Ch. 6 - Learning more about each other.

* School bell rings *

I remember that time, I hastily exit school with a heavy heart. I was holding back my tears and trying to hold a fake smile to hide my gloomy face and teary eyes.

I was speed walking home with a blank expression on my face. I wanna let some tears out, its too much, what did I do wrong? Why I am so weak? Why can't I think logically? Why does my heart fail to learn a damn thing and keeps overpowering my brain?

I feel sadness and fear that day, but now when I think of it, I feel anger and regret for not doing whats right and reasonable. I grind my teeth and clenched my pist, I angrily put down the pen, making a slamming sound.

"Here you go..."

I hand Kazuo the paper with a smile on my face, I know his startled him, he knows what happened that day, he knows me well, I want to hide what im feeling or thinking. They have been always there to cheer me up, it doesn't work. I still feel ashamed and agonized by it. But I tend to try look like im okay and have move on, so they will know im doing okay now and their efforts weren't in vain.

"Sweet! I will make good and wise of this information, thanks man."

We fist bomb and I replied "No problem~"

We spend the rest of the day in the restaurant chatting, My father heads upstairs and later learned that there have been a car accident in one of the main roads heading to us, so people didn't get to reach our place.

He decided to close early for today since its already getting dark and no customers are coming. He told everyone to stay and have dinner there, they agreed. My father and I started cooking a huge portion of meals for us all. The rest helped in the kitchen and fix the tables.

We prepared some Yakiniku, Tonkatsu, Sukiyaki and Curry. My father doesn't hesitate to put so much effort on cooking alot of dishes, either for us or our friends.

Chinatsu : "Uwaahh~ thats alot of tasty foods."

Kazuo : "Aaaa~ The smell alone is making me so hungry~"

Haruna : "Akagi senpai, I didn't know you can cook Japanese cuisines."

Akagi : "I learn to cook Japanese cuisine way before I started cooking western cuisines."

Masao : "Okay, everyone dig in."

We ate and had some fun talk that day, they're all so energetic to eat my cooking, just looking at their faces as they enjoy my cooking, makes me happy and forget what I remembered earlier.

I love these moments, I wish it could last forever.

I got home and I got hungry again, so I decided to cook some fries and make myself a burger. I sat in the living room couch and eat while I watch western movies. When I was done eating, I just put my plate on the sink and go back to the living room to watch the movie.

I feel like im really getting lazier each day, im waiting for my body to be in mode to clean so I dont get bored and stop halfway through. I grab my phone and check on Airi, this time I took the initiative and greet her, im still curious and I wanna continue out conversation last time.

I ask what is she doing and if she's free to talk to, she replied...

"Im still playing rank right now, I can stop of you want."

"No, just continue I dont wanna disturb you, just chat me when your done."

I told her.

"Okay, okay, I will see you tonight~ tataa~"

I put down my phone and continue to watch, I waited for a couple of minutes and she message me to talk.

"Hey how are you doing? did you have fun?"

"Yes, darling I did. How about you?"

She really likes calling me in sweetnames, I might as well play along.

Akagi : "I just got home from work, love."

Airi : "Are you tired? I miss you~"

Akagi : "Not really, I rested before I play. I miss you too."

Airi : "So what you wanna talk about?"

Akagi : "If its okay with you, can we talk about more about you? I just wanna know you more."

Airi : "Thats okay, but ask me what you wanna know, cause I dont know where to start."

Akagi : "Well lets continue where we left off yesterday, you said your from Malaysia right? so your religion is Islam, right?"

Airi : "Yes, my whole family are muslims."

Akagi : "My family are Christians, I used to live with my grandmother, then I move with my aunt and her husband, now I live with my father but I moved out. Were still in the same city though."

Airi : "I see, well I currently living under the care of my mother's friend and her husband."

Akagi : "Wait, so they're not your relatives? Why? what happened?"

"If your okay with it, but if not then dont answer it."

Airi : "My father leave my mother when I was a little and my mom leave me when I was 8. I grew up with my grandfather then my mother's friend took care of me cause she feels pity."

Akagi : "Sorry for bringing it up, I hope your being well treated there."

Airi : "Its not your fault, and they I am being taken care well here, dont worry."

Akagi : "My mother leave me and my father when I was born, cause he's under financial debt and didn't want us to get caught in his burden. So he move to the country side. My mother took care of me untill I was 6, after that she run off with her boyfriend in Sendai. My grandparents took care of me in Shizuka since then."

Airi : "I see, so we both suffer the same way, who are you living with right now?"

Akagi : "After I left my aunts house due to personal reasons, my father came back to take care of me. He wanted to make things right so he searched for me when he finally got successful and learned of my mothers betrayal."

Airi : "Oh, so you have your father back then, lucky you."

Akagi : "Not really, everything is not the same at that point. I dont even know what am I doing and why I choose to continue."

Airi : "What do you mean? your chatting right now with me and you should appreciate the things you have now."

Akagi : "I mean it in a metaphorical way, and you have no idea what I've through and what I lost to get bits of the good things to happen."

At that point I was really struggling to hold back my angered emotions, I was clenching my fist and my eyes are sharply starring harshly in my phone. Getting reminded of the toxicating treatment and the backstabs I got from my traumatic past is truly pushing me to my limits and grinding my teeth while whispering curse words. I can't believe I let myself get treat like that up to that point, I regret not being violent and rebellious sooner.

As I snap back to what I was doing, still feeling anguish and pain. She send 3 new messages already.

"I dont know what you've been through, but please dont be sad. I know it can be hard sometimes, you just need a break and stop thinking. You should relax more, and whatever you bottling inside you, dont be scared to talk about it with me."

"You kinda help me feel better about what I feel, I talk to you to calm me down and I trust you will understand. But please be open to me as well, I wanted to help you."

I think no matter what I do wont solve my problems, I am so hung up on the grip of agony, pain and regret. I feel like if I haven't avenged myself I wouldn't be able to forgive myself, I dont know what to do. I kinda want to strike them back but I dont wanna be seen rude or evil.

"Sure, I guess I will try to do that."

I dont wanna say the truth as I know she'll also be wanting to help me, and I dont wanna drag her down in the abyss with me.

"Dont say you will try, just do it. Your making me worried darling."

I dont know what's up with her acting like my actually lover. She couldn't be serious, might as well play along like I usually do.

"Sure thing love, I will do what you say."

What a nuisance, well I guess I kinda chose this.

"Now dont be sad, smile. I dont have my parents too, so I kinda understand the emptiness in you."

"Thank you for listening. I'll be sure to return the favor someday."

"I was the one returning the favor to you, you help me alot now its my turn."

"Whenever you need me im here."

I wanna end this conversation and try to talk about something else.

"Your welcome dear~"

She said.

We talk for a bit more about our cultural differences before I log off and lay down in my bed. It was worthless to talk about it after all, no one can understand what i've been through and what I feel. Some think im overexagerating, but if you think of it properly, life is unfair and its a struggle to keep up. Our society these days focuses on your flaws and keeps complaining about you. Your expected to keep up a good work, provide a good service to the community, expect you to have perfect careers and always be open to everyone. But when your the one who needed helping they will just say man up and walk it off. They keep complaining and telling you to be better even its more than enough and they cant even do the f*cking same.

Its always better to be alone and not get caught in their stupid perspectives and beliefs. I shouldn't be afraid to be me, cause in the end nobody cares about you except yourself. So only worry about yourself.

I think of this everynight, even though im tired its a pain to fall asleep peacefully, I get out of them and release my anger by aggressively cleaning the house to get myself tired. If it doesn't work, I keep something to make myself relax. I wont get very detail with it or tell what it is.

For now....