Sky Flower

My pink skin and my pink dreams . I was not dreaming but covering my small soft body with my thin, very thin transparent cover of dreams. The cover was multi coloured and I was just busy in opening the locks permanently stuck on every door of my small mind.

I really don't have a single word for my first amazing small world . After a long time I got two small words ' Sky Flower'

And the sky flower was 'Neelkamal' . My dear friends this name is South Asian Indian name from Eastern part of India. A soft beautiful serene whitish blue and silver coloured flower bloomed floating sparsely into small surroundings of water fronts shining like drops of dew in first ray of sun. Light blue shades on it's soft petals seems like the smooth soft cotton balls on the sheathe of petal surface.

And in 1968 at the age of 7- 8 I first travelled through a local train to the remote parts of West Bengal where to my first astonishment a shocking plate of white blue silver coloured tiny water flowers were looking at sky that even the Milky way seemed to take continuous shots and radiated back on earth.

And that was the first day when I suddenly gasped and sighed with only one word :- Sky Flower. I was not looking straight towards the long stretch of those beautiful blue white canopies dancing like sea waves. I was more looking at sky where I was gazing over the roof like shadowy sheathe of milkyway and consistently confirming myself to view "sky flowers"

So at the age of after this short incident I named my adoring Neelkamal as Sky Flower.

She was running at a lightening speed in front of me. Her little blue skirt was waving in the sky to make a clear view of her pure pink little body. The double stitched lining of her small silky white inners were looking like the frames of some intricate art. Knots of small polished shoe laces started unknotting. She was looking like a flying soft front side of a petal. Her speeding legs with uncovered wavy skirt were blooming like two fresh new bud trembling in the new world. She was just running oh sorry speeding fast fast more fast challenging me to chase her for nothing but a big naughty cause I have never ever came across at that tender age and till this age of gasping on my memories.

A few minutes ago I was just sitting quite in the classroom on the last bench keeping my head against the wall and my eyes were gazing at the roof of the room just thinking about everything which never entered into my little mind . I was lost into an unknown world a world of amazing dreams and thoughts. My little mind was spinning out like the shades of revolving plates of roof fans. I was completely lost into some unknown world.

And to my astonishment and shock ...

Those were the days when we all kids were extremely sensitive and studious even in the little vacant time in school. Reason were two.

Our (not only mine) school was Army Affliated and mostly Army Parents of our Ramgarh Army Centers as well all the deployed Army personnel in Ranchi and Dhurwa sectors usual get their kids admitted to this school. The biggest difference was that the frequent transfers of these Army personnel no where create any obstacles in readmission as our school have branches in all the prominent cities of India especially for Army People. So it was first named as "Kendriya Vidhalay " or " Central school". Secondly we all were mostly disciplined in a very different atmosphere and with almost different culture. So influence of such atmosphere skewed our minds to stay either on academic studies or school games to further yourself either in exams or in school sports.

So the whole class was vacant. That was the sports period. In those days our sports period or library period or crafts period were held for 90 minutes instead of a period of usual 45 minutes. So 90 minutes. Me and my period of sports of 'Standard Second'. Damn those days what I was doing alone in my classroom sitting on the back most seat of the room. No wrong ! I was not alone there. A few other class boys still I remember Pradipto, Himanshu, Thomas, Ashu and a few more were also in the class room making fun and mockery through their mimicry and other naughtiness laughing loudly or sometimes making a hush sh sh sh sh... to each other may be on certain slants and remarks on remaining two or three girls sitting on the opposite end gossiping in very low tone. After so many years I got this point what these boys make fun of and talk about which all was just a waste of mind to me.

I was in a sleeping mode not sleeping but keeping my head against the wall just thinking about something which I still try to reverie. So I was so lost in myself that even the whispering sounds all around me was not entering into my ears even the loudest laugh intermittently. And everything rest was so silent for me that I forget where was I before the happening of that ever memorable incident to me.

And to my astonishment and shock.....

Let me explain first why it was to my astonishment and shock. When something happened to someone so unexpectedly even beyond one's dreams and imaginations within a few seconds that such few seconds even could not be outlined or recollected I felt it to my extreme astonishment and when such few seconds horror play is written by the most sophisticated, sober, beautiful, tender pinkish girl who never even tried to lift her up from her desk to play with her friends then I felt it to my extreme shock.

Neelkamal was her name or so I changed it to Skyflower.

So my skyflower was so tender that I always felt an unknown fear even if imagined to hold her hand. She was so slim but with strong bones and a fine layer of muscles over it which started radiating pink with light blue lines of nerves. I can't explain this beauty now which my eyes have soaked from her body.

Though our school dress was very common white shirt with blue skirt for girls and half pants for boys till class V11 . But my Skyflower was like some glittering star in blue and white dress with a sky blue belt on the top knots of skirts. In those days Girls always used a matching clip on her forehead. As usual there was a blue and white Batch of our school to be attached with our school white shirt at the left side . White Socks and finally Black shoes complete the amazing beauty.

There were only few kids who got there fabulous beauty in school dress. And one of them was my Sky Flower. No , not for the reason of my attention to her all the time but for the reason that her style and get up of dress was so clean and organized properly washed , wrinkle free ironed, always wearing a shine of newness and stitched very gracefully. Skirt was almost of the length above 6 inches from knee and around 12 inches from waste. Now imagine a perfect 24 inches length of shirt and skirt which was making a magic on the beauty of my sky flower of 3.5 ft height and that was enough to outline her beauty inch by inch.

She was a very peaceful less spoken in my words but not an introvert girl who possessed a special God gifted grace in her every activity . When she move she took every pace very soberly and when she sit idle she gaze on any thing very spiritually as I judge now. In those days I felt she is very disappointed or sorrowful . I started imaginings lot of things from her parents problems to her many personal problems like unfinished home tasks and all. I always found her unique and different to everyone in my classroom and even near my residence.

But such a Skyflower did something ...

And that to my astonishment & shock..

Just a few moments more ..... let me complete my reasons of astonishment and shock.

Almost all the time a go silent rubber doll can ever be a master of sudden unexpected live jerk to my whole personality at that little age can never be expected.

I always thought why little girls encompass the whole beauty of this world and next why girls even at that little age had guts to damage the whole male dignity even if unknown to that little boy. How these girls learned at that little age to counter the whole intensity of Male smile and happiness to convert it into a gaping sigh of astonishment and shock.

To my shock and surprise to a few seconds I got like bloodless. My nerves got cold and all my capillary nerves stopped working. I get bemused and stuck to my senselessness. I sti ll try to find out the reasons of my partial attack on senses and my physical energy for a few seconds.

.........I felt a gasping small sigh of someone fastly running to me. Oh no It was not only a sigh but I heard a small noice and sound of little breathes she was taking just at my face being so close to me.

So close to me at my left side as I was sitting at one corner of the last bench of my class room. She was almost standing very close to me like she was going to embrace me. I was just feeling it with my closed eyes but to my shock what I was seeing with my closed eyes actually happening there since a few seconds ago.

And the moment came - a roaring sound - two moving up and down paws with long nails near my eyes - two little red reversed eyes with balls almost out of the eyes as repositioned after reversal of the upper eyelids. Eye balls were covered all around with eye water like a red sea.

She was playing with her paws and claws just frightening and threatening me like a small fighter cat. Her horse like hooves at me were very small but the way they were terrorizing me looked large at that age because I was also 8 years old

For a few seconds I took a glimpse of her eyes and I really trembled as never before. My nerves get numbed. Her eyes were looking like a red sprout at the sugar cane. It was as she was having sore eyes so called xerophthalmia. She was looking steadily at me with such a broad span of eyes.

But what she did to her eyes. First time in 4 years of my schooling I have seen such thing. She stretched her upper eye lid pressured it from it's top surface to insert inside so that eye lashes shall come out enough to make a reverse gesture for a few seconds. Eye balls got broaden and started peeping out of their window and all around the eye water over the eye earth looked like a red sea. Neither it was opthalmia nor ligaments of the eyes. Neither it was drowsiness or the damage.

It was a trick ! a painful, funny, risky and deceiving trick ! Stretching upper lid down enough to fold again in a reverse manner when eyeballs started peeping out.

In those years most probably that shocking game of eyes were just introduced and many children could practise it very quickly. A game of creating reversal of one's own eyes . Upper eye lid is usually reversed to let the eyes ball google out of the eyes. It was so daring and drastically dangerous.

But I have seen it just at that moment very first time and that also out of my imaginations. My skyflower just a peace loving, cute, silent doll like figure in the class room could ever do it to any one ? Who never believed in class sports or any games whether inside or outside never participated in swimming, cycling, racing or any thing where she could threw her energy out to fun herself or join with other class mates , is it believable that she could ever do it to me.

Just a fun of few seconds but my heart popped at her like never before. I really trembled and shocked . Within a few seconds I get numbed and fixed at my bottom on the desk. My lips half open tried to murmur with no advantage and again locked. Here all such write ups happened on that day within 15 seconds. I again half closed my eyes and tried to stay my head in on the back walls of my class rooms.

She was wavering her paws with long nails on me and trying to jerk those reversed eyes on me. She went on doing this for next 15 seconds. She was neither getting feared of me nor of any class teacher . She was just busy in herself and provoking me to daringly face her paws and claws as challenging me to something awkward.

And yes to my mistake or say out of my little mind's ego or out of fun or out of accepting challenge to me or out of a feeling of revenge or what was the feeling just impossible to view or grasp or realise at this age I really get provoked and jerked for a second.

I started collecting whole of my inner energy from my solar plexus and started gathering it in my heart to create a force in me . I still don't know what happened to me at that moment. Where I was sitting numb and staring at her with my half open eyes as I was having no energy and force inside me just to my shock I lifted myself within a second with ultra quick force and whole of my body strength and tried to catch her wrist ....

Alas....!

To my failures one after other it was also a gross failure. My hand slipped and slipped with two small jerks and slips and tried to stayed on the tip of her fingers that also in vain. With no loss of seconds she moved back and started mocking me pocking through her small tip of tongue showing me like a mouth of fish popping out of water for a fresh breathe or a new born chick pop out of her mother's wings to see the sky with her half closed eyes.

She slipped her front tiny part of her tongue out of lips and tried to poke me up as making mockery of my defeat keeping her every step backward very slowly like half pace with half space.

What was the scene ! Ever memorable ! Ever lingering ! Resume once :

Her 'red reversed eyelids', 'popping out eyeballs' 'paws in the air in front of my eyes' 'sharp claws in front of paws as hooves' 'roaring whimsical breathe to get me fearful' 'mocking tip of tongue slipped out waving up and down' wavering legs', 'dancing little body to and fro' '30 degree inclination of the whole figure' 'falling and swaggering body on me' 'extra slow back moving steps like no movements'

Can I ever forget such lurking few short seconds nicely woven with a planned story which was going to change my whole inner self for ever.

So return to the plot and feel her pace. She was not running but galloping like nothing more faster then her normal speed leaving me behind. Till that second I was recovering my senses and energy to thrust my self behind her. I delayed for a few seconds out of shock and astonishment. Such thing can ever happen to me was completely beyond my imagination so I was taking few seconds more then usual to recover myself from such human attack and defeat. But there was no time.

Skyflower had already left out of classroom jumping out from the right side window and I was already behind schedule by a few seconds. But better to perform rather then to regret I regain my consciousness and applied my all innerself, energy and strength and gathering a full force inside me I took a pace to be followed by many super paces and within a few seconds I also jumped out from the window.

But what happened next and what my defeated, fixed, numbed and shocked body did next running behind her . I feel time is very important to proceed and now the time come to jump ahead to the second part of this incident.

I was also not a boy totally passive in sports. Race was one of my favourite sports . In those days we had enormous opportunities to play and run on different forms like in games of 'Hide and Seek', 100mt, 200mt, 500mt races, Sack Race, One Leg Race and so on. And the casual races to catch our school bus or the races to arrive at school bus after the final bells of  school. So this was the time of my final exam how much better I could perform.

And the end of this incident will reveal you why my little fresh soul turned into peaces and a webnet of feelings and emotions started haunting me forever. Why I was not 'myself' at such a tender age. Why I. trapped into a new world of   innnerself and why I could not recover my self from such ever lingering incident. My reader freinds I wish you all lot of thanks to tolerate me and my few words and hope you will have a little more patience to complete the second part to get me and my skyflower  into the right spirit.

Part-2

My Lost Soul

So readers repeating a few lines where I started my short incident .....

......She was running at a lightening speed in front of me. Her little blue skirt was waving in the sky to make a clear view of her pure pink little body. The double stitched lining of her small silky white inners were looking like the frames of some intricate art. Knots of small polished shoe laces started unknotting. She was looking like a flying soft front side of a petal. Her speeding legs with uncovered wavy skirt were blooming like two fresh new bud trembling in the new world. She was just running oh sorry speeding fast fast more fast challenging me to chase her for nothing but a big naughty cause I have never ever came across at that tender age and till this age of gasping on my memories.

Let me recollect and have my own space to track down those foregone moments forced my soul lost forever. You all have to have some patience to synchronize all such intricate feelings of that tender age to derive the synopsis of my lost soul as It is a true incident which had changed my soul forever ....

I just gave a jerk to my body, tried to synthesize whole of my energy, seemed as I put my body unwillingly on my legs, trembled out of no options but of revenge, gazed deeply at her cruelly frightening red reversed eyes, terrorized little but shocked more, with my closed mind and blocked nerves of brain, without any planning of attack and without any aim and target of my lifting up I just lifted myself up on the floor get a side and with no seconds left try to seize her hand forcibly as a roaring lion attack on it's seen victim.

But alas ! to my pain and sorrow I couldn't. I failed terribly to catch her hand and it fastly slipped to her fingers. And as I tried vainly again within that 5 seconds my sky flower get 2 steps back with a lightening speed and waved her small palm on her eyes to make it's reversal correct get 2 steps further back and turned. It all happened so fast and in all such magical moments that I could not get the point and even could not catch the intention of my sky flower.

She turned suddenly and unexpectedly started running with short steps as the class room was not so large to hold up a race. She jumped on the desk to arrive at the class window and within a few seconds she was out of the class room. She jumped down outside of classroom and started running. She even didn't look back and never tried to judge whether anyone is after her or not. She just assumed that I will catch her and like a pre planned game she just started running.

It was again a provocative step on her part. I provoked on my 2 instant defeats first to let her allow to frighten me and next making me unable to catch her hand. And again one more defeat or say my failure to catch her and to hold her hand slipped so quickly and randomly as her mastery in protecting herself. All by a little girl I have never ever imagined in my little mind.

Let me describe the structure of the building to proceed with this racing part of the incident. A long ground floor school campus with very big spacious class rooms one by one. There were around four class rooms with one school office, a laboratory and a principal room at last . Adjacent to the class rooms there was an attached long  gallary from the first class rooms till the end of the principal room. Kids of classes l and ll both having 2 Sections were studying in those 2 class rooms. At the last of the class rooms there were 6 taps of water . So kids start running at recess from these class rooms coming into this Gallary. Many aggresive children always jump from the window and plan something drastic.

But it was out of my imaginations how it all happened to me and I will ever run to catch such a little innocent cute peace loving girl on her deeds of frightening me. And how it got possible that my sky flower could ever do it to me. It was her little mind's love or sisterly  affection or friendly retreat or a practice of mockery or a just an instant impulse to show that new gesture to someone most near to one's heart. What was it.

What it was ? Now there was no time to grudge over it but it was the time of action and to catch her. But why. Why I did really wanted to catch her. For what and why. What I could did to her at that moment. It was the moment foregone. And she was the winner of that moment. Then could I be get able to win now by catching her. And just catching. What next. ? What  I was going to do to make myself winner in this little episode of a few seconds. A big question ahead.

But that was the age when we drive ourselves not by mind or heart but by only one thing and that was 'instant impulse'. Out of that instant impulse I was trying to recover from those few seconds of preplanned drama and trying to win the game my sky flower started or I shall say thrown on me.

My school was the Army affiliated school with full proof security and highly defined discipline. And no one could do all such noice and disturbance to break the silence and peace of other classes where teachers were taking their periods. I was little lucky as that was the Game Period of almost 90 minutes and that also before recess. And fortunately I was having Library period of 90 minutes post recess.  What was the day. Now imagine what a long relax it was almost 210 minutes. I could plan every little bit of thing to make myself winner of that little episode.

But who cares for the next 200 minutes when I was getting an instant impulse to run after her, to catch her, to treat her as she treated me and to give her an instant .....what ? What I could did to her ? What was possible in those moments ? When I was even not able to catch her even a single finger how I thought to catch her whole ? But I was having an instant obsession and arrogance to catch her somehow. anyhow. But would it be possible.

I told you in beginning paragraphs that I always liked lot of sports and all kind of races. My speed couldn't be taken as less then of any prize winner student. And I thought in that moment that it is almost easy to catch her within few seconds. But Had I come across ever to compete with a thin, slim, smart little girl in any kind of race. How I would come to know that I had taken an impossible task to complete. In that moment only an impulse, a fire was ignited in my mind just to catch her first without any aim what I was going to do with her next.

So she was galloping through and I was running behind her. She was struggling  to get more fast and I was putting my all efforts to be faster then before. Her ponny tail on head was oscillating left and right at a speed of puzzle solving eyes and her school uniform started disturbing her body. But she was not aware of that or she did not wanted to be aware of that or that age was not giving her that sense of getting aware of that. She was galloping fast and faster just to be out of my approach as she was determined that she had never return to her class any more.

Her skirt top was getting loose as her sky blue belt was unknotting slowly and one corner of the belt started hanging on the skirt towards left waist. Her shirt was slightly getting out of the skirt from one side and fastly wrinkled stretching the other side to be getting out from the other side of the skirt. Her speed was accelerating unnoticed anything whereas my witty mind was noticing everything within those few seconds. She was in hurry of getting put of my limits whereas I am in hurry to teach her a lesson and in between us two she was getting trapped.

A few more seconds passed and her shirt was totally out of her skirt belt. Belt was opened and almost hanging on one side striking her upper legs. Her ponny tail started unknotting and her casual inorderly gesture was started radiating like the sun Ray's in the early morning . It was radiating because she was looking more beautiful then ever before in such inorderly casual gesture watering all over out of sweating.

Our school structure was like a long elaborated rectangle. East to west merely 70 ft wide but north to south it was around 700 ft long . Our class room was at the one end towards north. And the end point of the building towards it's length which was around 700 ft ending towards south. At the end towards south there were convenience room, toilets and arrangement of drinking water taps. So there was enough length to take a long run of around 700 ft say 200 mts. She was running towards south with no obstruction in between and getting free space to pace fast and accelerate.

Before this incident I always treated my self for 2 years that I run at a notable speed and always get my ranks between 1st to 3rd in my school sports held twice in last two years. I was so young to take it into my vision that I have done any remarkable job for my school nominated 'Green House' which has introduced my name for all kind of race. The basic reason was I was having little more height then usual rather then other class mates at that age. So I was taking additional advantage of my long legs and extra length.

But everything proved wrong then. My racing ability, my sportive will and my personality everything failed to prove that I am a real winner. And to my agony and despair my little cute sky flower was running hard giving an eternal challenge not to ever win and to forget ever what is the winning happiness and how one could win if your opponent is a sweat little girl like her at that age. Agony and despair as my sky flower was representing a girl and being a human male I never assumed to be defeated this way. A defeat psychologically,  emotionally, ideologically, literally and outwardly.

She was gasping hard taking hard breathes murmuring and whispering small sounds which was very sweet and slow but clear in my ears when I was just 1 ft behind her . Silence, a fearful silence all over there in the campus and two struggling, running, galloping human bodies one after other . The striking sounds and waves of every step mixed with our individual breathes was astounding and clear and echoing very slowly hinting us of our tiredness and to stop this just there.

But she was not ready to stop and I was not ready to stop following her. It was like a race for ever untill I catch her. And I was very near to hold her just a few seconds matter. I was trying my best and hard to be faster and faster and to jump and leap over her to hold her and catch her. She was gasping and getting totally disturbed. Her inorderly dress was getting more inorderly,  her belt fell down and skirt was started slipping down to make the shirt totally out of the upper belt.

She was looking disturbed then. Her skirt was almost open and slipped below waist and shirt was getting more wrinkled upside due to such erratic run. But she did not wanted to give up. And I was just a ft behind to catch her. And I was just getting able to touch her waist to hold. She slipped. I tried again . I got her shirt in my clutch and she tried to get out of my clutch and she got succeed but at some cost of broken buttons of her shirt and a forced jerk from behind seemed as I have pushed her forcibly on the wall of the water tank at the last corner where we have arrived till then.

And those broken buttons of her shirt was so forcibly done that the corner line of the buttons turned from many places. She was not wearing the slips inside and her pink body started peeping out of her small shirt from front. She got such a furious jerk from behind that she slipped tremendously towards the water tap and got stricken against the water tap. Her neck and upper front of forehead gotstriken against the water tank so forcibly that a huge roaring sound echoed all over. She got  laid flat on the watery surface near that water tank with multiple hits.

And the first ever tragedy happened to my life when my soul lost forever. She was hit and laid flat. Blood was started dropping out drop by drop from her forehead. Her shirt was torned from front. Her skirt was half open half slipped and half reversed to the waist. She got flat so bluntly that her small two legs get wide apart and a tearing sound started disturbing me to the shocking level of my wide open eyes and completely blocked nerves of my mind. Her inners was also torned and she was lying with two legs open wide apart in front of me ..with fully torned inners, her one hand was on her forehead and other hand was holding the tap. She was lying against the floor on her waist and her front body with torned clothes was in front of my naked eyes which I have never seen in my 8 years of small life as I was not having any little girl at my home and near about.

I was getting senseless with numbed ankle and feet, numbed wrists and shoulders, numbed mind and heart, numbed body and soul. I sensed in a second that everything get over and I have lost everything. My energy, my strength of winning her. My desire of  putting impetus in me to catch her. My ego.My games. My authority on my race. My innocence, My goodness, My blooming mind and sensitive heart. Everything I was losing fast in every passing second. I was standing still never ever imagined of any thing to be happened in this fashion. I was not frightened and terrorized for the next things going to happen in school by teachers, my class teacher and my principal. I was just shocked and standing with no senses like a non living being as a stone.

'Daga' 'Daga' ... ' Daga' ' Daga' please lift me up . She was gasping hard and calling me. Please help me hold me Daga. She was so kind in her painful sound. And I was not in a position to move even a little for a second on such a terrible incident. My luck however was always there with me. All my class mates were in the sports ground. Other two classes were busy. Principal was on visit of library perhaps as he usually visit on that particular weekday. A complete silence. Even no one came there to water tap to drink water. It was all silent. And in such a silence a fading  murmur and whisper was going in vain  due to my awkward situation and my mind which struggling with itself.

Again she tried hard to call me again 'Daga'.. 'Daga' ! please ! please ! help me and she joined her palm as begging me her safety. She further slipped totally flat on the watery drenched floor leaving her both hand to join them to pray to me to help her. What a rude and an idiot I was. I was looking at her but not reacting to her requests. I was just shocked and numbed what happened there. She again cried even louder : Daga please help, I am dying  please help. And then I returned to my senses . Oh my God what happened there. My sixth sense started working and I fastly proceeded.

Within a few seconds I was very near to her. I lifted her up after trying thrice as she was slipping down repetitively due to enormous pain in the bones. She took my hand and try to hold me from my waist as I tried to lift her up holding her waist. That was the first incident of my life lingered forever as I played a role of big brother to her. I lifted her up make her stand against the walls. Her elbow was not working due to shock of hits my be some injury inside which would be known later. I ran fast and took her belt dropped nearby as I told earlier. I hold her and moved her skirt upward with my gazing eyes looking  everything steadily but feeling nothing on such nakedness. I put her shirt  inside the skirt even with broken buttons try hard to remove wrinkles from my small palms pressing against her dress like ironing. I put the belt properly and tried to give her a look as before. I tried to comb her hairs from my fingers to move them behind . And doing all this through some energy and abundent adoring love for her given me by the God or some force of Nature. Even though I was treating myself as the culprit and treating herself as the victim but reversely she was treating me as her friend forever or as her big brother or as her mother for some time being. 

Suddenly other classes get over. A few students came over there and within a few seconds there was a rumour in whole of the floor that my sky flower got hit and injured. Teachers ran, students ran, peons ran and everyone started asking lot of questions in many different manner. But to my last shock my sky flower replied

...I slipped and fell down at the water tap.... Aditya helped me out. Don't worry,  I will be fine soon.

My soul lost forever. Everything was 'she'. Everywhere was 'she' . She was not only my sky flower she is now my 'Lost Soul'.

                                                 The End.

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