Zulfa's Feelings

After Rani returned, Zulfa sat on the dining chair. Her gaze was blank staring at the side dishes and rice served on the dining table which had been abandoned just like that, no one wanted to taste or just touch it. The hunger in her stomach seemed to have evaporated with the tightness in her chest, she didn't even have the desire to taste it. Seriously, what kind of ordeal is this? But she knows, once again, that God never tests her servant beyond her limits.

What she does is always have to be patient, these are all keys to strengthening increasingly fragile feelings. Surrender? No, she wouldn't give up easily for something she hadn't even accomplished yet. A smooth and warm marriage was a dream she had always dreamed of.

She just needs to increase the sense of patience that thickens in her mentality to become a tough woman with a high level of patience. What woman doesn't feel pain like this? She felt like screaming angrily in front of Farel as a form of protest to the man who always looked at her uncaringly.

Even though Farel didn't like it, at least he understood how it felt to be hurt. There is no need to say sharp words that hurt when heard, and there is also no need to throw those sharp eyes.

If you don't like it... silence should be the best way. But Zulfa was treated like that. Is this just Farel's game so that she hates the man and he hopes that she will ask for a divorce? No, that will never happen.

Reluctantly, she returned to tidying the dining table while sighing long enough to eliminate and neutralize the tightness that still welled up in her heart. Fortunately, what she made was only a simple menu, so she didn't have to worry that it would go stale if she didn't eat all the side dishes. Even wanting to throw it away is redundant, there are still many people who need food out there. And she wasted food? She would be very sorry if she wasted food.

Therefore, she knew that Farel would repeatedly not touch the food he made and in the end, she chose to cook food that was not perishable and could be stored again.

Zulfa sighed once more to relieve the growing tightness. She carefully put the fried chicken pieces in the food box to put in the refrigerator, the last meal, she packed everything neatly.

She just wanted to know how Farel's facial expression was when he tasted the food she made. Has her husband never tried Indonesian cuisine? Then, what about the daily menu of the Brahmana family? She just didn't understand. If they want to eat the Indonesian menu, do they have to ask the waiter to cook?

If Farel refuses her homemade food tomorrow, she will donate it to the people who work by the roadside. Hey, this is not used food, untouched and still edible, right?

After all, count the portion of sustenance that her husband is never grateful for. Various kinds of side dishes have been cooked, but have not been touched at all and instead prefer to eat out which is not necessarily guaranteed to be clean. She couldn't understand Farel's way of thinking, who always judged things from the outside. No, the food isn't bad in terms of looks and form, but sometimes it's just the lack of embellishment on the presentation that makes the guy disinterested.

Almost every day Farel refuses to touch her cooking, saying that home-cooked food is not as good as the junk food that men usually buy when they are hungry. As soon as Farel ate home-cooked food, it also smelled of expensive food. Grilled ribs, some other processed meat, or pasta made with special spices.

Of course, a Zulfa wasn't an expert at cooking everything. She previously only came from a poor family who lived a very simple life, of course, she couldn't cook meat with interesting preparations. Eating chicken is only counted twice a month, that is, if her father gets overtime pay from his work. If not? Yes, you can imagine she only eats tofu and tempeh every day, not forgetting eggs and instant noodles that are never absent in his kitchen cupboard made of old wood.

She smiled bitterly, it's okay, she's fine with all this. After all, maybe this is indeed a test of being a wife against her husband. She would try harder to cultivate Farel's concern for her, at least a little.

Being like a shadow in your marriage certainly adds to the burden on her mind. She acted as an invisible ghost in the eyes of a Farel Putra Brahmana. Although there is, it is not considered.

Toughness still gripped tightly in her heart, creating a defensive wall that might make her stronger than before.

After finishing tidying the dining table with all the side dishes neatly arranged in the fridge, she started walking, wobbling towards the room. She didn't want to sleep with Farel all night, because she needed some alone time and felt this missing pain.

"Because a strong heart, has time alone to spill all the tightness and anxiety in the heart. There are no strong women in this world, they are only able to hide her sadness so perfectly that many people think she is someone who has never felt sadness. It's not like that though."

A strong woman will have her patience tested, and she will prove that she is strong. Yes, at least it's just a series of sentences to encourage anxiety in the heart. Who else will lift her spirits but herself? Hoping other people will make more new scars so that the 'spirit' can just pass or not last long and just disappear.

Zulfa grabbed the doorknob, entered a different bedroom with Farel, and closed the door again. She immediately took off the house slippers which were her footwear, then lay down on the king-size bed and buried her in a thick, pure white blanket. It was better like this than having to show her to the world in her sorrow. She didn't even want the inanimate objects in this room to witness how broken her heart was, but she couldn't do anything about it.

Under the blanket, her body was curled up. Suddenly, a clear, crystal-like liquid that she had been hiding for a long time now just came out without her noticing at all. She burst into tears and began to hug her knees in the blanket, feeling an excruciating tightness. It turns out, thinking positively about her marriage that already feels like this only makes her heart performance even more broken and cracked.

Every night her new hobby is just crying with thoughts starting to spread all over the place. She could not tell Farel's behavior to her friends, nor her family and Farel's family. All she hid with a determination that she tried to strengthen herself. Even if later revealed, it must be God's will. She would remain silent until fate took her part to speak.

She is just a weak hijab woman. She could only pray and try, but she could not force all destiny. All the happiness of her marriage is in the hands of Farel who until this moment dumped her.

There is nothing to be proud of a woman like her. Seeing Rani made Zulfa's heat shrink. She felt that she was nothing compared to that beautiful girl. Is this what makes Farel continue to be cold to her? Because... his girlfriend is more attractive than she looks?

Even Farel once said that he would not love a woman who looked like a cleric, it was very painful. It was as if the man was rejecting her sarcastically which instantly slapped her heart so he quickly realized the situation.

At the time of their wedding, Farel was very sweet to her. Greet everyone and smile happily, making everyone believe that their relationship will go very smoothly. But she knew it was just a mask of lies. Because her parents strongly forced the man to marry him, as well as Farel's parents, forced the man.

Zulfa can't deny her father's words, she just wants to be devoted and rewarded for all their hard work by deciding to marry Farel. She thought marriage was simple, but it turned out to be much more complicated than she thought.

At that time all she could think was, 'maybe this is the time for me to make my parents happy.'

And miraculously,

She made them happy this way, but her heart's feelings were at stake. Her happiness has been toyed with so far by a man who never thought she existed. What's worse than all this? Her husband continued to stare at her coldly and sharply.

Zulfa cried for the umpteenth time. Her cries were so heart-wrenching for those who could hear them. Unfortunately, she was alone in this room. Crying without a shoulder to lean on and a body to calm itself down.

The night is the most appropriate time to vent all the fatigue felt in life. The night is the perfect time to reveal all kinds of wounds. And the night is a very very appropriate time to cry.

No matter how devastated Zulfa is, for sure Farel will never care about her. She was tired, but she still believed in God who would repay her fatigue with something much better.

She didn't expect Farel's replacement, she just wanted to build a household with the harmony that might be created over time.

Unfortunately, maybe it's just wishful thinking. Forming a hope which means holding tightly to the stem of a rose, beautiful but the thorns can hurt anyone who is not careful.

Perhaps with hope, she could cultivate confidence if a 'happy marriage' really existed in this world. Because she wants to feel happy even a little. Yes, a little remember Farel who definitely refused her presence. Very sad.

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