Chapter 6: Vivid Blue

Maxx POV

A large part of me—previously the only part of me—felt strongly that we had gone too far. Not only were my pack mates distant, they were far enough away that I almost couldn’t sense them at all. I knew their direction, and I knew they were fighting. That was it.

On the other hand, this new part of me (the one which wanted to be with AJ so much) finally felt like we had gone far enough. I didn’t like that I had been forced to choose between too-far and not-far-enough. But my irate pack mate Storm had seen to that.

He had chased us into the woods, not wanting to let go of either AJ nor me. He chased us for quite some time. Except, when we reached the boundary to where our pack link diminished, Storm had turned back. Yet I had pushed on. It was the only time in my whole life that I’d felt so alone.

You were never away from your pack. Not ever.

It was only possible because of AJ. Everything felt better when I was with him. I wasn’t even sure how, because we had known each other for all of… ten minutes? Maybe fifteen? Even so, he gave me enough strength to break away from my pack, which was definitely no small feat.

It did take a lot of energy, though. After all, I’d been sprinting for AJ’s life. While carrying the little guy, too.

I only realized how exhausted I was when my legs gave out. I crashed to the forest floor much more dramatically than I’d have liked.

“About time!” AJ said. He rolled a short distance now that I had finally let him go. But it took him a bothersome length of time to recognize that I had collapsed on the ground.

AJ rushed to my side. “Maxx? Maxx!!!”

It was almost worth the worry, the sprinting, the fighting, and even pushing beyond pack boundaries entirely, in order to feel his concern. AJ nuzzled me and licked my face. But it was also a little weird. He leaned into the wolf thing pretty hard. But, to each his own, and besides, the Moon Goddess bestowed her gift to each of us in our own unique ways. Alphas and Betas, and pack telepathy and mate bonds, all existed because of her gift. So, too, did AJ exist because of her gift. Even if he was quirky about it.

I liked that about him.

I did need him to stop, though.

Now that we were safe from harm, I shifted and pushed my mate away from me. Interestingly, now that I was human again, it was even easier to notice that AJ really was quite small. There’s no way I should have been able to push a shifted wolf aside so easily. It was that, or I didn’t know my own strength.

I got my answer, though, when AJ shifted back as well.

To me, it felt like the closest we’d been, even though I had literally just been carrying him by the scruff of his neck. And it wasn’t like wolf form didn’t count. But this was more intimate to me. This was the real AJ before me. And while he was always going to be my white wolf, it felt that now I could see AJ for who he truly was.

And he really was just quite small.

Right now, he was looking quite sheepish as well.

“Was that…too much?” He asked, probably regarding the licking thing.

“I mean, a bit, but that’s fine.” I said. Then I made an exaggerated show of wiping my face dry. “We did only just meet, you know.”

Even though he wasn’t shifted anymore, it felt like his ears folded back in shame all the same. “Sorry.”

I smiled at him. “No, it’s fine, AJ. Really.”

He smiled back at me. With that smile, I knew it had all been worth it. Yes, I had left my pack’s sphere of influence, which was absolutely strictly forbidden. But for that smile, I would walk away from a hundred packs, at least.

He must have seen me recall my pack, however, because his vivid blue eyes lit up with concern.

“Maxx? What’s wrong?”

I grimaced a little, not wanting to get into it. There was just too much, I wouldn’t know where to start. For the first time in my life I had disobeyed a direct order, that was a good place to start. And I had gotten in plenty of scraps before (a lot of them including Storm, actually). But he had gotten me good, and drew a lot of blood. I was glad to notice the wound was healing nicely so far, even with my exhaustion from running for who knows how long.

But those were just two of the many things on my mind. And for now, I wished I could clear some of that away. Couldn’t we just spend some time together now that we had gotten away from the fight? This was my mate I was talking with. Mate bonds weren’t even supposed to be real. It made me want to give this moment my absolute attention.

Still, I couldn’t outright lie to him. “It’s my pack.” I said, hoping he would leave it at that.

I should have known better.

“What about them? Are you upset that you left?” AJ asked. Perceptive of him. “Because we can go back!”

“No, I’m happy being with you.” I said. But something struck me as odd. “Wait. Aren’t you worried about being away from your pack?”

“Uhm… no? I don’t feel especially far from them right now. At least, not further than I normally am.”

I looked at him to see if he was joking or not. You couldn’t just separate from your pack like this and feel indifferent about it.

Could you?

AJ looked at me, then realized something was off. “Is that not normal?”

“You don’t feel any sort of loss as being so far from them? Or, does that mean that your satellite Alpha is still close by? I thought we were alone.”

“Satellite Alpha? Maxx, what are you talking about?”

I furrowed my brow, then finally had the good sense to stand up off the ground. I had a little too much energy just now to be sitting for this conversation.

“You know,” I said. “The bond that an Alpha will give to a sub-Alpha. That way, we can all stay connected to the Alpha at all times, through the Satellite Alpha.”

Now it was my turn to suspect something was off, because AJ looked at me a bit like I was insane.

AJ stood up off the ground. “…yeah, Maxx, we don’t have that.”

He looked even smaller to me now that we were both standing. But I really needed to regard him as something more than just, ‘my white wolf’ or ‘my small AJ’. So I spent some time looking at the other parts of him too. His hair was so blond it almost looked white, and his eyes were still that same vivid blue he had while shifted. That was a little interesting to me. When a shifter entered wolf form, it was with the power of the Moon Goddess behind them. It helped to exaggerate certain features. I had thought for sure the shine in AJ’s eyes would have come from that.

But here he was, plain old AJ. Still with those eyes which, to me, at least, seemed to shine.

“… what?” AJ asked, clearly a little uncomfortable.

I hadn’t meant to stare at him. I just got lost in his eyes. But since we had, after all, only recently met, I told him only some of that truth.

“I like your eyes.” I said. It still felt like a vulnerable, or even cringe, thing to say. Especially since we had just met. But it sure sounded better than ‘I got lost in them.’

AJ’s cheeks reddened. He squirmed a little under my gaze and started making a little circle in the ground with his foot as a nervous tick.

It made me adore him all the more.

Even though the startling differences in our pack dynamics really should have concerned me much more than it did.