Chapter 31– Wounds From the Past

 –Warning– This chapter contains sensitive content–

 "Hate is a strong drug. It'll make you stronger but also intoxicates you."

Mother…

Mother…

Mother, where are you?

Ayame grew up in a wealthy family. Most of it was thanks to her father's successful businesses. Due to her fortunate upbringing, most expected her to be spoiled rotten, but the truth was quite the opposite. Her father didn't allow that, and he made sure to constantly remind her how lucky she was. Tsk, lucky?

"Ayame, back straight when talking with guests!" 

"Ayame, you're doing it all wrong! You're not holding the cup right!"

"You pitiful child. Does a word that comes out of my mouth process through your retarded little brain? Smack! Smack!" 

NO AYAME! BAD AYAME! STUPID AYAME! AYAME YOU'RE WRONG! LOSE WEIGHT YOU PIG!

If that was considered Lucky…. then the word's meaning must have been a complete lie.

But what could she do to stop that? Did it really matter? It's not like her father even tried spending time with her outside his business meetings. Even when he wasn't busy, he would drink until he passed out on the floor or maybe, on occasion, go to underground strip clubs and hook up with prostitutes, completely neglecting any loyalty to his wife. 

Ayame would even feel relieved when those things did happen. Because it meant their house would be peaceful for the time being. A break from his abusive words and punishments.

It meant she could peacefully talk and play with the people she loved the most, Genkai and her mother. The only reason Ayame didn't take her own life when she was a child was because of them.

However, Ayame did think about killing herself more times than she could even count at that age. She even attempted when she was five. But the one who stopped her was her very own mother.

She didn't quite remember everything that happened that day. All that remained was her mother's gentle touch as she embraced her, pleading with soft whimpers she would never do that again.

Seeing her mother and brother cry was the only reason she swore never to attempt it again. But, If it wasn't for them to stop her, she wasn't sure if she would be alive... 

Even though she promised herself never to cause anymore worry for others in an attempt to end her own pain, those thoughts and impulses came rushing back to her sooner than she thought....

One cold winter, her family went on a vacation to the mountains, where they had another house. It was protected by state-of-the-art technology that would deter monsters, obviously not all of them. The trip was meant to bring her family closer.

She remembered almost thinking that her father changed his bad behaviors. But unbeknownst to her, the trip was just to solidify a business deal that was in the process. Just like every year they went on vacation, she was too young to understand. It worked out for the best because it meant her father wouldn't ruin the peaceful vacation she had in mind.

Or so she thought.

She groggily woke up, seeing her brother in tears. Sobs of mourning overshadowed his playful and cheerful expression. Was her father beating her brother again? That was her first thought when seeing him weep.

But a lingering doubt started spreading. He barely cried when getting punished. And when he did, he always tried his best to cover it with a smile, anxious that it might make Ayame worried about him.

I wonder what happened, she thought to herself. Ayame didn't like seeing her brother so unhappy. It made her sad. 

"Brother, what's wrong?" she asked. Her head slightly tilted, which made her long, blue hair slope to the side of her brow. 

"Ayame, you-" Her brother stopped, bile rose in his throat. "I-I went alone outside to explore. And I was dumb. I should have known it would be dangerous. A-And you tried to warn me not to go, but I still didn't listen," He stared at the ground. "I went too far from the house and into the forest. It was so cold…" His voice quivered, "and I got lost. So Mother and you tried to find me… A-and this big monster came to attack me. You were so brave and tried to fight it off, and Mother was awesome. You should have seen her. She was so strong," he smiled. 

"How come I don't remember anything…" Ayame scratched her head. Her brother turned pale. 

"Y-you were trying to help me, then you tripped and fell on something. And I rushed you back home so you can get lots of rest." 

"So how cool was Mom when she defeated that monster? Where is she now?" Ayame looked side to side but was greeted by nothing. Confused, she looked back at her brother. His eyes were dull and hollow as he choked out the words–

"She's dead…" 

Huh? That was a lame joke; why was her brother joking about stuff like that?

"Don't joke about th-" Ayame cut off as her brother broke down in tears. 

Ayames heart stopped, the room felt claustrophobic, her eyes started to blur, and she couldn't breathe right. 

What - 

No -

Mother - 

Dead? - 

If Ayame had a Knife beside her at that moment, she wouldn't have thought twice…

She wasn't so sure of the cause, but her abusive father started to change after that day, and it definitely wasn't for the better. Maybe he did, in fact, love his wife and was just a bit harsh all this time. No matter the reason, her father went clinically insane soon after… 

She didn't want to remember… She forced down those memories, but yet she couldn't escape them. They would always follow her until she died. Her throat was parched just thinking about it.

Ayame couldn't comprehend that anything could get worse after her mother's death, but sadly, god treated people unfairly. 

  A few years later 

"Dad, please stop drinking…" Ayame sobbed, pleading with him. He bashfully looked at her, swerving as he stood up with a burp. 

"If you're not gonna giv… BURP– my bear, I'll do it myself, you f*cking good-for-nothing child!" he aggressively shouted, kicking her to the side with his glossy dress shoes.

Ayame violently vomited from his kick as she sprawled out on the floor, barely conscious. She lost count how many times he assaulted her, but she didn't care anymore. All she wanted was to hug her mother. Ayame let a soft cry, her eyes clouding up from tears, and her breath came in short intervals.

"Shut up, you whiny bi*ch!" he growled at her, kicking her continuously with a wide grin.

"SPLAT!" Blood splatted on the floor, escaping her mouth. All she could do was helplessly close her eyes and pray that the pain would end. Her ears started ringing, and soon, she couldn't even feel or hear her Father anymore. It felt like she was floating in space.

Was this the feeling of dying? If it was, she wished to stay like this forever. 

Her surroundings remained utterly silent and peaceful, only feeling the warmth of her own soul to be comforted by as she drifted through space. She smiled in the endless white void.

Finally….

Peace… 

But her wishful thinking came to a halt. 

She started regaining consciousness and her body's sensation back. She frowned. Ayame had really thought she died. It was unfortunate that it wasn't the case. 

Before Ayame had the energy to open her eyes, she felt hands touching her. They were firmly grasping her bare skin… the large and brutal hands that abused her all these years.

I should have expected this from him. I should have killed him when he was asleep, she thought to herself. Ayame wasn't even in pain or surprised that her very own father was touching her naked skin while she lay unconscious. All she could do was coldly glare at him as he continued, regretting that she didn't kill him or herself sooner. 

Mother? Why…. why are people so evil? I just wanted to play with you and brother, so why? 

What did I do to deserve this? 

Ayame pleaded to her mother as a few tears dripped down her face. Horrid pain struck from below, and she didn't want to see the cause of it.

Why? 

...Why? 

....Why?

If only I was stronger. If only I could have protected Mom from getting killed. If only could have stopped Father from abusing my family. If...only...I was stronger.

"Click…" 

"Ayame?" 

Ayame didn't remember what happened after that. She just vagally recalled seeing Genkai unlock the door and stare in horror as he watched the horrid scene. According to the police report, her father sustained major injuries. It was almost fatal if they didn't rush him to the hospital when they did. And Genkai openly admitted without any remorse that he was the cause of it.

 After the authorities listened to their testimony and compiled different legal evidence, her father was charged with rape with a minor and domestic abuse, along with other counts of criminal charges. Then, shortly after the verdict, he was sentenced to life in prison. 

It wasn't an easy task either. The process took years of waiting while their father was on house arrest. Ayame would often have nightmares of him staring at her with gleaming eyes while she slept. Sleep didn't exist until he was found guilty. Even after the events, she didn't feel relieved or hopeful. 

Ayame became a shell of herself, not truly knowing her purpose in living anymore. She had no drive to wake up the next day, so she usually spent her time crying until she physically couldn't. 

Ayame wanted to end it all. She picked up kitchen Knives and stared at them for long hours, not knowing if she should. Every time Ayame attempted, it reluctantly ended in failure. 

She was scared; she was scared of dying, but it was just as scary to live as well. Even so, throughout everything, her brother always stood by her side, protecting and encouraging her. On the outside, she wanted someone to blame, so she often ridiculed him for being the cause of her mother's death.

In an attempt to relieve her pain, she piled her own misfortunes onto him. 

But Genkai didn't complain one bit.

He held them like heavy stones while walking with her, continuously having a smile. Deep down, she knew he was the only person in her life who protected and cherished her. Genkai, was Ayame's guardian angel…

Soon after her father was sentenced to prison, they were assigned a new parental guardian from the court. She didn't care at the time. No amount of kindness would change her or give her the will to live.

Unless her guardian had the power to wipe her memories clean, she would always look at life with dull and cold eyes.

That was until she met her grandfather…