Chapter 47

Everything seemed to stop for a second when I realized that Leigh has been listening to us.

I looked at my best friend who looked crushed and defeated at the same time.

"He…"

Leigh crossed her arms and pulled herself together from the cold.

"Did I hear that right?" She asked in a vulnerable and hurt voice.

I sighed and closed my mouth. I wanted to prove her wrong to buy myself a little time because I still wasn't ready for the confrontation I've been avoiding for weeks now.

I should have told her when it was only the two of us. She should have heard it straight not by eavesdropping.

When I looked at Seeley, he looked surprised but he didn't look sad or moved by Leigh's hopeless face.

She deserved better than this and I was an asshole for not telling her everything.

"You are joking, right?" She asked, her voice small but hopeful.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and slowly shook my head. I was apologizing with my eyes because I couldn't find my voice.

Leigh lifted her hand to her mouth and many emotions flashed through her face in a matter of second.

Pain. Betrayal. Disappointment. Heartbreak.

"You're in love with Heddy?" She asked Seeley who gave me a side glance before nodding.

"I've loved her for years now." Seeley answered.

At least he wasn't cold about it as much as I had expected him to be. After I tried to cut him off when he had came for me to the police station, all I could think of how numb his reaction was when I told him about Leigh's feelings for him.

God, this was such a mess.

"For years?" She asked with wide eyes.

Seeley stepped to the side and waited until Leigh seemed to have the power to control her emotions.

"Yes."

Then she turned to me with tears in her eyes. The look on her face broke my heart in advance.

"And you didn't tell me?" She asked.

I didn't want to say the typical 'I wanted to tell you' answer because even I've eard that enough times.

"It was never the right time."

"There is no right time for this, Heddy!" She said desparatedly. "You were both laughing at me behind my back, huh?

"No, don't say that, Leigh." I shook my head but she wasn't even listening to me.

"I can't believe this is happening to me." She whispered as she dropped her head.

I could feel her pain, she looked like a lost little girl who had no purpose in her life.

"You let me talk about my feelings for him all the time!" She snapped. "For God's sake, you even gave me advise while you were keeping this from me. What kind of friend does that?"

She was right. I was a horrible friend who couldn't decide which side she was on. It felt like I was with everyone while being their enemy at the same time.

When did I become like this?

If Seeley hadn't convinced me that night at the police station's parking lot after I was arrested, I would have told her right away.

If it weren't for Seeley getting into my head I wouldn't have kept sneaking around behind everyone's backs.

If it weren't for Seeley many things wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be the bad guy.

"Why are you holding this against her?" Seeley stepped between us with confusion on his face.

Leigh looked down at him with anger burning in her eyes.

"Because she is my best friend and I thought that meant she wouldn't keep things like that from me!"

Seeley shook his head with a scoff.

"I only told her last night that I love her." Seeley defended me. "Or are you mad about the fact that she still chose to sleep with me after you told her that you liked me?"

The colors have drained from my face and Leigh gasped in horror. When she turned back to me, her cheeks were flushed.

Why couldn't Seeley just shut his mouth for once?

Why did he feel the need to be brutally honest now? Where was this honesty weeks before now?

And he didn't care how much he has hurt Leigh by that statement.

"You've been sleeping with him?"

When I opened my mouth, Seeley put his hand up.

"Why? Is it illegal to have sex with someone without your consent?" He asked with frown. something told me that he was enjoying calling Leigh out.

"Did you forget about Clara? Your girlfriend, you know?" She raised her voice, still holding her anger back. "Or is she completely irrelevant now?"

Seeley sighed and gave her a small and cocky smile that promised no good.

"We are in an open relationship, Leigh." Seeley answered and Leigh lifted her head.

"Then why keep it a secret?" She asked, her eyes darting from Seeley to me.

"You know, just for the thrill and the excitement about doing it in secret." Seeley answered with a knowing look.

Leigh looked drained from Seeley's raw confessions. I buried my face into my head, wishing for them to just stop talking now.

"That still doesn't excuse that you've been lying to me." She glared at me and my stomach turned into a knot.

"I told her that she shouldn't care about that." Seeley leaned back and I glanced up at him. He was completely different from he has just acted toward me.

How could he change his behavior and manners in a snap of fingers?

Sometimes his sudden mood swings could really freak me out, especially now.

"Shouldn't care about that?" She echoed, furious and in disbelief. "Do you even hear yourself?"

Seeley shrugged.

"If that helps you sleep at night, she wanted to cut things off with me after you told her about your crush." Seeley tried to reassure her but he only irritated her even more.

"Why are you here? To defend her no matter what messed up thing she did?" She asked amd my chest was aching.

"What difference does it make?" Seeley asked, ignoring her previous question. "You and I, Leigh, we would have never worked."

Leigh's face was burning while I was fighting the urge to slap Seeley across the face.

"You are such an asshole." Leigh commented.

"Why?" He asked. "Because I don't feel the same way about you? Where did that childish outburst come from? Last time I checked we graduated from high school and not ginderkarten."

I was both ashamed and embarrassed of Seeley. It felt like I didn't know him at all. The kind of Seeley who was desperate to know whether I was capable of loving him or not was nowhere near to the devil that was standing in front of me.

I knew that abuse could change people but I have never expected witnessing anything like this.

What if he was mad that I couldn't give him a straight answer and now he was punishing me for it by ruining my friendship with Leigh?

I didn't want to believe that something like that would ever cross my mind but Seeley has become completely unpredictable and I didn't know what his next step would be.

I just knew that it would either be something bad or downright atrocious.

"Can I talk to Leigh?" I asked, my voice hoarse and silent. "Alone."

Seeley studied my face before I gave him a slight nod. Then he sent a warning glare to Leigh before walking past her into the house.

I sighed in relief and rubbed the side of my neck and Leigh dropped her gaze to her legs.

"What the hell was that?" She asked and I wished I could answer tot hat.

I simply shrugged with sadness.

"He's got a lot on his plate right now. Let's just say his whole life changed in the matter of minutes last night." I said, still honoring him by not telling Leigh everything that has turned his world upside down.

Leigh nodded slowly but her expression remained cold and irritated.

"I'm sorry, Leigh. For everything. I know that I should have told you."

"You know what? I'd rather have you break my hope than encouraging me while I was telling you everything, believing that you were on my side. I'm such a clown." She dragged her fingers over the side of her face.

This had to be the worst summer I've ever had and I'd had plenty of those.

Now two people were hurting because of me. Because once again I didn't use my brain and acted like a decent human would have.

Why couldn't I always tell the truth? Why did I always feel the need to hold everything back until it was too late?

There would be tension between Leigh and me regardless but it would be half as bad as this.

"No matter what Seeley has said or would do, that has nothing to do with me." I said and she twisted her head at me.

"Nothing? Are you serious, Heddy? You are everything behind the reason Seeley says or does such things." She fired back. "That boy is so in love with you that he'd rather ruin our friendshipmso that I'd be out of the way."

I pressed my lips in a line while trying to keep myself together.

All because of a boy.

I started to wonder if all this drama and all the tears would be worth it?

The more I looked at Leigh's broken face and knew how much I had hurt her, the more I realized that Seeley was up to no good.

I wished I could travel back time, back to our graduation, when I left Leigh take me to Jolene's party where our friends pursuaded me into coming for this summer holiday.

I would have never thought that this summer would be this heartbreaking.

"I just can't believe that I couldn't see him feeling that way." She shook her head. "I was so blind I didn't even notice the obvious signs to this. The way he would always stare at you when you are not looking. The surprise party and the cake he'd gotten for you on your birthday. Standing always close to you while giving dead glares to Perkyn. God, I'm so blind! It all makes sense now. And here I was thinking that he was only opening up to you now that Clara wasn't influencing him."

I had nothing to say. For some reason I wished she'd put the two together so that we would have passed this conversation by now.

"It was supposed to be just summer fun." I said while tears filled my eyes. I'd never realised how sensitive I became around my friends until now. "I didn't think it would end like this."

She arched an eyebrow at that then took a shaky breath. This situation was hard and painful for the both of us.

"It sure as hell looked more than just summer fun before I came out." She whispered and I almost stepped up to the terrace to hug her.

But I knew she wouldn't let me. Not after this betrayal from me.

I wasn't even sure that she'd ever forgive me for that.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to forgive that but I hoped that Leigh could do better than me and eventually would give me a second chance.

"Everything is new from me. He told me he loved me and I'm just confused." I tried to xplain in the worst way possible.

Leigh gave me a questioning glance.

"Do you love him?"

Not this question again.

I sighed and wiped my hair out of my face in frustration. I should get a cut soon before I'd go crazy.

"I don't know how I feel about him." I said and she teared her eyes away from me. I stepped closer, trying to get her attention like a desparate idiot. "He is important to me but I doubt if I'd ever put up with him like that."

Leigh furrowed her eyebrows.

"I assume it wasn't you who beat him up for the fact that he loves you." She suggested and I slowly shook my head.

"It wasn't me."

Leigh rubbed her arms in an uncomfortable way as if she didn't know what to do with her hands.

"Who was it then?"

I licked my lips and dropped my head.

"Clara came over this afternoon to see him." I said and her eyes widened.

"Jesus…"

I nodded and started to play with the hem of my shirt.

"He is in a hard place now."

"Well, I'm glad that among all of this drama that's been following him like a shadow, he still found time to pleasure himself physically." She said with a flinch and my throat tightened.

"I should have told you. I'm really sorry."

Leigh wiped her face and stared at the sky to distract herself from my pleading.

"What about Perkyn? Were you just playing with him?" She asked casually but also coldly. "He genuinely likes you, I can tell."

I let all of the guilty spread across my chest as her words cut just as deep as a knife would have.

"He is a great guy. He's sometimes too good to be true." I said, afraid of her reaction.

Leigh nodded.

"He really is. Does he know about Seeley?"

I bit into my lower lip and nodded shamefully.

"He does."

She sighed and rubbed her temples.

"And he's alright with you sleeping around with Seeley but almost having a thing with him?" She asked and I huffed.

"I'm not dating either of them, Leigh. It's nothing like that."

Perkyn did know about it so I couldn't be always the bad guy in this situation. He accepted it and still decided to make a move because he thought I was worthy of his feelings.

Why was that always the emotionless sex caused the most problem?

Okay, it wasn't that emotionless lately but the beginning of this mess was totally different than where we had ended up with Seeley.

I could tell she was hoping that Perkyn would turn away from me so that I'd feel rejected just as she felt right now.

"Listen, Leigh, what Seeley has just told you was uncalled for. And I'm sure he would have told you in a different way if he wasn't already fed up with everything and everyone."

She scoffed and let out a barely hearable laugh.

"Don't you dare defending that asshole. Not now, Heddy." She said. "I get that life is hard but it will never excuse you for treating other people like shit."

Her tone left no room for argument. Because she was absolutely right.

And I hated that I understood her point but my heart kept luring back to Seeley and feeling sorry for him almost all the time whenever a harsh confrontation happened.

I couldn't wrap my head around the fact but for some reason my time in jail with Braith crossed my mind. I remembered how heartbroken he still was after his girlfriend had dhosted him and took their money and even got the apartment.

Even after spending years with someone, you still couldn't be ready for a slap in the face through the relationship you've worked hard for.

Maybe this wouldn't be a relationship that would worth wasting my time and my life.

"Do whatever makes you happy but don't lie to me and act like a saint." Leigh glared at me.

I didn't know if I should be relieved or even more stressed. I let my face fall as she glanced around the garden then rolled her eyes and stormed back into the house leaving me alone to drown in my guilt.