Rebirth

My name is Vadim, I am a 27 year old otaku and I haven't stepped outside since the wednesday of 2018. You might think that although I am a sad worthless loser (and you would be right), that I at least have a varied taste in all manner of media. Right? Wrong I've watched nothing but Blade Craft Connected all these years, Its not my fault that there are currently 25 major arcs and 14 anime seasons adapted from the manga, which in its own turn is currently on chapter 1986. Oh I can't also forget the spinoffs. But, I'm rambling. I should say more about myself, except I have nothing else thats in any shape or form interesting about me. Well, I do have a milk allergy.

A sound chimes in the distance

Oh that must be the door! Probably my food has arrived. I ordered from this new place that I heard opened around the corner, hope they listened to my request to not have milk in my soup.

It had milk

Sitting at my table I pause in horror with the spoon midway in mouth. I feel a shudder of clear, absolute terror resonate through my body. This taste, nay consistency is too thick, too heavy. It can be only one thing....

milk

The world halts to a stop, my mind blanks, I think nothing, I see nothing, I hear nothing. In an instance a ray of light pierces my mind: Get to the toilet.

I know that I have only a few seconds before the milk hits my stomach and I lose it. The last I had milk was the wednesday of 2018 at a party. Let me say that it might have influenced my decision to become a shut in...

I launch off my chair and sprint towards the bathroom, everything is a blur, my knees are weak and my entire being is on the verge of collapse. I slip through the doorway and drop onto the throne.

Silence fills the air

Suddenly I find myself in a large open space, although the area is dark there is a slight glow in the air, a bit like cranking up the gamma in a game.

My eyes are naturally drawn upwards through to fog to lay upon three toilets floating in the air....

'Who a-are yo-you" I manage to stutter.

'The council is considering your fate, please stand by' says a deep booming voice.

This is it I think to myself. I have finally gone bonkers. All these years sitting at home, watching all the filler arcs, fan service and endless lootboxes have turned my brain to a mush. Maybe I am just no longer able to precieve the world and this is what my mind shows me instead. Why is it toilets though? Oh yeah I had that soup with milk didn't I? I'm probably shitting myself off right now while my mind is breaking apart and showing me this.

'The Council has decided your fate human, although you're dead we are willing to give you another chance at reincarnation' said the booming voice.

'What WHAT? I'M DEAD? HOW!' I scream half heartedly, not really caring to be honest.

The toilet at the far right of the group said in a gruff, thick voice: 'yes it must have come as a shock we understand'

'Not really' I reply, 'It was gonna happen eventually, eating doritoes all day does that to you'

The toilet on the left shuddered. 'He's right you know, I checked his waste data just now'.

'But no seriously I'd love to know how I died' I interrupt. It should be noted that I don't actually believe I'm dead, this must be a hallucination or something.

'Your entire body exploded from that milk you drank, not only was it what you were allergic too but it was also unpasturished and 2 weeks out of date' said the middle toilet.

'What the actual F-'

'So anyways about the reincar-'

'What the hell why was it unpasturished?'

'reincarnation' finishes the middle toilet. 'Whould you like to be reincarnated with our blessing?'

'Yeah sure whatever just get me out of whatever this is'

'Very well'

Suddenly everything turns black, and I feel my body shoot up into the air at an unprecedented speed, I feel my entire being compress and shift as I suddenly start to fall back as as fast as I rose.

Lower and lower until I couldn't take it anymore.

Then suddenly a flashing light appears and my vision starts to return. I start to see again, looking around I notice I am in a concrete shack, a bathroom I finally notice.

'Huh what's this? Am I shorter?'

I move my arms and I see my familiar hand, i look down and my good old feet greet me.Am i just sitting down? wait no, why can't I move? I look around and catch a gaze of the mirror. What greets me is, somthing horrid.

I see a toilet screwed into the floor (like all normal toilets are) with my arms and legs.

"WHAT THE HELL!?' I scream with my heart in it.