Chapter 10

'Hey, Am? Can you help me with the tie?' I ask my sister, obviously losing my temper in front of the mirror.

She comes out of her room, wearing a black simple dress with silk sleevs and a red transparent scarf on her shoulders. Her high heels sound loud on the floor.

'Don't you think you're a little too expressive?'

'I don't care, honestly.' She says with a bored tone, while helping me with the tie.

Us four, me, Amy and our parents, never were close to dad's extended family. We only agreed his sister, aunt Christine and her husband, uncle Martin. They couldn't have children, and so they took care of us as if we were their son and daughter. But their traditionality and rules even in playing hide and seek, and their lack of humour and thankfulness had brought my parents to the moment where they cut every relationship off. They said it was better that way.

Today, we both knew we have to meet all of them again at dad's funeral, so we agreed in behaving nicely and wearing only black. I guess Amy just couldn't give up her red accessory.

'You know they'll feel... disgraced and gossip behind your back.' I warn her again.

'Dad brought it to me from Paris. I hate it, but I just couldn't refuse it. Dad said he thought it would go great with my Barbie hair. Today is the last time I'll wear it, to honour him.'

There are times when I don't get this girl. She is almost never emotional, never feels sorry for anyone, never helps or appears weak. But when she does, she won't let you help her either, say a comforting word or offer your advices. She is the toughest person I have ever seen. I can't remember a younger Amy, how she behaved, how we played together. Anything, just this grumpy face that she has all the time.

'I rented a car for you too. Don't worry, you'll pay me later. I have to stop and grab some flowers, and I don't want anyone that hasn't seen us in a decade think you're my boyfriend.' She announces and gives me a pair of metal keys.

I even try to feel offended, but I'm too used to it.

We go down the stairs and get in our separate cars. I watch Amy putting on a pair of sunglasses and applying a blood red lipstick on her lips, while starring at herself in a pocket mirror. She's such a lady.

I take a look at myself too. Dark circles, pale cheeks, washed out eyes. I'm glad Sunshine won't be able to see me like this. I slowly drive to her neighborhood and feel surprised to see Winston waiting for me at the big gate. He opens it and shows me a place to park the car. But when I open the door, I notice the entire Wimble family in front of their house. As I get close, Mr. Wimble reaches out for my hand and shakes it hard.

'Please, accept our condolences.' He says with a grave voice.

Grace gives me a motherly hug, Dally and Devon both express their sadness with a hand shake and an encouraging smile. And then, there's Sunny, this beautiful redhead, that I don't know how I feel about, in a long summer black dress and white sandals, with butterflies decorations on her chest and her hair falling beautifully down her shoulders. I feel like I'm stealing a part of her beauty, her light, just by asking her to come with me.

I don't know what to say her. My knees are shaking and I almost cry, when Mrs. Wimble tells me do drive safe. I open the door for Sunshine and then wait a moment before getting in too, thinking of what should I talk to her. But I'm glad to hear her starting the conversation.

'How are you and your sister handling this?' She asks with a shy voice.

'We're not, we're just... blessed, I guess, with a big family that can do the job for us.'

I realise I made it sound like they're all a bunch of rich bastards that only gather around for funerals and important birthdays, and that only to make a fuss out of that event.

'Where is she?'

'She rented this car for me so that she could drive all alone.' I answer her, as we make our way out of the Wimble property.

I keep taking quick looks at her, trying to notice any note of disagreement and regret that could appear on her face, but she looks so peaceful.

'Sunshine, thank you for coming with me.'

She smiles facing the road and nods her head. The sun makes her freckles sparkle like little stars, as she opens the window. I remember her mentioning the wind, how she can feel it from her balcony. Now, her hair is glowing in the powerful afternoon light and the wind brings a tender refreshing note in the car, playing gently with Sunny's hair.

'I'm sorry, are you cold?'

'Oh, no. It's just fine this way. Mom used to do the same.' I answer her with a smile.

She somehow makes me remember about something I used to love, whenever I'm around her. First, mom's love for flowers and now her passion for the misterious art, as she liked to call it, also known as the wind.

'Was your sister as close to your mom as you were?'

Amy's hurting words sound fresh in my mind, but I decide not to ruin the light atmosphere and turn it into a depressive one.

'No, she was dad's girl. He stopped trying appreciating us properly after mom died, especially in his relationship with me. I was a total burden for him. It was like his entire mentality changed over night. He didn't start preffering Amy, but definetly respected her more than he ever respected me. As I found out last night, Amy was closer to dad and she is right now more hurt than I'll ever be. The meaner she'll get to me, the hurt it means she is.'

Sunshine sighs and lays her head on the cold glass of the window.

'I don't know what to say to you. I'm sure that when something like this happen, everything that comes out after seems dark.' She admits to me.

'I'm just... happy you're here.' I admit too, a little surprised by my words and guts, but realising that I'm not lying. And that Sunshine smiles like an angel.

I wonder what Amy will think about her. And I'm not sure either about the answer I'll give her when she'll ask me why on earth did I bring her. But what I know is that I won't let any unkind words hurt her. I felt that I had to ask her, at least. I do like her.

'Josh, he never fell again for anyone?'

'We never assumed he could. I wasn't sure anyone could fall for such a man.'

'But what if he did? What if all the pain that your mom's death caused him made him try to forget and search for the same affection somewhere else? Maybe that's why he neglected you both and...'

'Mom was his only love. You should've heard him talking about her. It can't be this. I'd rather adopt the idea of him wanting silence. He got rid of anything that could remember of her, even his own children. That's what I call cowardness.'

'Don't say that. See his side of the story. Have you never been in love? You think about that someone every second, because you know what amazing feelings only their presence can bring you. You wish to hang out and get to know each other better, and buy beautiful things and make compliments. Your father lived a beautiful love story with your mother, and nothing will change that. Your sister and father might've been the same. As you say you realise your sister's real pain the worse she treats you, the same way you could've realised and tried to understand his.'

There are so many thoughts filling and rushing my mind. Her sense of rationality in the matter of love shows me how mature she is, how evolved in understanding behaviours and how interested in making things right.

'I understand his pain, I did all these years. God knows what I would've done if I wouldn't. But he was the one who couldn't do the same. He was more trialed than me, lived longer and I expected him to help us get over, as any sane parent would do. Instead, he encouraged Amy to move out, and forced me to go live with her.'

'Forgive him. At least today, as you say goodbye forever. Let all that you have against dissapear along with the sun.'

In a matter of seconds, my entire life flashes before my eyes as a movie and for the first time, I truly realise the gravity and the weight of all the badness that was poured over me in the last few years. I wish to really let it go.

'I'll try.'