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My Family Is Full of Broken Psychos! I'm One of Them

My family is full of A-Holes! Ridiculously powerful A-Holes who have views of the world so twisted that they could literally burn all of the known world to the ground. I am the strongest of them all, yet... I'm tired of it all. That’s why I left. Being stuck with those same people for years got really bland. I needed a breath of fresh air, away from the Narcissism, Hedonism, Sadism, Masochism, and general Gotham asylum vibes that each one of them exuded like some kind of messed up perfume. Six deranged family members hanging on your back all the time gets really annoying after a while. Especially when you are just as insane as they are. Unfortunately, after five long years of bliss, I am being pulled back in. Family Drama to the rescue. A threat that can't be punched away for very long has arrived at our doorstep and I'm forced to return to help solve it. Yippee... --- Free Chapters will also be available on Royal Road under the name Shade Arjuun. --- For those interested in discussing about this novel and several of my other works... Discord Link: https://discord.gg/fAjMB7eFDn

Shade_Arjuun · Fantasi
Peringkat tidak cukup
67 Chs

Transaction

Ratchet found the looks on the Ryduun siblings' faces absolutely comical. He chortled when Twist cried, "Fudgeballs!"

Of course, the matter at hand was quite literally one of the unfunniest topics of conversation there was, but then again, comedic value lay in the eyes of the beholder.

"What are you saying?" Twist leaned forward and hissed with a crumpled expression on his face. "You mean to tell us that the other Heathens have known about our Unlimited Forecast all this time?"

Ratchet gave the boy a sharp thumbs up.

"That's a star for you, short stack. Exactly that. The Speaker who visited you lot... Whatever you paid him to keep his mouth shut – if you even did – it wasn't enough. He blabbed it to everyone who could hear. Perhaps he intended to keep quiet at first, 'cause I didn't hear word of the Forecast spreading until a few months after you lot had split. Poor soul must have gotten cold feet. Speakers don't particularly enjoy being Speakers, you know? And I mean, the Unlimited Forecast doesn't exactly promise roses and rainbows. The scale of the consequences could be grand," he said.

Ess sighed and folded his arms while Bee balled her right hand into a fist. Of course, that hand happened to be clutching 'Elliot's' own, and he yelped in pain. No one cared.

"Well, this is interesting. Why didn't anyone attack us then? I'm sure the Heathens would rather gang up and kill us, ending the possibility of the Forecast's result coming true. Are you telling me that everyone opted to leave us be just because we decided to never meet each other again?" Ess asked.

Ratchet laughed in an old man sort of way.

"Well, yes and no. There were those who would have rather hunted you down and slaughtered the lot of you, but someone stuck up for your necks."

"Who?" Twist asked viciously and his siblings asked the same question with their glares.

"Your family is recognized as the second strongest assortment of Hired Heathens there is. You have renown. Who else could have demanded for everyone to show you a little more respect? The strongest assortment of Hired Heathens, of course!"

The three Ryduun siblings felt something churn within them.

The strongest family of Hired Heathens…

Even Ess felt a twang of annoyance.

Each of the Ryduun brats was cultivated using a special method, courtesy of the man they all knew as Father.

The entire reason the family existed was so that it could be the greatest killing force known to man.

Sadly, that goal had yet to be achieved. The Ryduun Family lagged behind one other. Even while feeling detached from his family, Ess still felt bitter about this, and he only came to realize just how powerful and sour that feeling was right now.

Their rivals had saved their necks!

"We owe those bastards our lives?" Ess asked indignantly.

"Pretty much. But of course, that good deed has become worthless. For some stupid fucking reason, you lot have decided to gather up the band again. Good thing news stations are a thing, eh? You can advertise your reunion for free! Practically everyone knows now," Ratchet said with a faint tone of irritation behind his beardy grin. He looked at Ess. "Everyone knew you left the Ryduun Family first, and a few others have been tracking just how your entire lot has been moving across Agavon and other countries, just in case. Your bunching up has already been confirmed. And this is after all the good faith I put in, reassuring everyone that you were making a noble sacrifice, staying apart."

Twist felt a stab of guilt.

It was him and Bee who had set out to find Ess after all, and made way for this whole thing.

Ratchet didn't miss their subtle displays of shame.

He went on to mock the two – who shrank – with his large ratchet poking and prodding them while barking things like, "Of course, it was you two!" and "I heard you were lurking near Ess. You fed him your nasty ideas, didn't you?"

"No, they didn't," Ess suddenly said. "This was my idea. They only wanted to warn me about our old man returning."

Ratchet frowned.

"What are you talking about?" he said.

Twist sniggered. The idea that Ratchet finally lost his confident, cheery aura eased him up, even if the reason for it was far from delightful.

"It's highly probable that our Father has reincarnated again despite our best efforts to make sure he would stay dead. Quite the nasty surprise, isn't it?" Ess said. He shared a little bit of Twist's joy in seeing Ratchet's face contort.

"You can't be serious," the beefcake protested.

"Wish I wasn't," Ess said.

He and the others had doubts, but for the most part, they believed that their Father had returned. Denying it any further would only give him an advantage.

"This… changes things," Ratchet said.

"Yes, it does. If Father is going to be coming for all of us, he'll be coming for you too. There's no way he wouldn't know that you were involved in his murder."

At Ess' words, Ratchet strangled the lower half of his face and hummed in what was most certainly a tone of deep shit.

Indeed, as the Ryduun Family handler, he had not only known about their scheme to get rid of the man of the house, he had helped.

"Now the fact that we are trying to gather everyone doesn't sound so stupid, does it?" Bee said, raising her chin high.

Ratchet didn't speak. Many thoughts swam through his mind. Dark thoughts.

Ess took the chance to spell out why he and the others were here to meet him.

"We need your help, Ratchet. We need to find the locations of the others. You said something about other Heathens already stalking some of us. You should be able to scrounge up some details, right?"

Ratchet remained dazed for a few more seconds, and then he nodded.

"Yeah. But stuff like this – information – is costly. It's not like I have it on me. I'll have to make a few calls, break a few bones, pay wads of cash, you know how it is," he said.

Twist furrowed his brows.

"You know, that's hurtful. I would have thought you had a little more loyalty left in you. I figured you'd know about all our locations yourself, just in case," the boy said.

"Ha! I'm a businessman at the end of the day – part-time butcher, part-time mechanic – not a bloody maidservant! Sticking up for you lot was a show of loyalty in itself, and you should be glad I didn't look up all your locations and sell the information to particularly ambitious parties!"

"And that's the extent of your loyalty? What stopped you from telling us everyone knew about the Forecast?" Bee asked sullenly.

"I moved on, dammit! Besides, what good would it have done to tell you that? I assumed there was no way THIS would ever happen!" Ratchet barked while gesturing towards the three siblings.

Everyone sighed.

A pretty waitress came and took their orders, but all of them – including 'Elliot', who was coerced – only chose drinks.

"Alright. You know how this works," Ratchet said, massaging the ratchet on the table. "How will you make my scavenging for the information you need worth my while? And you better have something enticing, 'cause I'm not giving any discounts for you lot."

Ess narrowed his eyes.

"That depends. How fast can you work? Can you get the locations of all our family members at once?" he asked.

"Probably not. They might be split; each his own way. Do you have any specific requests?"

"D-DEE!" all three Ryduun siblings chanted desperately.

Ess then coughed awkwardly.

"If you can find out where D-dee is first, that will be great. We're hoping we might find the others moving as one unit, but just in case…"

Ratchet nodded.

"I suppose this means I can state my own terms then?" he asked.

Ess nodded.

"Good then. There's a little something I want you to take care of for me in return. There's a bit of a situation here in Green Lolli, you see. It's almost quite as concerning as what you lot did to Red Biscuit. It's been all over the news, fighting for screen time with your exploits, getting tonnes of views," Ratchet said with a serious tone.

The group's order of drinks came and Ratchet took a great swig of his Kiwi BananaBerry Plumloogee.

"There's this pesky band of thieves. They call themselves Half Side. They are currently holed up in one of the most secure banks in the city, no doubt looking for something quite precious. I have a few guesses on what that could be, but that's beside the point. I have a vested interest in that bank. I need that lot… unalived."

"That's it?" Twist said after slurping his PeachTea Petite.

"That's it," Ratchet confirmed.

"Shouldn't be a problem then," Ess shrugged.

"It shouldn't, but beware. The leader of the band, Half, they call him… he could be trouble."

Ess raised a brow.

Ratchet immediately clarified.

"In terms of Threat Level, he should be somewhere between Level 1 and Level 2. However, he's a mutant; one with a Silver Spark."

Ess grimaced, as did Bee and Twist.

"I see."