Monologue 4

Seo-Yeon

Work. Home. My brother Hwi and even Hui-Jee herself although I had no issue with her. This was my routine for months, away from him. There was nothing I could do about it, although I worried terrible about him; was he eating properly? He self-managed all his meals but was it enough? And winter was approaching, was he warm enough? That idiot hardly wore winter clothes, he liked to show off a lot when practising his weaponry. And was he getting enough sleep? I hoped the servants took better care of him in my absence. Then again, looking at Hui-Jee, maybe he was just fine without me. I started to gain some attention to reasons beyond me in the market but no matter who I spoke to; rich or poor, they were not him. Other's saw him as cold I saw him as warm when he was in a comfortable environment. Others saw him as less then, I saw him as more than enough. People saw him as a half human due to his birth right but I saw him as a bright, intelligent unique man who could more than provide for anyone much less himself if people extended their hands to him. Despite his part in everything I could see he was genuine about protecting me from everything much less his father. He even started accompanying me on my days off in the market myself. I just...craved his bold presence that carried so much warmth to me he was probably oblivious to it. The mere sight of him made me feel protected and safe no matter what I was going through...I knew at some point I had to leave him for a while when the time came...but it could't be now. I was beginning to surrender to him a lot more than I planned to, hard and fast; leaving him would be like trying to breathe without oxygen.

Seon-Ho

Work. Alcohol. Work. Weaponry practice. All these things were getting muddled the minute she left. In fact only a couple of hours after she left....I found her embroidery with my name embedded in it which she hid in a remote corner of my mother's quarters. I broke down like never before. I missed her so much I found myself at an opium den a few hours later, my vision completely filled with tears. I didn't want to admit the reason why I was acting up the way I was, it was like I had turned into the darker version of myself that I had been holding back since I lost the only woman to love and trust me but now? I didn't even know if she hated me or not. Would I ever see her again? I had no idea. That thought alone was turning my sorrow into rage. Who then would take notice of me if not her? Who would come to me and care for me if not her? Who would reach out to me and pull me away from my own darkness let alone my father's if not her; the only living witness to it all? In her absence I fully realised the horror Hwi must have been going through when he knew he lost her temporarily and I smashed my liquor bottle against the wall, hitting someone although they were too strung out to react. This feelings of guilt, abandonment, shame..and love where all getting confused and I didn't see an end to it until I saw her again, or I would be driven to an early death. But not yet...I couldn't visit her so soon after all her revelations. What if she hated me? She turned up again in the palace and revealed more secrets that had to do with the foundation of my life; she still couldn't look at me but she was shaking. But we didn't have the chance to reunite. In fact we were torn apart even more but. I had enough already. Our guilt kept us apart sometimes but she kept coming back into my life and absolving me of all my hardships without a shred of hatred in her voice. If this wasn't a sign for me to bring her back to me, what was?