash followed by ambulance alarms.

Was someone after me? Is that why I bolted to the road despite the rain?

No, I shouldn’t think like that. I can’t. Not right now, not when everything is finally coming together.

Was I running from someone? Is that someone still searching for me?

Why can’t I have a single positive moment in my life that isn’t overrun by these thoughts?!

I curve inward on the sidewalk, whimpering and barely holding myself together.

Is someone ready to murder me right now and I never suspected it before because I lost my memories?!

I feel my precisely applied makeup start to leak out of frustration and I panic, not wanting to ruin another situation especially if it’s in my control.

Control. I was never in control.

Now the sharp breaths and silent shudders are almost uncontrollable, and the idea of fighting them seems even worse.

Why is nothing ever in my control?!

---

Andrew’s POV

Alright Andrew, today’s the day you prove to Madeline that you're worthy to be her boyfriend.

Are you though?

Slipping on my turtle neck and brand-new denim jacket, I make my way to the bathroom. Although I’m thoroughly prepared for our date, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something.

Something important.

Something vital.

Something absolutely necessary to have for such an occasion.

Oh right- pants.

I pull on my clean pair of blue ripped jeans and proceed to check my hair. Gently gelling certain parts in place, I scan myself in the mirror before lacing up my shoes and heading out.

Climbing into my blue Nissan car, I drive out of the parking lot and onto the road.

Should I have bought her flowers?

I hesitate on the way to her apartment, perhaps I should take a quick detour…? No, it’s better to be early than be late with a poor excuse. I don’t want to keep her waiting.

Should I have brought chocolate?

No, she’s into salty snacks rather than sweets. Maybe next time I can find some exotic foods for her to try.

Should I even be doing this?

I come to a screeching halt as another car swerves in front of me during a red light. And just like that I’m stuck in place. Figuratively and literally.

How do I know she’s ready for a relationship, let alone a date? What if she is going out with me because she feels guilty? Does she just have pity for my pathetic efforts?

Nope, nope. You’re going on a date and that’s final. After all, if she didn’t want to get to know you better, she would’ve just declined the offer.

It seems like no matter what I do or how hard I try to convince myself I’m doing the right thing, insecurity always finds its way into my head.

And I think I know why.

It’s because I’m keeping something from her.

Something important.

Something vital.

Something absolutely necessary to have for any relationship.

The truth.

*Flashback*

“Oh and Andrew, you should tell Madeline the truth when you’re ready.” Madeline’s mother then walks away, leaving me absolutely dumbfounded.

She knows.

How did she know?! What told her? My body language when I met Maddie again? My discomfort? But I’ve always been uncomfortable in front of her! Or did she suspect it from the very beginning...

Wait, what does she know? “The truth” could mean many things to many people. Maybe she meant telling Madeline what I’ve just told her, that I’m only here to protect and care for her. She left that suggestion quite ambiguous and vague after all...

But then again… if Mrs. Beckett really does know the full story, why does she want me to tell Madeline? And why does she still trust me with her daughter after I nearly got her killed?

What is this all about?!

“I trust you son.”

Oh. That’s what she meant.

She trusts I will find the right time to tell Madeline the truth about her accident, and I will.

I just need time.

Time to get to know her again, get to ease myself back into her life.

Time to let her adjust. And when we are both ready, I’ll tell her the truth, just like her Mom wants me to.

I understand now, it’s all about trust.

*End of flashback*

I make it to Madeline’s apartment, pumped and ready to take her on the best date of her life!

Well, it can’t be too hard since she’s never been on any other dates...

I laugh lightly, smoothing out my jean collar and pulling open the car door.

I'll tell Madeline the truth after our date, we just need some time to enjoy each other again. Or rather, we just need time to trust each other again.

But no matter how long it takes, I’m determined to make this work. To make us work.

I close the door behind me, excited to see Maddie and relive those cliches we once experienced. This time I’ll make sure every encounter feels like love at first sight.

Right, love at first sigh-

I turn to see Madeline sitting on the curb outside her apartment and draw in a breath.

She’s stunning.

She’s wearing a blueish black skirt, white button-up, and black and white scarf. The star earrings I bought her can be seen dangling near her curly black hair. The combination of clothes are well thought out, but Madeline’s the best part of the entire outfit.

But wait, as I move closer I start to notice her fidgeting. She’s gripping her sleeves and fiddling with her scarf methodically.

Oh no.

That all-too-familiar habit sends a spike of panic straight through my heart.

Only when she looks up do I notice her tears and frantic expression. She’s hugging herself and chanting something inaudible.

No.

Nonono-

Not again.