Why?

Even though they won, even though they were back in Hong Kong, Shan felt terrible. He was laying in his bed not able to get up. He didn't feel hungry, happy, sad, he felt like nothing. He wanted to puke, to kill himself, to never appear in this world again. And he felt alone.

He was so alone.

He was shivering even though he was covered with his bedsheets, and it was hot outside. His eyes were watery and he wanted to cry every thirty seconds.

What made him like this? Depression... Why was he depressed? He had no idea. He just won an international Esports tournament, something not many achieve and something that certainly a team from Hong Kong never did before. Yet he felt like the greatest, or more like the worst, shit that had ever lived. When the thought of putting a blade on his hand appeared in his mind he immediately called his psychologist to schedule an emergency appointment. He never wanted to go back to that time of his life.