Letter E

To: the.casgomezagmail.com

Subject: Letter E

You are probably wondering now, why did I even like you…

I don't know either. Kidding!

I like you because I felt the safest when I'm with you. I like you because I was the happiest when were together. I know nothing actually happened between us but you gave me tons of reason to fall for you over and over again.

Did you know that I spent a whole summer forgetting about you– which I successfully did by the way, but then with just a simple message from you, I felt everything within me falling harder the second time around. I could even hear my own heartbeat as my palm begins to sweat trying to compose a pretentiously unbothered message. When in fact, you were just simple asking me about our class.

That's most likely the reason I fell for you… I always read onto your actions. Maybe… Maybe I'm really at fault why I'm still here. Why I can't get over you.

Anyway, during that summer I was certain that the moment we get back to class, I could face you confidently, with no feelings involvement. But everything changes with that simple messages. How pathetic.

At the end of our high school years, I got over you. I finally got over you! Or was I just fooling myself? I don't know.

Maybe I just got contented watching you from afar. I got contented supporting you silently. I'm not even gonna deny this but I guess, Shaun, you remember Shaun right? He somehow helped me got over you. Because he gave me the attention I was hoping for you to give.

Nothing happened between us as well, and I think I already learned from my past experience. I didn't fell for Shaun's action even if he's such a gentleman and the kindest person ever. Unlike before I would probably assume things but I safely guarded myself not to feel the same pain I felt from you.

Do you remember our high school retreat? That was one rainy night, I was strolling with Shaun talking about you, just as I thought I could finally move on from you. During that night, I suppose I already come to terms that I'll always be linked to you no matter how much I try forgetting about you.

He told me that you were slowly changing, and that you were drifting away from your friends. You don't know how I badly want to talk to you that night just to check up on you. But then I realized that it was not my position to talk to you about such thing. I'm literally no one to you. Then, after that do you recall bumping into us. I almost read onto your reaction, but I chose to ignore it because I would only get hurt with those stupid assumptions.

Your eyes… Those look I can't even explain it because your eyes might look like your mad but your expression say otherwise. I didn't know how to approach you, it felt like you were not the same Cassius I know. You were smiling at us but there's a hint of– I don't know, I can't really explain it, if it was anger? Frustration? Or just like always I'm assuming things.

Then again, I was right. Something changed after that night. Before, you would time to time playfully tease me– that's the only thing I hold on to from before because that's the only time you look towards my way. However, nothing like that ever happened again after that encounter.

Senior High School came, just when I thought, for the nth time around that I could finally look directly into your eyes without my heart erratically beating, you did another thing that made me fall for you deeper… and harder.

That was our test day, I was still not completely well that time because I got sick before that day, so I was coughing while my head was spinning so I tried resting for a while. At that moment, we were seatmates since we were arranged alphabetically. I really appreciate how you cared for me that time. I appreciate you checking up on me from time to time. I appreciate you passing my paper for me instead of waking me up. I appreciate the most was when you gave me your bottled water and you even opened that for me. You don't know how much that warms my heart that I wanted to cry. I was that emotional that day. That's how much you affect me.

With that simple act of kindness I've come running your way again. Thinking back, I should have saved that bottled of water since that's the only thing I could remember you by.

Cassius, you don't know how soft and warm you are. You were the most genuine person I met as well as the funniest. Thank you for letting your guards down when you were with me. Thank you for letting me see your vulnerable side which made me love you more.

Maybe I do love you. I'm just too scared to admit it but maybe, I love you.

Love,

The girl who loves you