It's Lonely... A Boy With His Mind.

(Memory's of past life)

In a room of my house. I... I always feels alone, it's also same in the school.

Junior High School.

I have friend, but we are like life in two different worlds. Other than school stuff, our conversation won't connect. Later, I become passive man in school, I become loner, I become introvert. I have some friend, but it doesn't feel like friend.

They always talk about their lives outside school, like where they going last week, with who, how they partying with other in the places I never know.

Do I want become like them? become extrovert, going to the places I never know, partying with each other and other stuff we can do outside school?

Yes... At some point it was yes. But, it was late... Late, very late...

Because when I try to blend in with them, I realize... It doesn't matter. My existence it is. Doesn't matter. I can feel how they doesn't want me to butt in their matters. But, it's fine right? you can still call them friends..

It is it? A friend, you call them friend, but you doesn't know about them and they doesn't care about you... Is that friend? I don't know.

At home, I always been alone too. My parent is busy with their work. Maybe not that busy because we still have time at night. But, what are we doing is just watching some TV show and movies. In one month there always be a time where I was alone for two or three days, the longest is a week.

I'm alone, I feel lonely. At some point, there was a time that I want to play with my father. But he was busy, so he can't play with me. My mother at that time was not home, so I'm alone again. Maybe I'm asking too much...

As long they were with me, It's gonna be fine, I can play alone. So, I... stopped asking. Later part, Families become something that I can't understand.

I spend my day in my room, muddled with my own thoughts. Searching some things that can bore my boredom. There was a TV in my room so I searched for something.

I found fantasy movies. It was good, but not enough. Searching again and I found anime. And I was hooked into it. There was many genre, but I always searching for fantasy anime. Why? because real life is boring.

If there was a new anime with school genre, I always avoid it. Because it doesn't connect to me. I want a fantasy, I want a dream. I was addicted to it, only later to become bored of it.

Senior high schools.

At that time, my life is dull. I doesn't have any dream, I doesn't want anything. Sometimes I also stopped hoping, Hope become something I don't like.

That time, I remember some memories of me and my childhood friend. But, that was not a pleasant one. I remember, it was morning and raining. The places is in my senior high school, my mom works there. Same for his mom, It was school in a village so the guard is not that good. The school border also doesn't have meaning.

At night, I ever heard there was some drunk man going to the school, and doing party there with some students. Waste of their party is some beer bottles. At that time I doesn't know where this one friend of mine get that bottles.

Later, because of some scuffles, that childhood friend fill the beer bottle in his hand with water. And at some point he throws it perfectly to my head. I fainted. I doesn't wake up till next morning. That time I also doesn't feel great, I got amnesia.

I forgot many things, I doesn't even know name of food in front of me. It was a fish, but at that time I don't know that. When I try to say it, the word is stuck in my tongue. I don't remember, it was hard for me. And because of my lost memories, I become hard to be friend with others. I don't know how to socialites.

Maybe that was the root of all my problems, maybe it wasn't. Later in my senior high school, I stopped care about that particular memories. Because something greater happening.

I see death... A Hit and run. It was so clear, that I was terrified of it and the same time mesmerized by it.

'Hey, maybe death is not so bad at all.' That was what I think that time.

...

Then years and years later. Life become more duller, the color lost it luster, I always wore a smile in my face if I meet others. But I doesn't mean it, that was an automatic response of my body.

The smile that I wore... Is an empty smile, deep down inside. There is nothing more that can make me excited. The society is seem to far away, the anime that I like very much become boring on my eyes. The friend that I have, no, the friend that I had. Seem just like a wind that passing by.

Till the day I died, I always asking. 'Is there any value of this so called life? Is There, Any?'

Some Years Later.

I died. I die burned by fire on my own apartment. I watch the small fire turned into a blaze. If I want to life, I can definitely run from it. But no, thank you, I don't want it anymore. Everything seem so distant, and I don't want to feel it again.

The fire burned. It's hurts, but it only make me feel alive. And my thought was... 'Thanks Everyone.' I appreciate everybody in my mind. They brought so much joy and pain to this life. It was colorful before they become duller and duller recent years. The loneliness and the Despair of this life. It's enough.

For my last thought.

'Maybe, I can do it better if I can redo it again...'

...

But no, the higher being decides to take me to different world that I want. I can reincarnated or transmigrated to there. But I can't do a redo in my old world.

The contract came, I choose my world.

'Overlord, before the new world. When the Nazarick is still in a game.' I added details, because I don't want a misunderstanding.

The Perk... Firstly, I want to be rich, filthy rich. YGGDRASIL may be not all about money, but money will definitely a great help. Some overpower item can also be bought with money there, so the first choice is oblivious.

The second is I want power to devours items or monster in the game. It may be oblivious but there is many strong items and monster there. Like world items or world enemies, so if you can devour their power. You gonna be overpowered.

For the third. Well, there was no third wish. That higher being stopped me, saying that I can't bear the payment. Then I ask about the price, 'What was the price?'

'Your Memories. Your happiness moment, Your sadness and other memories with intense emotions that you have.' He says.

'Right now, your memories can only pays for the transmigration and your first wish. Your second wish can be payed later. But you can't make third wish. Because you won't be able to pay it.' He says more.

This time, I asking more about the payment. Because if he takes my memories, then isn't he will just make a new 'me' not 'this me' that known about world? An inexperience 'me'... I don't want it.

But his answer makes me feels better. He says 'I will make sure to leave enough memories, so that 'you' can still be you right now. The memories about this contract will not be touched also.'

'Then, what about the payment of my second wish?' I ask again.

'I will make arrangement for that, you don't have to worry. Just make sure that you 'Experience it' okay?' His eyes makes me feels dread, but I can only nodded.

'Alright.' It leaves bad taste, also some bad feelings, but I hope it won't be something excessive.

'And your second wish will be restricted for some time, as the game needs some 'balance' to be played. You know that right?' He said while looking at me for answer.

I nodded. From what he say, my devour powers will be fully unleashed in the 'New World'. I don't know if there was strong monster or what not in the 'New World', but I hope there is.

'You also need to remember that what you were devour is what you gonna be. Remember that.'

It was not a bad reminder, so I just gonna take a mental note of it.

Then I was ready to go. The contract has been settled, the payment may not fully paid, but he already said that I can definitely pay it in that world.

That time, I don't know what will I experience to pay it, will leave me regret it for some times. And Till now, I don't even know that the 'New World' will be really a New World, full of malice, despair and blood.

He also tactically doesn't say anything about the 'New World'. So that leaves me clueless all the time, thinking everything will be the same as it was. But no, it was not.

A higher being and his game, There is nothing I can do. I can only hope that I have power to cave my way, for me to survive And For 'us' to live.....

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The alternate title gonna be:

'A Man With Loneliness.'

As everyone is appear to avoid him and even his parent seem inexperience with parenting.

Criticism and comments are welcomed.

Lastly, Thanks for reading this.