3. Chapter 3

Title: Of Finding Innocence

Disclaimer: Oh how I wish...

Summary: Kate Beckett met Richard Castle once, long ago, at a book signing. What if things had gone differently that day? Castle, but with a large, large twist.

Author's Note: You guys rock. Honestly, you just do. You're the best readers ever. I'm thoroughly enjoying writing this story, and I'm so glad that you're enjoying the read. So, in that vein, here's the next chapter. Hope you like it.

Emma

Chapter 3:

"No, Madison, I'm sorry."

"Sorry! Sorry! Kate, you left me alone for like thirty minutes and then I find you behind the table making nice with his kid? Fill in the blanks. I don't care that you didn't call, just, God, Becks, fill me in!"

Kate collapsed onto the couch and pulled a pillow to her chest. She'd stood in the kitchen for a long time after Will had left, and then, only when she noticed her cell vibrating, did she move. She'd had ten messages from Madison. So she bit the bullet and called her back. Now her ears were regretting it and so was her fragile emotional state. She was good with disappointment; after losing her mother, other things didn't seem quite so bad. But he'd meant a lot to her.

"Okay, um," she ran a hand over her face. The day was blurry now. "Alexis, the kid, ran into me as I was coming out of the bathrooms. And then Rick was just kind of, there, and we chatted for a while."

"Wait, Rick?"

Kate blushed. Right, about that. "That's, uh, later in the story, but we're…yeah, we're on a first name basis."

"So many, many questions!"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Do you want to ask them now, or get the full story first?"

"Full story. Continue, please."

"Okay, so, we're chatting and the guard at the queue is frowning at him and pointing to his watch when Alexis says she needs to use the bathroom."

"Good timing, kid."

"Hey," Kate laughed. "She's only seven. And only just."

"How attached are you to this kid?"

Kate blushed, but Madison couldn't see that. Kate didn't really have an answer for her either. She'd never been that instantly comfortable with anyone. "Anyway, I kind of offered to take her to the bathroom, so he could get back."

"And he let you?"

"Badge helps, though, we'll have to talk about that." She bit her lip. He probably wasn't always that trusting; he seemed like a good dad. But, now that she thought about it, who just sent his kid into the bathroom with a woman he didn't know? Then again…

"Okay, paranoid Polly. More safety later, more talky now," Madison's voice interrupted her thoughts.

Kate laughed. "So, you know, Alexis and I chatted. She likes my shoes, wants to be my height. Then we went back to the table and she brought me through to the other side and that's about when you showed up."

"Wow, Becks. You just had, like, the dream day. Did you get your book signed?"

"Oh, yeah. He did that before I took her to the bathroom." And he'd smiled at her and written the nicest message.

"Nice of him."

Kate smiled. "Said it was the least I could do for not yelling at his daughter."

"Sounds like you like him, and the kid."

"The kid is adorable and Rick is…he's interesting." She wasn't with Will anymore. He could be interesting now. He could be attractive and captivating now. But she wasn't ready for that yet. Hell, she wasn't really even ready to cry about the fact that she was alone again.

"So, after you brought her back, what did you go do that kept you from texting me for an hour?" Madison's tone was accusatory, but Kate could hear the actual wonder in her voice as well.

"Well, Paula…his…I don't know what she does. But this woman with a nasal accent starts ripping into him for bringing Alexis to the signing she scheduled right after their flight back from California. And Alexis is kind of sinking down in her chair, looking small and hurt and I…"

"Becks, what did you do?"

"I offered to go read with her for the last three hours of the signing?" she said meekly. And three, two, one…

"You did what?" Kate had to pull the phone away from her ear.

"Madison," she grumbled. "A little respect for my ears, please."

"I'm sorry. What? You did what?" she shrilled into the phone, quieter, but with no less enthusiasm than she'd demonstrated when Kate had gotten her first kiss back in ninth grade.

"I went and read with a sad little girl who'd just come back from California where they'd had a tense visit, from what I can gather, with her mother, who is no longer married to her dad," she said evenly. She'd done a good thing, and it had been good for her.

"Katie, seriously?"

"It was no trouble. I had…it was fun, Maddy. She's really cute and I…I felt happy? I can't really explain."

She heard Madison shuffling around on the other end, squishing comfortably into her leather sofa. "Okay. So, you read with the kid…for three hours? Really?"

"Well, she fell asleep after the first one; that's when I texted you," she recounted.

"So you sat with a kid on your lap for two hours?"

"I chatted with Rick for a little bit, on one of his breaks, and then I read."

"Comfy in the kid's section, huh?"

Kate just shook her head. "It was nice. Don't knock it." She didn't want to be teased about that afternoon. Breaking up with Will certainly put a damper on the easy happiness she'd felt on leaving the bookstore, but it was there somewhere, and she didn't want to sully the memory of it.

"Not knocking anything at all, Becks." She could practically hear the grin in Maddy's voice. "So, how did this all end? You had to give her up sometime, unless you took her, which I doubt, since you're so justice oriented."

Kate laughed. "I gave her back, thanks. She used the bathroom and Rick and I chatted and then, um…he gave me his card and I gave him my number. We're gonna have dinner next week." She didn't think Madison's voice could be louder than it was.

"You're going on a date with Richard Castle?" She pulled the phone away again. She was wrong.

"Madison, the volume! Come on."

"Sorry. But seriously?"

"I'm not going on a date,Madison. I'm going over to have dinner with them—him and the adorable little girl I spent the day with." It was just an innocent dinner. It wasn't a date. There was nothing sordid about it. And if she just kept telling herself that, she'd be fine. At this point, her emotions didn't even know what they were doing anyway, and the stability of having a safe, platonic dinner was oddly comforting.

"Oh, so you're going to play house, then."

"Madison," she admonished.

"How's Will taking this?"

Kate felt her smile melt away. And now she was leaning further from excited and closer to depressed. "Doesn't really matter," she said softly.

"Oh, Kate. Did he?"

"He got the offer."

"And he's going."

Kate nodded and let out a shallow breath. "He's going."

"And you're not."

"No," she whispered. She didn't want to cry over him. They'd been great together, and she should be happy with that. Crying wouldn't make him come back, and it would just make her more upset. Then again, her therapist had harped on her about holding things in—said she would get an ulcer. But she was fine. She'd even eaten dinner tonight.

"Are you okay?" Madison asked a minute later, her voice soft and concerned.

"No, but…I will be. I'll get through it." She always did.

"Do you want me to come over? Bring some booze? Make a voodoo doll?"

Kate laughed. "No. I'm just…I'm gonna take a bath and go to sleep, go to work…it'll pass."

"Kate, this isn't a cold."

"I know!" she took a breath and steadied her voice. "I know, Maddy. But, I can't change his mind, and I won't leave. So, you know?"

"I do. I'm so sorry, Sweetie. And after such an odd day, too."

"Right?" Kate chuckled weakly. "I'll call you later in the week?"

"Sounds good. You let me know if you need anything at all."

"I'm good, Maddy. Thanks for coming with me today."

Madison laughed. "Fat lot of good it did me. But I'm glad you met them. You sounded happy, talking about them."

"They're nice," Kate shrugged. "We'll see." She hoped she felt as good as she had leaving the store after she saw them the next time. It had been nice and kind of strange to walk around weightless, even just for the twenty minutes it had taken to get home.

"Well, now you're single. You should jump on that."

Kate laughed. "Uh, no. This is about the kid, not about her dad." Rick was an element, but Alexis was the one she wanted to see, and Alexis was the one that wanted to see her.

"He's hot though."

"He is, but right now? I think he needs a friend, not a girlfriend. He doesn't look that great about the mom situation." She remembered his tired face and the way he looked at his daughter. She didn't think he was a guy who was ready to be in a relationship right now, and she certainly wasn't ready.

Madison sighed. "You're too perceptive for your own good sometimes, Becks."

"That's how you get to Detective," Kate chuckled. "I'm gonna go. Have a nice night, Mads."

"Okay, you too. And have a glass of wine, or something."

"Night."

"Night, Honey."

They clicked off and Kate dropped the phone to the couch. She stared around, a bit dazed. After a while, she got up and cleared the dishes they'd left on the table, chucking everything. She didn't want to eat leftovers from that meal. She dumped her wine and the rest of his beer down the drain. She didn't mind drinking—wasn't worried that she'd become her father—but she refused to use it as an escape from feelings. That was dangerous.

She padded into her bedroom and through to the bathroom. She could take a bath. But then she'd just be sitting there thinking in the warm water and remembering about the baths she'd taken with Will, and how he'd loved her deep, claw foot tub. Instead, she stripped and turned on the shower, removed her make up and brushed her teeth. The shower was perfunctory, just cleaning what needed to be cleaned for work the next day. She was out in ten minutes and curled up in her bed in fifteen, mind whirring and blank all at once.

Sleep took a long time in coming, with the other side of the bed cold. It would be cold for a while now. Tomorrow, perhaps, she'd try sleeping in the middle.

(...)

"Aren't we the lucky ones!" Esposito grumbled. "Digging in dumpsters, looking for jewelry."

"Be happy we're in the dumpsters and not down the drain," Kate replied, looking over at him as he wiped sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his jacket, his darker cheeks stained pink with the outer cold and inner heat of rustling around in a smelly, cramped trash bin.

Esposito had joined up about half a year after her, and had transferred over from the 54th a little over six months ago. He was good at what he did, and on occasion, she found his humor funny. They weren't the best of friends, but they got along, as well as any two uniforms forced together could.

"Still. Man, I can't wait to make Detective and not do this anymore."

"You've still got three years," Kate snorted. "And there's no guarantee that you won't be doing this then, too." It didn't really bother her too much; they wore enough clothing to stay relatively germ free, and you never knew when your grunt work might provide the key to solving the case. Kate lived for those moments. They made everything worthwhile.

"I'll be happy to watch you be the underling for once, then," he grinned. "Only two years for you."

"I know." Two long years of dumpster digging, but it would be worth it.

"But," he sighed and shifted another bag, "until then, here we are."

"Digging in dumpsters," she finished. "It's not that far off, is it?"

He plucked a banana peel off his jacket. "If you say so, Becks."

"Don't call me Becks, Espo."

"Don't call me Espo."

Kate rolled her eyes at their antics and continued digging. "Got something," she called as she picked through a new looking bag that had obviously been shoved down into the trash, rather than just tossed in. The glint of the metal clasp had caught her eye and she worked her glove-covered hands into the plastic bag, refusing to acknowledge the slick substance that glooped onto the back of her left hand as she did.

She felt her fingers close around the metal chain and she pulled it from the bag with a repressed gag. Whatever the brown, sludgy substance was, it was rotting and it smelled. She quickly slid the necklace into an evidence pouch and handed the rest of the bag off to another uniform, Karpowski, who took it away. Then she hopped out of the dumpster, took a breath of cool, fresh, fall air, and hurriedly stripped out of her gloves, careful not to touch the left one.

"Good catch," Esposito grinned. "Always you, isn't it?"

"Just gotta bring your 'A' game," Kate smirked.

"Shut it," he grumbled as he climbed out and walked over to her. He shucked off his gloves and they each dumped them into the evidence waste as they meandered back to their car. "How was your day off?"

"Good. Yours?"

"Same old, same old," he shrugged. "Met a girl."

"She still around?" Esposito was rather well known for his love-em-and-leave-em attitude, though she was sure he showed them a pretty good time before he dodged out. She felt nothing more than slightly familial acceptance for the guy, but he did have a nice body. And some women really liked the "Latin lovin'," as he'd called it the other week.

"Have some faith, Beckett," he snorted. "I made her breakfast."

"And what did you make her?"

"Pancakes."

"Ah," Kate laughed as they got into the car. "So, good date?" She'd learned a lot about men and their views of sex and after-sex. And pancakes were always a sign of a good night.

"Better than your bath and book," he grinned.

Kate plastered on a smile. She didn't talk about her personal life at the Precinct. It was too raw, and the whole place was a meat market anyway. "To each his or her own, Espo."

"Don't call me Espo."

(...)

The rest of the week passed quickly, to Kate's infinite relief. They'd had three murders come up, and that kept them busy riding out to scenes and doing grunt work. Kate didn't mind it, though Esposito complained often enough. It was calming, digging around, looking for evidence, being part of the team. Russian literature seemed far away when she looked at her life now.

Her cell rang just as she was heading out of the Precinct on Saturday night, wrapping her scarf tighter around her neck. "Beckett," she answered.

"Kate?"

"This is she. Who's this?" Kate asked as she hopped into her car.

"This is Rick Castle."

"Oh, Rick, hi," Kate replied quickly, not bothering to put her car into gear. "How…how are you?" Yeah, the stammering was great. Come on. He was just a guy.

"I'm good. Just got back from a press junket and I have a very eager little girl over here who's just dying to have you over for dinner."

Kate laughed as she heard Alexis exclaiming "Yes!" in the background. Her response was immediate. "I'd love to. What day?"

"Are your days off always on Tuesdays?" he asked.

"They are."

"So, does Monday night work?"

"It does, yeah." That sounded like a nice way to start her day off. And after this week of hell, she'd take whatever respite the Castles could provide. She hoped it would be a respite.

"Are you home right now?"

"On my way back from work, actually," she replied, settling into her seat and squirming around to find the most comfortable position. Sometimes there was a spring that poked at her back. She should probably try to go about getting that fixed sometime.

"It's seven on a Saturday," he told her, as if she didn't know.

"Some of us have real jobs, Mr. Castle," she teased.

She heard him laugh on the other end. "Oh, ouch, Officer Beckett. That hurts."

"Cry me a river." Where was this coming from?

"I just might. Kate's being mean," she heard him whisper to Alexis.

"Don't tell her that!" Kate objected, laughing as she heard, "No she's not!" from Alexis.

"Fine. I have a feeling I'm never going to win with the two of you around."

"Might be the case," Kate smiled. "So, Monday night? What time?"

"When do you get off work?"

"Well, I don't have to stay past five," she admitted. There was nothing wrong with working hard. Granted, the amount she had to fight to get to do it should have impressed how unusual it was, but she was never very good with taking hints to slow down.

"But you normally do?"

Kate shrugged. It was something everyone teased her about, but it was also why Montgomery had already pegged her to move up. "Yeah. But I can make an exception this time."

"Well, if it's not a problem, how about 5:30?"

"That sounds good, Rick," she said, fighting a small smile.

"Great," she could hear him smiling. "I'll let Alexis know. Wait, wait…" there was a muffled conversation on the other end. "Can she say hi?"

"Sure," Kate laughed.

"Hi Kate!"

"Hi, Alexis. How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm good as well, kid. Are you having a good weekend?" She sounded as adorable and eager as she looked, and Kate found that just her little voice was making the tension flow out of her shoulders.

"Yeah! Daddy says we're going to the Museum tomorrow!"

"That sounds like fun." How long had it been since she'd been to the Museum for something other than a homicide or suspect wrangling?

"Can you come?"

Kate blinked. "Oh, no. Sweetie, I'm sorry, but I have to work." Sweetie?

"Oh, okay."

"But, I'm coming for dinner on Monday. That's just two days away," she assured her quickly. How deep was she in here?

"Yay! Okay, Daddy wants the phone back. See you soon?"

"See you soon," Kate replied.

There was more shuffling on the other end. "Hey. Sorry about that. She likes you."

"It's mutual. Sorry I can't. The Museum sounds like fun." The Museum sounds like fun?

"You have to work, at your real job, I get it," he said with a false sigh.

"Hey! That's not fair. Now you're being mean," she laughed.

"All's fair here. You did it first."

"I'm not getting into a 'no I didn't' argument with you, Rick Castle," she decided, though that sounded like a surprising amount of fun.

"Then you're a smart woman. I've had lots of practice with this one over here."

Kate laughed. "I'm sure you have. But, unfortunately, I have to get home. The guys are all staring at me," she added, realizing that her prolonged pause at the curb was bound to draw unwanted attention. When they'd realized that she couldn't be taken out to dinner, and no amount of come-ons would get her in their beds, the guys of the 12th had taken to watching her with fascination. She wanted to be flattered, but she ended up just being irritated by it.

"What?"

"I'm in my car," she glanced up at the 12th and sure enough, the night crew was watching her out the window. Nosy busy bodies. "And they're all looking at me. I usually speed off. I'm creating too intriguing a picture."

"Is the Precinct like a fishbowl or something?"

"For me? Yeah, unfortunately. But I'll, uh, see you Monday?" she fumbled through.

"Yes. Oh, wait. You need to know where I live."

"Yes, I do," she nodded, grabbing the little pad she kept for site addresses. "Hit me."

"425 Broome Street in SoHo. Apartment 504."

"Okay. I'll see you Monday at 5:30 then," Kate said as she scribbled down the address. His place was probably fabulous. It certainly was in a nice part of town.

"We're looking forward to it," he replied. "Have a nice night, Kate."

"You too. Tell Alexis for me?" Where was it coming from? What made her want this? What made her remember to say goodbye to the daughter too?

"Will do."

"Bye, Rick."

"Bye, Kate."

She hung up and sat for a moment, trying to reason it all out, before remembering that she was being watched. She rolled her eyes and pulled out into traffic. She was going to Richard Castle's house for dinner. She had called his daughter 'Sweetie' and bickered with him. And, if she wasn't mistaken, she'd probably have a great time with them. What the hell was going on?

She made it back to her building and parked. She pulled her jacket closed against the chill of the late November wind and scurried into the complex, nodding to Barry as she went. He always had a smile for her. She wouldn't argue it though; there had been days when that smile had kept her from crying as she rode up in the elevator.

Her apartment was cold. They wouldn't turn the heat up again until it got truly cold outside, one of the never-ending perks of living in Manhattan. She shrugged out of her jacket and unholstered her gun, placing it in her drawer, like always. Then she went into her room and changed, pulling on sweats and her over-sized NYPD hoodie. She padded out into the living room and looked around.

She'd boxed up Will's stuff and sent it yesterday, and now all the tables looked empty, the shelves a bit more bare. And it wasn't even like he'd had all that much stuff to begin with. She sighed and went to her refrigerator. Empty. Great.

She had two options: Drag her sorry butt out to the store, or eat popcorn for dinner. She frowned as she looked around. She really shouldn't eat popcorn for dinner. That wasn't okay anymore. Everyone was so glad to see her putting on weight and looking healthier, and she really didn't want to go back to having weekly exams with the Precinct physician and daily pestering from all of her superiors. She'd been doing well up in Homicide and didn't need to fall back to her training days, when things had been dark—very dark.

The store was just down the street. She could go out like she was now. She put on flats and grabbed her keys and wallet and left. The walk was short, and she managed to keep her head forward, like a normal person, even passing the two alleys on the way there. She could do it. It left her neck stiff, but she managed.

She got greens and vegetables, real potatoes and a few packages of chicken and fish. She'd fry something up at home, make a few simple meals, try to be better about eating like a human, rather than a take-out disposal. She even bought ice cream, just on a whim. She could do this. She could be on her own. That pang in her gut that came up every time she thought about Will was back. She shook it off and paid, giving the checkout girl a smile. She smiled back.

Kate made her way home, steadfastly keeping her head forward the whole time. She finally made it and got into the elevator with a sigh. It shouldn't take so much effort. But really, hadn't her therapist said it would? Trauma, that ugly word she hated—she'd been through trauma, and dealing with it wouldn't just take six months, or even a few years. It would be a long time before life was ever normal again.

As normal as it could be for a twenty-three-year-old homicide uniform. She snorted. Yeah, normal wasn't really what she was going for, was it?