Chapter 045: Torturous Tutorial

I decided the safest reaction to have was to completely freeze up and not move so much as an inch in case the little monster's vision was based on movement. She did seem like a dragon which is a lizard just like dinosaurs were… Wait, wasn't it found out they were more like those "chickens" that those in the 21th century used to compare every meat to, are they not more like birds?

"Look at how cute you are ehehehe~." That childish voice echoed throughout the little hill top as she leaned forward to poke my nose like I was some kind of pet.

That obviously annoyed me greatly, nevertheless, my brilliant IQ made it clear that acting out would be against my goal of self-preservation. Yet (looking at that cute plump tail that was wiggling around under her massive coat) I could not help ponder the deeper questions around her. "Are you a lizard or a bird…"

"..."

"..."

I said that out loud… Didn't I?

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<< Answer to {query}.["I said that out loud… Didn't I?"] From {user}.[Armor-Cordis Mantis] >>

<< Affirmative.>>

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Well that is not ideal; looking toward the girl revealed her to tilt her head curiously as if interested that I asked the question rather than the contents of the question itself. Soon those lips of hers curled up even more than previous. Those beautifully hypnotic eyes slowly narrowing to foretell chaotic antics she was no doubt about to get into. "Ara~ most people just call me a lizard and be done with it so I think you may be the first person who actually cares hehe~"

That at least allowed me to somewhat calm down - I've lived long enough with my stunning skin tone to know how annoying assumptions can be.

"I am the strongest water dragon but I am not a lizard like most are; instead you can consider me an amphibian thanks to my glorious external gills~!" Her cute little hands rubbing her cheeks that had those branching golden patterns. Now that I think about it… They were very reminiscent of a certain private ship's artistic bodywork-cum-support.

"Ehehe~ you are just like a startled deer in the headlights of a car~!" That bell-like laughter caused me to completely lose my train of thought - all in favour of instead looking up toward the girl. Although I could certainly do without her constant teasing. "Although, is there a difference between an elk & deer?"

Now that… Was something I couldn't answer. I assumed it was a difference in size or something silly like that but, no, that was hardly interesting nor something I cared about. In all honesty I didn't exactly know what I wanted to do at present; nothing had gone the way I had expected and now I had even lost one of my eyes which certainly was not according to plan.

I didn't even know I could lose my eyes!

How did that even happen?

Why did it happen?

What should I do about it?

So many questions yet I had no answers with the only person able to feasibly answer was someone who… I wasn't certain that most of her growth didn't go to her breasts instead of brain. There was also no way I was going to actually mess around and find out - especially when she has such a terrifying title.

"Hm… Now what to do…" It seemed that the dragoness was also lost as she began to wander around me while tapping her chin with a contemplative look across her cute little face. I decided it was about time that I get off my amazingly soft butt, although I quickly found myself stumbling back down due to being taken by a bout of vertigo, surprisingly finding myself caught by a levitating stream of water.

Once again the girl came in front of me (literally skipping as it were) with those amazing mountains certainly leading her to be very… Attention grabbing. Looking at her hips revealed that one of those gourds had the cork popped out, letting it hang off the neck by a bit of cord, with the stream of water directly coming from the mouth. "Careful there~ losing that eye of yours no doubt has left you a bit groggy so a bit of *gasp*!"

Her sudden gasp caught me off guard but nowhere near as much as her flying towards me; wrapping her short limbs with those breasts proving themselves to most definitely be real. Feeling them engulf my form was nothing short of divine. The scent of the girl mixed perfectly with that softness to send me to heaven.

If I was going to die this would most definitely be the way I want to go.

Unfortunately the world was so pathetic and needed me to continue to exist. The hold the (apparently literal) goddess had on me sadly loosened - letting her fall away from smothering me in those wonderful pillows of hopes & dreams. Instead standing in front of me with her little knuckles resting across those wide hips of hers.

"The tutorial npcs of the city have all become indisposed thanks to that pirate attack!" Turning my head down to the city revealed that there was very little doubt that the girls words weren't true; pillars of smoke rising from the city while following the road out the city showed that there was actually an army. That does beg some questions as to whose army it was and why they were here.

Looking towards the ocean revealed a thick fog so it was impossible to tell but… I had a feeling that the nightmarish ship couldn't be too far away.

"Those humans down there are from the same noble in charge of the city and plan to retake the city but there is no way they'd succeed ehehehe~!" A confident smile was painted across her face which begged me to ask the obvious question. "Why are you so sure?"

That gave her pause as she suspiciously turned to look at the side while whistling… Or at least she attempted to whistle. "W-well you know, the owner of that ship is really strong, and gave a load of people who were previously lost or regretful new purpose in serving them. They seem like a real swell girl if you were to ask me!"

"You seem to know a lot about that 'girl'..." My brow unconsciously raised as my eye unconsciously drifted to the rather obvious japanese-caribbean pirate infusion. Especially clear with the already large tricorn hat atop her head.

She seemed to get a bit jumpy as her hand came to rest atop her hat while her eyes still refused to meet mine with those tendrils of water still helping me keep my balance. "W-well I just so happen to have been around the block quite a few times so you hear a thing or two about a pantheon or two. It's…" She paused for a second as her eyes darted around as if trying to find something - fortunately she soon lit up with realisation as she continued. "That purple eye girl likely did it; she's a demon as well as a bully!"

Pushing her chest out with all the force of a great typhoon.

I'm sure even a god needs to fear the force she can generate with those things… Anyway, the information she provided certainly was enlightening. I could feel my lost eye ache as my brow furrowed; making me gaze back towards the sea as if to try my luck in piercing through the veil to find my hidden target.

"So I can teach you and be your quest giving guide~!"

That sounds like a nightmare…

I didn't say that one out loud, did I?

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<< Answer to {query}.["I didn't say that one out loud, did I?"] From {user}.[Armor-Cordis Mantis] >>

<< Negative.>>

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So I did say it outloud?!

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<< Answer to {query}.["So I did say it outloud?!"] From {user}.[Armor-Cordis Mantis] >>

<< … Negative; You Did Not Say It Out Loud.>>

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Would it kill you to not be sassy?

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<< Answer to {query}.["Would it kill you to not be sassy?"] From {user}.[Armor-Cordis Mantis] >>

<< Affirmative..>>

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I don't know what to do with you…

"Now you may feel intimidated bu~t there is no one better to teach you since I am strong as well as beautiful and sexy!" Her head pointed as high as she could manage. No doubt helped by the fact her branch-like horns kept her hat firmly in place - snagging onto the front of that flamboyant tricorn.

I also couldn't really say much about the "sexy" part however she was definitely more "cute" than the beauty she claimed.

I also wasn't about to tell her that.

"You may think that you don't need my help on account of having that arrogant wolf in you… But that is foolish because you got beat up by a bunch of weakling mortals who were already getting bullied by those amazingly blessed mortals! If your mama was here she'd be racking you over the coals ehehehe~!" Her words made me freeze up as an image of my mama that I had only met in my first life slowly came to the forefront of my mind.

She was right…

Worst thing about it was how much she knew she was right. That cute little face with those large eyes filled with overbearing smugness which was impossible to get away from - worse still was the fact she wasn't done tearing me a new one. "Also what the hell have you been doing; wasting all your cultivation?"

"Eh? I've been savi-"

"Saving is what the wealthy do; not something your broke ass should be doing ehehehe~!" I can only hope that she eventually gets bored of bullying me as this was far from pleasant. "You have strength and the ability to gain more of it… But you flaunt what you haven't got then get mad when things obviously don't go your way after you put no effort into utilising your strength to the fullest!"

Why… Why won't she stop…

"I mean learning is good and all but don't you think the 30th doctorate was a little too much? Most of the information you gained was just overlapping at that point, honestly, there is so much more you could have been doing than playing around as a genius. Business? Okay - that makes sense - but why are you wasting so much energy on things you can just get other people to do? Also have you never heard of diminishing returns; you already long passed that with your firearms training." Clicking her tongue while shaking her head.

She did cross her arms under those funbags yet it was very hard to focus on them on account of the overwhelming guilt I was feeling due to her scolding. How does someone so small as well as energetic manage to generate such a threateningly motherly aura? "Now I think it's best if we review your system status so that I can fully help you in making use of it."

Adjusting the glasses on her face as if trying to appear studious.

"Which system?"

"..."

"..."

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<< Congratulations On New Achievement: [Accidental Self-Snitch] >>

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"Ara~ you really a spoilt little girl!" She said as if I wasn't feeling bad enough; although it's hard not to imagine me being spoiled with how amazingly adorable I naturally am. Thankfully she left it there, shaking her head with an exaggerated shrug, as a smirk of a troublemaker formed as she looked toward me. "Do you know what the most important thing in this world is?"

"Friendship?"

"Power~!" Saying so as she lifted one of her hands up to clench into a fist - at the same moment the water around me began to coil around me like a snake. Feeling it weave through my thighs & chest while branching off in ways a snake couldn't conceive as existing. "That is no different when it comes to starting a fight in this world. Whenever a fight starts those involved are dragged into a temporary space to not only protect the outside but help the incompetent {Mother System}, third to inherit the title of {Mother}, manage the overwhelming energy of the universe in the only way she knows how to solve her petty little problems… Split it up until it's no longer an issue she needs to focus on ehehehe~."

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Battle Encounter System (Fighting) Activated

Preparing Battlefield

Armor-Cordis Porshi Stratos Indigo: lvl 21 Ex

vs

True God With Lost Name: Lvl ∞ 404

True God With Lost Name Theme Song: Love the Subhuman Self

Prepare For 404

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Her words rang out as that very similar distorted feeling occurred; nevertheless I had absolutely zero confidence in winning the fight with the girl in front of me.

While before there was a slight alteration with the zone still obviously being located within a grand labyrinth of back alleys… Things got a lot more crazy this time. It was impossible to even consider it the same location as I found myself standing atop a wooden gangway above the calm waters below. Out from the waters occasionally jutted not rocks but instead trees of a grand variety - painting a beautiful picture of the disordered form of nature in its most chaotic. Some even enticed around one another.

In fact, looking at my feet more closely, I noticed that the very platform we were standing on was held up by small intertwined trees. Did that not mean that those plants were holding up their parents' corpses? A matter to think about at another time.

I had to admit… Her theme song was a banger although there was something about it that didn't seem quite as cute and cuddly as one may expect.

"Let's begin your tutorial ehehehe~!"

Scheisse.