Chapter 12 [I'm so Sorry]

Capricorn 23/2261 22:00

"Move!" I commanded. Rain pounded on my body. My clothes slick with mud. I jumped to my feet and ran into the center of the battlefield, leaping over dead Legion. I shot at the living Legion. Then I looked around. No one followed me. I was utterly alone amid a Legion army. My gun vanished, and I was left with nothing but a knife. My heart pounded in my chest. Bullets rained around me. I knelt on the ground and covered my head. "Help. Help me... please... someone."

"What did the simulations say?" I asked Vix the moment I woke up. My heart pounded in my chest, but I managed to keep my voice from shaking. The room lightened as Vix opened the window. A cool breeze filled the room.

"There was a mix of results. Either it cured the HCDS, or it had no effect." Vix said. She glanced out the window from her spot on my desk. "In one, it made it worse."

I bit my lip and looked around my room. I clenched my fist. That's when I noticed I had my knife in hand. I raised it and snapped it closed.

"Another nightmare?" Vix inquired. I placed the knife under my pillow again and rubbed my face. I shook my head and took a shaky breath in. My frantic heartbeat still loud in my ears. I recognized that battlefield. The first time I had led. Ten thousand Legion versus my thousand. Somehow we won, but the death toll was more than I expected. Only two hundred and twenty-one lived. Jermia said I had done amazingly well. I couldn't help but feel different. That dream came back every once in a while.

"No. Just thinking." I lied, turning my face away. "Did Jackson finish the serum?"

"Yes, it has been delivered into your lab," Vix said. I nodded and threw my blanket off. "Also Cleo left you a message saying she has found a way to make nanoparticles expand and compact on command. She says she may be able to finish your original suit by next month and make another out of Nanos in a year."

"What time is it?" I asked at the same time as looking at the clock. 22:00. I slept in by three cycles. "Damn it, why didn't you wake me?"

"Why, you do not have any meetings or missions today. You also hadn't slept for days before. I thought you needed the extra rest."

"I wanted to do more stuff with the HCDS," I answered. I managed to keep my voice even. I knew Vix was just trying to help me, but she knew I wanted to be awake by 10:00.

"Also, Ethan had requested a training session with you tomorrow," Vix added. "I put it for 11:00. Also, I contacted the Lexi maximum security prison."

"The prison? Why?" I asked. I looked at my ruined wrist for a moment before turning to face Vix.

"Dr. Elizabeth Gian is being held there until next year. I think we should speak to her regarding your mother's files. Perhaps she knows the password. I know you don't want to talk with her, but she is the smartest person alive and was the closest to your mother."

"Who said she was the smartest person alive?" I muttered. I curled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

"I did," Vix answered. I blinked at her. Vix's memory had been damaged around the time of my mother's death. I didn't think she could remember meeting Gian. "My memory may be corrupted, but I do recalling meeting her with your mother."

"She made the Legend program. How many kids has she killed?" I couldn't help but snap. Everything about the Legend program made me angry. I'm not sure why Vix thinks Gian and I in the same room is a good idea. We would be lucky if I didn't kill the old woman.

"How many people have you killed?" Vix asked quietly. My jaw clamped shut, and I gritted my teeth so hard I thought I would break them. Guilt filled my entire body, and my face turned red. Vix's eyes watched me. Sadness filled the small hologram.

"That's not the same." I hissed. "Gian never had to kill. I did."

"Okay..." Vix bowed her head. Her tiny form flickered. "I still believe you should meet her."

"Fine. But I'm not promise anything." I decided. I stood and stretched my arms over my head. My wrist burned, and some of my joints cracked and clicked. Vix winched at the sound.

"It sounds like it's getting worse," Vix noted. I rolled my neck. Crack. Pop. crack. Along with the cell deterioration, the cartilage between my joints was quickly degrading. A symptom of the HCDS.

"How long did the simulation say I had?" I asked. It was hard to talk about my death so carelessly. Every part of me wanted to fight it. My throat burned, trying to prevent me from speaking of it.

"Five years," Vix answered. I swallowed and nodded.

"I want to try the new serum," I answered. I rubbed the bandage on my right wrist. I had to fix it before next week. I stood and grabbed some clothes, quickly changing. I avoided looking in the mirror until I was completely clothed. "Meet me in the lab in twenty."

"You need to eat," Vix added as I headed for the door. I shrugged and tapped open the door. "Don't make me call Cleo again."

"Don't bother," I called over my shoulder. I avoided looking at everyone else on the floor. I pulled my hood up. I rode the lift to the ground floor before hurrying across the courtyard. In the medical/ gym building, I took the elevator to my lab. The soft green light calmed me in ways no other place could. Vix appeared on the island table, her eyes sharp. I scanned the lab. Sitting on the counter closest to the door was a bottle of blue liquid. The label read, HDCS two. I knew Vix was the one to name it. Of course, she would stick with my mother's naming. "What is the optimum condition for using this?"

"From what little I can gather, room temperature and isolated in one limb for ten minutes. Then slow release to the rest of the body. But I have no idea what it will do to your body. I can guess who the cells will react, but not your body." Vix said. I picked up the bottle and stared at it. "Jadien. I beg of you, do not use this. We cannot fully trust it to be safe."

"I have five years left either way..." I muttered. "Even if this kills me now... it's not like I would make a difference. No one would miss me because no one expects me of anything."

Vix fell silent. Her eyes widened. I took her silence as confirmation for my words. I've lost too much to care. Been through hell. It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters. I don't matter. Mom... you expected too much. Yet without you... I don't know what to do.

"How much?" I asked Vix. Silence. I turned and looked at her holographic form. Her shoulders slumped, and her head bowed. "Vixen. How much?"

"50 milligrams. Fifty percent buffer." Vix answered. I put the bottle down and scanned the lab. I grabbed my lab coat and tied my hair back. I worked automatically, without much thought. I knew where everything in this lab was. It hadn't changed since I was born. I made the solution within minutes. Vix remained silent this entire time. She seemed to have given up trying to talk me out of it. I measured out the correct amount and held up the syringe.

"Isolate in my arm for ten minutes, correct?" I asked Vix. She bowed her head. I put the syringe down and found a tourniquet. I tied it around my right upper arm, using my teeth to tighten it. I unwound my bandage, dropping the bloody cloth on the table. I took the syringe and placed it in the center of my wrist. I took a slow breath in. "This is gonna hurt."

"Perhaps." Vix agreed. I took another breath and held it. Then I pushed in the needle. Pain raced through my arm. I gritted my teeth and fought the urge to remove the needle. I let the solution in slowly. The pain grew worse. I pulled the syringe out and dropped it on the counter before falling to the ground. I doubled over. My arm pinned to my stomach. "Jade!"

"Its... ugh... okay..." I grunted. My teeth clenched through the pain. I focused on breathing. The fire spread. "Timer."

Vix looked to her left where a timer appeared. I curled into myself. I felt as if I had dipped my arm into molten metal. I gasped for air. Burning. Everything hurt. Breath. Just keep breathing. Nine minutes. It feels like my cells are on fire. How can I last nine minutes? I fell onto my side. Eight minutes. Vix said the words out. Her voice filled with fear. I couldn't focus on her. Even the sound of her voice didn't quite reach my ears. Seven minutes. I wanted to scream at her to shut up. Being thrown into a star would hurt less. Breathe. I hadn't taken a breath in a minute. Breath. In and out. This was the first time that I could only focus on one thing. Six minutes. Did Vix say that or did I think it? I couldn't tell you. So much pain. So hot. My vision blurred. Focus. Breath. Five. Darkness.