Sixty

When I went to bed that night, I wasn't sure what was going to happen in the future, but I did know that I felt disgusted with myself for what I may have done. Roan had tried to tell me Lucas was lying, but I couldn't deny or confirm, which made me inclined to go with the worst scenario.

I fell asleep and let my dreams take me away to another world and time. When I woke the next morning, I thought I could kill someone. My heart was racing, my mind clear, and my body humming. I didn't care if what I wanted was right or wrong, just that I had to kill someone.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Aspen sitting beside me, seeming to be thinking of something serious. I reach out as my killing need calmed and touched his arm.

He turned his head and looked to me, giving me a small smile. "You are looking better everyday I see you."

"I don't know if I feel better. Maybe physically, but I don't know about everything else."

"That's okay," he whispers. "It takes time."

"How do I feel better?"

Aspen sighs and faces forward. "Well, not having surprises dropped upon you would help."

I smile. "Yeah, that is probably true."

"You don't have to rush this, Zahra. Just lean on all of us. We'll help you however you need us to."

I hesitate, but decide to ask the question on my mind. "Do you think Lucas was telling the truth? About what I did?"

Aspen is silent a long time and I begin to worry what his answer might be. When it does come, I don't feel any better. "I don't know, Zahra. And I don't know how to find the truth. If you have no memory of it, and we don't have a way of getting that, then we have to think about what is possible."

"But I wouldn't do that," I say, sitting up. "I never wanted to be his plaything in the first place!"

"Maybe not," Aspen whispered. "But you were under his control. Anything is possible with him."

I sighed, the need to kill slowly coming back. I didn't want this debate with myself. I didn't want to wonder what I could have done or said while under Lucas's influence. I didn't want the worry.

"Ready to go?" Cat asked, striding up to us and smiling.

"Where?" I asked.

"Home!"

I nod and stand, however, my body still hasn't recovered from Leilani's 'fun' so I fall to my knees. Aspen catches me before I fall face first to the ground, then carries me to a horse. I look around, but see no sign of Roan.

Once I'm atop the horse, Aspen climbs on behind and we set off into the forest. The pace was leisurely, but I was restless. I didn't want to be sitting all day. I wanted to move. I needed to do something.

Aspen leaned in behind me and whispered, "How about when we get home, we go to your brother's meadow and have some quiet time alone?"

"Doing what?"

He shrugged. "We can do anything. We can talk, play, hunt. It doesn't matter."

I think about his offer for a long time before nodding. "Can we kiss?"

"We can do that," he replies. "We can do that right now if you want."

"Slow?"

Aspen wraps an arm about my middle and I tip my head back so it rests on his shoulder. He looks down at me and leans closer, slowly so I have time to stop him if I wished. His kiss was light. It made me stop thinking for a moment, made my body hone its senses in on him and his lips. It made me believe something good could come out of the future.

Aspen pulled back a little and I sighed, my eyes fluttering shut. "Did you like that?"

I nod, unable to speak.

Aspen chuckled and faced forward again, allowing me to lean on him. "I'm glad, Zahra. I hoped you would."

"Does June like Roan's kisses?" I ask, curious but also just blurting out something to say.

Aspen laughs and looks down at me again. "I assume so. They have been kissing for a while now."

"How long?"

Aspen shrugs. "A few years. Your brother just doesn't want to settle down though. He wants his relationship with June to be sure before they take the next step."

"What about Damon?"

"What about him?"

"He needs a mother."

"True, but everyone helps raise him in the village. It's not just your brother."

I nuzzle his neck with my nose, taking in his deep scent. "Like how everyone helps with the babies?"

"Exactly."

I nod. "But he still needs a mother."

Aspen kisses my temple and says, "I'm sure June will find a way to convince your brother to marry her soon. She's very persuasive when she really wants something."

I fall asleep to those words.

I wake to Marin's voice in my head. "You are in big trouble, Zahra. Very big trouble."

I squirm on the horse, tossing my head to the other side.

"I will punish you for this. I will punish you for what you have done."

His voice was soft and soothing, like a parent to a child. But I feared it. I feared his words.

"You will not get far before I find you. Give me one day, Zahra. And you will be with me again."

I opened my eyes and looked around, sitting upright so fast, Aspen nearly fell backwards. "What's wrong?"

I continue looking around, but I didn't see anything amiss.

"Zahra?"

"Where's Roan?"

"Tell me what's wrong."

I shake my head. "I want Roan, please!"

Aspen didn't push, but sped the horse up a little until we found my brother towards the front of our group. "Roan!"

My brother turned and slowed down to a stop, then reached for me when we neared. I wrapped my arms about his neck and held him tight. "What is it?" he asked softly.

"He's coming! Roan, he's coming for me!"

"How do you know?"

"He's in my head!"

Roan curses and stops the horse altogether so he could wrap both arms around me. "Did he say how or when?"

"In a day."

He stroked my back and starts talking to someone nearby. I hold onto him. I don't want to let go. It felt like I was in that child mindset again, not wanting to be away from him. I wish it was possible, but I knew better.

"Zahra, can you listen to me for a minute?"

I sit up and look at him, hope in my heart.

"I am going to have Aspen take you with him, riding as fast and as far as you can."

I shake my head. "No! I don't want to leave you!"

Roan cups my face. "I will be right behind you, guarding you from where he is coming from."

I feel a tear escape to roll down my face. "I don't want to forget you."

"He isn't Lucas. I don't think he wants you oblivious to what is going on."

"But I don't want to forget and hurt you, then remember who you are."

"You won't." He leans in and kisses my brow. "I will make sure you don't hurt anyone, that you don't forget me."

"How?"

He thinks for a minute, staring into my eyes. "Every time I believe you aren't yourself, that someone is controlling you somehow, I'm going to ask you a question. A simple question. One that will be easy for you to answer, but will also make you snap out the trance you're in, okay?"

"What question?"

He smiles. "You'll know it when you hear it."