Chapter 3

I get home and put the keys in the bowl on the gray furniture in the hall, next to my shoes. I go to my room and change out of my uniform into sweatpants, a short-sleeved T-shirt, and a sweatshirt with a worn-out "Pepsi" logo.

I take the keys back from the bowl, put on my black running shoes, and walk to the elevator. Something in me is not right. Today I am anxious for something. I ignore the doors opening for me, I turn back down the stairs at top speed.

I push open the portal door, go out onto the busy street. Again, the sounds deafen me. I pull up the hood of my navy blue sweatshirt and run towards the woods. Soon, the streets begin to be emptier, the roads disappear. Before my eyes an unknown world opens up, but at the same time, reassuring.

I follow the path I walk every afternoon until my dirty and comfortable sneakers are covered in mud, again. I imagine my mother's face when she comes home, furious, her words will be lost between the walls of the hall and then she will let out a resigned sigh.

I stop my step at the top of the hill, I take a few moments to observe the view of the entire city, beyond the sun is already setting. I think it's time to go back, but something in me, that same feeling from before, makes me stay a while longer.

It seems like I'm expecting something, however, I don't know what. I drop my body on the grass, wet, like a gentle caress. My clothes will be dry when I get home, but for now I let them get damp with the dew. I remove the hood with one hand to fully enjoy the landscape that opens before my eyes, through the pines.

Strange, I think when I hear voices coming up the same road I walk every afternoon. A girl I have never seen appears, with straight brown blond hair tied in a ponytail. She wears Nike sportswear, her shoes are the same color as the sunset. Her eyes, dark green like summer leaves, widen at the sight of me.

I watch her as another boy appears on the scene, snorting.

- And ... I tell you ... I don't need to do ...- His breathing accelerates even more when he sees me, whispering the last words so that his sentence makes sense before my ears. - ...exercise...

I get up quickly, if they are here, the tranquility disappears like my father's tobacco packages.

I walk past Will and his friend as I pick up my pace, running up the slope of the hill knowing where every fallen log, every rock, every little mountain is. I almost jumped down that mountain for them. I appear, again, among the busy streets.

I slow down to dodge people, I don't want to be touched.

I open the door of the house with a heavy sigh, there is still no one. I take off my shoes and take them to the bathroom, with dedication I remove the mud before my mother arrives. Once clean and dry, I put them back on the shoe cabinet in the hall, close the door. I go back to the bathroom and undress, I'm sweaty.

After a quick ice cold shower, I put on my pajamas and sit at my desk to begin my homework. Just when I'm done, I hear the sound of the front door closing, the thunderous silence tells me that it's not my mother.

I go to bed, methodically remove the stuffed animals to put them, in order, on the dresser. I open the covers and glance at the clock, my mother must have a late shift at the hospital. I crawl into the sheets, roll them over my body, and turn off the bedside lamp.

I close my eyes abruptly, I still don't understand why that feeling doesn't go away.

I wake up to the beeps of the electronic clock, I put my hands to my ears, thunderous voices say good morning to me.

I run to the kitchen with tears coming out, I open the medicine cabinet under my mother's watchful and tired gaze.

- Sweetie? -She asks me, surprised that I woke up so fast. I take the pills pot, and open it carelessly while they continue screaming, tormenting me. - Ailey?

I drink a couple without water, cough a few times as my body slides to the ground. I had never forgotten to take them. I press the counter with one hand as I watch the floor fill with drops. I let my body breathe normally again and calmly stand up.

I look at my mother, she still looks at me sternly. She takes me by the shoulders, she sits me on the chair at the table and points to the food.

- Today you don't get up until you finish.

I let out a sigh, I am now calm, they are gone. But my mother still haunts me with a careful look, I glance at the scrambled eggs and bacon that take up much of the plate, along with some buttered toast. Next to it is a fruit bowl with oatmeal from the health food store downtown.

I pick up the spoon, push the plate away, and begin to eat the fruit from the bowl. When I'm done, I get up from the table heavily and go back to my room to get changed, today I will not have time to shower. Dressed, I make the bed, put all the stuffed animals in their places, taking my time to make sure they are all in their place.

Staring blankly, I go to the bathroom and try to comb my hair, but just like yesterday, I leave my useless daily task in frustration... my hair just doesn't want to be tidy. I open the cupboard, rummage until I find the toothpaste, open it and put some on the brush. I leave it, closed, on the sink. I go back to brushing my teeth. I put the toothpaste away, put the toothbrush in place, and go back to the room to get my backpack.

I walk out the front door with my shoes on, today I forgot my coat. In the elevator I meet Grace Lauren.

- Good morning, Ailey. - I look at her like always, she gives me a big smile hidden under a ton of red lipstick. - Honey, I understand.

A fleeting smile escapes my lips at her stunned gaze.

-I'll be damned...- She curses quietly still static in her place.

I run to the exit, hide in an alley, and breathe easy. I haven't smiled in years.

Whats happening to me?