Chap 1.1 : Hunger

Ramkhamhaeng area (Bangkok), 10 years ago.

I was in the university student uniform, sitting straightly and trying to smile as friendly as possible even though I was sweating inside my chest and starting to appear on my forehead and neck. I felt my stomach constriction as if it was to torn apart. I was starving AF. There had been only water inside my stomach since yesterday morning to this moment.

Of course, I was starving and praying for my belly not to cry out embarrassedly because I was in a stuffy job interview room. The only fan in this room was working for a fob man who made an interview. His white-cleaned hand was holding my resume, reading my briefly filled out form.

"Miss Sirin Ratthanom, 20 years old, holding a high school diploma? Are you still studying in the school?"

He looked at me for his question.

"Yes, I'm studying in Ramkhamhaeng University."

I nodded and answered modestly. My eyes glimpsed on the interviewer and my resume which he was reading page by page. He lowered his head and paid attention to the document without watching me again.

I might look like a countryside-shabby girl who had a dark-skinned burnt from the sun. My body type was average, not too big or thin. My sweat from a hot-humid weather was starting to pour out from my back to hip.

My gloomy face with no makeup on, not even a lip balm, had only a baby powder which I put it on before I walked straightly from the dorm to the interview place. The powder on my face must had been gone and left only an oily shabby face.

I was just a countryside girl who look plainly, not in a beauty standard which often got interested more.

"You contact number is … 02 … a landline?" His brows frowned, then looked at me.

"Ah.. Yes.. It's my dorm's landline. I'm currently staying in a female dorm."

"Do you have your cellphone number?"

"No, I don't have a cellphone. I can't afford it."

I lowered my voice for the latter sentence as if there was something stuck in my throat. The listener looked up to me with his questionable sight.

I saw his eyebrows twitching a bit while his eyes showed that it was unbelievable.

An HR beautiful guy of convenient store company which has the most branches in this country looked at me and explored more seriously than glancing like the first time I walked into the room. He might not believe that there were still people who didn't have a cellphone this era.

"I really don't have one, sir. My family is poor."

I reaffirmed my answer.

//Fricking poor. A super fricking poor, you know? I could only think of my reply in my head but didn't split them out.//

"Alright, so do you have a number we can contact your relatives?"

"Yes, it's my sister's."

"Biological sibling, am I right?" When I nodded to confirm, the HR guy turned to read my resume again.

"What is your sister's job? Where does she stay?"

What did it relate to my sister? The one who applied for the job was me, not my sister.

"There must be a relative or someone we can contact in emergency during your operation time."

As if he read my mind so he explained the reason why he asked about the detail of my sister.

"My sister is a teacher in a public school in Mae Sarieng."

(Mae Sarieng is a district in Mae Hong Son in the northern Thailand, considered a remoted area.)

It was again that the guy looked at me with his frowned eyebrows before he nodded his head and continued reading my resume. I didn't know what he wrote on my document while he mumbled something until he looked up again.

"Can you do a shift work?"

"Yes"

"If you need to work at the farther branch or where that travelling is inconvenient, would you be comfortable to that?"

I paused and started thinking on this question. I didn't have a problem with travelling. I was a hardworking girl. The concern was the travelling fare. I really didn't have any money. As for today, I walked here. The distance was only 2 km. It wasn't troubled at all. Nonetheless, I had only 34 baht and they were all coins sleeping in my bag with a copy of resident registration and high school diploma which I used for applying the job. That was all I had and I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday. When I thought about it, that was no more uncertain to me. I immediately nodded to him.

"I believe I can do it. I can go to work anywhere. I'd love to work."

I was going to fainted from starving. I needed a job. I needed money. If I had to work a plunger for money, I'd do it.

"We are accepting only a part-time position. The salary is 300+ per day. Are you ok with that?"

He looked at me only for a short time that I nodded as a respond.

"Well then, I'd put your position in the branch. Can you start your work right away?"

"Of course, I am!"

I was having a ringing in my ears because of starvation. Anyhow, I nodded to confirm. The smile appeared on my face as well as the HR guy who I was looking him as the god. I wouldn't die from starvation because of him. I'll remember you until the day I die.

"Please start your first day tomorrow. Working time starts at 6.30am. The branch manager will prepare you the uniform. Please wear black pants and black shoes. Welcome to our company and have a good luck."

I couldn't remember how many times I bowed and thanked him. Even though, I was starving to dead but I was happy better because I wouldn't die from starving in the next few months.

But before the day comes, I needed to find something to fill my stomach. It was another day that I hadn't eaten anything. The only 34 baht (~1$) in my pocket would be needed to buy water from the machine in front of my dorm to replace today and tomorrow meal.

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I rushed out from the convenient store branch which I took an interview with full of heart. I got a job! I was going to have money to buy meals without depending on my sister who would transfer money to me! I walked to the nearest mall. This mall had a public phone which was still working. I went straight to the green-orange communication equipment and put coins into it, then pressed the number to call the one who was as another god.

"Hello, Nam! It's me, Nat. I got a job! They accepted me. Please don't forget what I asked, the 500 baht (~14.25$). My money is running out. I don't have pants for work. I need to wear black pants. I only have one"

I spoke to the phone who was a teacher in remoting area because I didn't want anyone to hear my conversation while monitoring the balance screen and calculated for more coin to refill. Then, I heard my beloved sister replied.

"I think my money isn't sufficient, too. I have to spend on many things. There is no PC at my school. I just paid an installment for my laptop. I'll try to ask New for you. The money from the education loan will be transferred to her tomorrow. I'll tell her to transfer money to you."

"Ok, then. Don't forget about it. I don't have money. I only have 100 baht with my now (~2.8$). I may not have pants for work. I need to eat instant noodles again today."

What a lie! Only have 100 baht? Spitted it!!! I didn't even have an instant noodle or 100 baht! I restrained myself lying to my sister even my stomach was crying.

"Ok, I'll call New right now. I'll tell her to transfer you 500 baht. Then, you call to confirm with .."

The public phone screen displayed out of credit with my only 30 baht (~0.85$) in the pocket. I wanted to cry. At least, I could make a request before the line was cut.

I placed my hope on New, the little sister who was studying in the public university in the south. We are all orphan girls and biological siblings who lived with our father's relatives since we could remember. Our childhood lives was rough, even now.

When we were young, we needed to work to earn money for going to school. We had nothing to eat but rice and salt. Still fortunate enough to have a house with no rent. Though, I was 20 already. How was I supposed to continue living in my relative's house? It wasn't proper. I needed to move out and rent a tiny dorm with overdue payment. I didn't have even a salt to mix with rice but filtered water. My life wasn't better but miserable. The only thing I had to passthrough was surviving the day.

After I left the mall, I went to a park until dawn. I kept watching at my cheap watch and wait for the time that the dorm-caretaker would leave. Exactly, I tried to avoid her because of my 2 months overdue payment. I didn't want to do it but I had no resolution. If auntie Aoy met me now, how could I find 5000 bath (~142.85$) rental fee for her?

I waited for the time that I was certain that I wouldn't meet auntie Aoy. Then, I got up from the lawn of the park. But when I got up, I was fainted, felt like I saw something glittering, unstable ground, had a ringing in my ears and falling down. I forced myself to standstill to recover. Damn it. I was starving and nearly fainted. Water in the bottle filled from the filtered machine in front of the dorm was finished for a while.

I started to stabilize myself, walk myself forcefully while my legs were shaking to a dimming light road. There was still heavy traffic especially motorcycle taxi who buzzing around at around 8pm.

The female dorm I stayed was about 800 meters far from the main road. There was a small temple next to a filthy canal before the bridge which used to cross to the dorm. Cheap female dorm in Bangkok with around 2000–3000-baht (~57-85.7$) rental fee including water and electricity wasn't easy to find. Even though, it was kind of out of the way, but it fitted the poor like me.

While I was forcing my terrible-look body to go back to the dorm, I was nearly fainted and die. I was starving until the eye pattern. I needed some water to patch my stomach for the better. I wished I could go back to the dorm fastest to refill my bottle of water and hunger.

My head blinked up on the idea if I should use a shortcut. The shortcut I mentioned was the shortcut from the side door of the temple to the back of the temple. If there was during the day, I would happily use it without complain. Though, it was at night and more importantly, the back exit was near the crematory.

Da hell… I hated the temple because I was terrified of ghost, the ghost I never saw even once. But if I didn't walk pass through this temple, I would be the one who turned into a ghost because of starvation.

No more! I decided to walkthrough the side door of the temple. What did I need to be terrified of with the brightly light like this? Lots of temple dogs could stay here. No ghost haunted them. I tried to take the bull by the horns, rushed to the path I passed during the day for many times to the back exit.

Eventually, I saw a water cooler in the temple. Like a god send! How could I forget that this temple has a free refilled water cooler? I grinned. I survived to day! My two legs brought me right to the water cooler and I drank it 3 glasses of water continuously.

//Alright! I survived for another day!//

After I satisfied drinking water, I refilled the bottle which were in my tote bag. How lucky I could find free water. I could save at least 2-3 baht.

I stored the bottle into the bag, holding them in my arms as I was too exhausted to carry them onto my shoulder. I stepped to the back exit. My heart was still fearsome and beating fast as I was terrified of ghost. I looked straight and rushed to the front. It was like running pass the crematory to the little back exit at the pier with eased. It was nothing, wasn't it? No ghost but the dogs lying on the temple ground.

Phewwww… I deeply sighed.

//Thank you to the temple for helping me survive the day. If one day I have enough money, I'll requisite into the donate box.//

After exiting the temple to the pier which was dark, there was the only light. I had to carefully walk while looking on the path because I was afraid of stumbling.

While I was walking across the bridge behind the temple to the other side of the canal, I accidentally saw an orange on the concrete ground, lying still near the bridge neck. I was about to pass it. Though, I stopped and hesitated.

//Is the fell-to-the ground orange dirty? Is it spoiled? Where did it come from? Was it from anybody's bag?//

My head was full of thoughts. However, my body picked the orange up. It was big and fresh, not even stained.

//"You're almost starve to death, Nat! Why are you worried about trivialities? You are no better than a vagrant. If you mind this orange, you'd better die of starvation. Don't you pity your own stomach? Better let it digest something, loser."//

It echoed in my ears. She must be another me who was complaining to myself. So, I put the orange into my bag without anymore hesitation. Let's wash it before eating. Although, you are starving but you'd better clean it up before eating. Once I realized, I hurried crossing the bridge to a small road where my dorm was located.