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My Toilet is a Wizard

"After your tasty soup I am not moving my butt of the toilet. That soup had milk in it. I am allergic to milk, and now after suffering a horrible death on the toilet I myself was reincarnated as a toilet". The main protagonist Vadim, an Otaku must navigate a tricky cyberpunk new world as a Toilet! Will he piss and shit himself? Or will he actualy manage to achieve something? Find out by reading!

helixedo · perkotaan
Peringkat tidak cukup
9 Chs

Deep Night

It was a long day for 78.

The scouting mission was an absolute disaster, and not in any traditional sense either. Which would have been acceptable, as a member of the resistance 78 has long accepted that anything can break apart and go long at any time. But, when you had some bizzare unexpected bullshit occur that wipes 6 months of progress, you tend to be just a little bit pissed.

Sitting down at a bar, 78 couldn't help but scowl. What the hell was that toilet? Could he be a spy? Created by the MANAguru to infiltrate the resistance. It would make perfect sense, It would explain how he managed to be in one of MANAguru's secure 'chill zones'. Which actually just meant weapon stashes.

'aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' A scream literaly zoomed past down the hall to 78's right.

'What the hell was that' said 78 shattering a newly held beer. Jumping quickly off, 78 spent no second purshing the beserk toilet. Are those pants?

'Its alright a 78' said the mustached bar keeper. 'This one is on the a hou-' 78 didn't hear the rest running down the hallway.

'Whats he doing now?' wondered 78 bitterly.

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'Why am I running?' thought Vadim. It's not like I am in trouble or anything, well I did break that wall so that will be awkward. Not as awkward as ever seeing that nurse again though.

'Hey you there stop- ' said a strange voice. looking back I see that same mysterious figure from before. 78 I believe was the name.

'Why are you running like that, not to mention screaming your lungs out like a lunatic' said 78 catching up to me. Even though I couldn't see 78's facial expression I could feel the thick stench of 'I'm very pissed' eminating from 78.

'Well I said something very embarrassing to that nurse down the hall. I could see the nurse running down towards us, with a clearly concerned expression. 'Oh shit can we please go? I will legit die of embarssment if she steps within 4 feet of me' I say pleadingly to 78.

'Follow me, I know a place' said 78. We run further down the hall and take a few turns then climb a staircase. The entire place looked like a hospital. Except instead of white walls the entire facility was made of something that can only be described as dark steel. reaching the top of the stairs. I step with 78 up to a wall. Not breathing heavily for the first time since, well, ever!

78 takes out a cube and swipes it at the wall. Which disentegrates and we walk out onto a large roof. infront of us and above, streaches a city into the distance. The visage is just as strange as the one I saw above the warehouse. But, instead of towering I am dwarfed. It is once again hard to explain but it feels like I am in a ditch, and even the smallest shack towers over me to infinity. I walk with 78 in silence. dazzling lights shining across the entire roof, but paradoxically, only empathising how dark the roof is. 78 stops at the guardrails, looking over the city.

'Right, I tried asking you multiple times, and to be honest I am too exhausted to either repeat myself or try to make myself clearer. You know what I want to know. So start explaing however you see fit. Once your're done, I will answer whatever questions you have' said 78.

'Very well' I say. Joining beside 78, I tell her everything, excluding the whole reincarnation and death by shitting part.

78 keeps on looking motionless. An awkward silence follows.

'I see' says 78. ' So you're not a spy, your experience in the under-crypts is too accurate to be made up'

'I guess you want to know who we are and how you got here?'

'yes please'

'Well I can't exactly answer the former accuratly. I guess you can think of us, of this place, as a sort of refuge for those that don't accept MANAguru's rules' says 78. 'As for how you got here, I was the one who rescued you, you jumped out of an exploding MANAguru's guardhouse'

'I guess I was shattered into pieces wasn't I?'

'Yes I had to carry you in a trash bag all the way here, your welcome by the way'

'I see' I say shuddering. 'Right can you now explain what this whole MANAguru thingy is?' I add.

'The rest will want to meet you soon, you were supposed to be lockedup until the elders were ready to question you' says 78 ignoring the question.

Suddenly, through the wall we came through, multiple of what can only be called soldiers run out pointing what can only be called guns.

'Stand down and put your hands where we can see them!'

I look helplessely at 78.

but I am alone.

78 is nowhere to be found.

'Well fuck' I think.