What Comes After

A complete fucking idiot. That's exactly what I am. A fool who can never heed sound advice. I don't understand why I can never listen to what I'm instructed. Why must I always do the opposite of what I'm told to do? I mean just look at all the shit I've been through because of my compulsive need to rebel against simple things. I didn't blink an eye when it was just effecting me, but now, now it was causing the people closest to me problems.

I had to change. I refuse to be like this any longer. But where do I even start? Is there a way for me to repay my debts and seek forgiveness from those I've put in harms way? Do I even have time to make amends?

"Hello? Are you even listening to me? You're eyes are all glassy and you were staring at wall..."

"Huh...? Oh yeah, I'm fine."

I shift uncomfortably in my seat. She was staring so intensely at me.

"So uh, why'd you want me to meet you here again?"

I break the awkward silence by asking her a question in hopes that her gaze would soften a bit.

"I missed my best friend! But I hope you don't mind coming all the way out here..." She holds the back of her neck and smiles shyly, "Ricky would only let me leave if he knew that we're close by."

That bastard. He was still as controlling as ever, I wish he would just die.

"Oh of course, I understand completely. I feel like it's been a while since we've been able to sit down and have a conversation like this."

"Yeah, between being a new mom and Ricky and I getting back together it's been hectic."

She slides her hand over to mine and gently holds it. Her palms were soft and so warm, it sent warmth all throughout my body.

"I'm happy to have you, thank you Lili."

My face flushes as her brown eyes stare deep into my own. Her beauty was truly captivating and I had fallen into her trance. This is not good.

"Don't mention it. Anything for you Kazzie." I give her my best reassuring voice in hopes that she didn't notice my red face. "So um, are the boys at home?"

"Oh yes! Ricky's watching after them today... Poor man."

She sat up straight and wrapped her hands around her mug, slowly blowing on the steaming cup before taking a sip. The spot where she had touched me felt cold as she pulled away. I wanted to grab her and tell her that she had to leave Ricky and come back to me. Come back home and start a life with me, that she didn't need him.

"I imagine he's probably going crazy right about now. The twins are truly a handful."

"Oh I bet..."

I try to pay attention to what she's saying but my mind always wanders back to what a life with her would be like. I've never felt like this towards her before, so why now? What changed with me? Why do I feel like this all of a sudden?

"And he's really trying, it makes me happy to see him doing so well."

"I'm happy to hear that..."

I let her continue talking but her words never reach me. I was too concerned about this foreign feeling. Since when did I become so jealous?

"Lili? Lina? Baby you don't look too well, are you okay?"

My mind goes blank as she pressed her hand to my forehead.

"Tsk, you're burning up. C'mon, let's get you out of here."

She gathers her things but I quickly pull her arm before she can get back up.

"Kazzie I-" I sigh. "We need to talk."

She hesitantly sit back down sets her coat in her lap while giving me a concerned stare. She remained quiet and waited for me to continue.

"I've done something horrible. Something I can't take back all because I allowed my jealousy to get the best of me. I'm so sorry Kazzie."

"What horrible thing Lina?"

Her voice was stern and her eyes grew dull, like she was looking down at a pitiful dog.

"I'm sorry Kaz..." I couldn't bring myself to tell her what I've done. I felt worthless, guilty, all I wanted was for this humiliation to end.

"Catalina, you need to tell me what's going on right now. I won't ask you again."

My chest twinged in pain at her words. She had never used my name in all the time that I've know her. She was angry with me and I absolutely hated it.

"It would probably be easier if I just showed you. If you'll let me, I'd like to take you somewhere..."

Anxiety crept up my body as I waited for a response. Her face was unreadable yet the atmosphere held such maliciously.

"Fine. But you do know what comes after, right?"

I swallowed the lump in the back of my throat.

"Y-Yes, I know what comes after."

She nods her head and sighs as she stands from the table.

"Very well, as long as you're aware we can be on our way."

She leaves me at the table and I slowly follow after her. This was it for me. I was going to die at the hands of the woman I loved.