The Boob Crusade! I

The three girls, dressed as very low-level adventurers, were about to leave the novice city together with the sunrise. They were heading towards a larger city, which was closer to the front line. Their wagon was parked within the city limits, right next to the gate, so they were not pressed for time.

Alex still thought Megumin's idea was crap. The Arch Wizard hoped that during the journey they would be attacked by bandits and they would get their supply for human experiments.

On one hand, it was quite likely, because carts with defenseless women were often attacked, but on the other hand, these attacks were so random that no one could predict when the next one would happen.

"Look! I took information from the Adventurers Guild about our road and you won't believe what I found!" Chris said excitedly, waving a piece of paper in front of her. She cleared her throat and began to read.

"All traveling adventurers should beware of the gang of former Guild members with black marks on their cards. If you encounter these individuals, please, report their location to the nearest branch of the Adventurers Guild. This is our chance! If we don't meet bandits, then we can always hunt the marked ones! No one will miss these criminals anyway."

Alex was a little confused.

"A black mark? Isn't that something about pirates? No?" She blinked and slapped her forehead, suddenly understanding what Chris was talking about. "Ah, this refers to Adventurers who have broken the law and all that."

"Yes," Megumin replied, "if an Adventurer is found guilty of violating the law, they are expelled from the Guild and a black mark appears on their card. Even after serving their sentence, they can only return to work under the close supervision of senior staff. Therefore, the Guild asks other Adventurers to notify them about the movement of the marked ones. Civilian security and all that." She ended up with a teasing hint in her voice.

"The more you know, I guess. But in this case, wouldn't hundreds of ordinary Adventurers flood the Guilds with reports on the movements of the marked ones?"

If this was indeed the case, then it was a terrible way of tracking violators. The sheer number of people would be a nightmare to handle.

"I understand why you might think that, but this rule applies only to those marked ones who refuse to cooperate with the Guild or have escaped their punishment. And there are only a few such people." Chris said, putting the sheet back in her bag. "And now, ladies, let's focus on carrying out our personal Crusade! Take everyone alive! No one will be saved from our experiments! Muwahahahaha!"

Chris' sinister laughter swept through the streets of the city, but no one could tell where it came from. Alex just sighed heavily and shook her head.

"Never thought that I'll willingly break the Geneva Convention…"

Chris thought that their outing would take a week at most. Three days spent on the way to Silverhill, one day to search for bandits and three days on the way back. As she said, the experiments will not take much time, especially given the peculiarities of Alex's physiology.

Alex was more realistic; she was sure that the search for volunteers would take much longer than one day. Something was scratching at the back of her mind, as if saying that she shouldn't be so ready to kill and basically torture people, but this quiet voice was suppressed and ignored.

The lonely caravan was more jumping than riding on the road, causing the three girls to bounce on the wooden seats. With them rode a wine merchant who looked more like a snake oil seller than an honest man, two of his guards were going on foot and the driver himself. That was all the protection the caravan had.

Alex was ready to admit that Chris thought everything through. A caravan with beautiful – if a little young – girls and bare minimum of protection looked like a good target for bandits. Given that the wine seller looked like a man willing to sell his own mother for the right price, their chance of meeting some bandits rose to incredible heights.

"Don't you think this trip is a little too optimistic?" Alex asked. During the first five minutes spent in the carriage, her body already adapted for a long journey. She was pleased that she would never feel her legs go numb after sitting in one place for a long time, but this didn't allow her friends to feel better.

Chris just waved her hand around, as if she was swatting away a stray fly. "Pffft, as if anyone can resist our charms! Just look, before you blink, the bandits will fall into our hands all by themselves!"

The wine seller, who was sitting next to the cabman, turned to them with a worried face. "What was that about bandits? Did you see someone?"

"Nah, just discussing how we're going to kick their butts!" Chris replied with a huge smile and a fist pump in the air, making the man breathe a sigh of relief. He tried to stealthily exchange glances with his guards, they nodded in response. Obviously, he failed.

'He definitely sold the caravan's route to bandits.' Alex thought, dropping her face into her palms. 'Now we just need a hero who will heroically come to our defense and heroically save the day to show what a selfless hero he is. Why do I even bother, trying to use logic here?'

In any case, if they were betrayed by the seller and the guards, they will have three more people to experiment on. Alex could only sigh heavily at their "good" fortune.

'Why can't anyone else get into such situations except me?' She thought in frustration.

Somewhere on earth, a Japanese teenager with the plainest face in the world sneezed, the action almost stopping his heart with unexpected stress on his body.

"I'd say you two need to get ready." Alex whispered, making her friends to turn to her. "I don't like the way our employer looks around, I bet he's already sold our asses to bandits."

Megumin and Chris simultaneously tilted their heads in confusion.

"I mean… we kinda know he did?" The thief said, "That was one of the reasons I chose this caravan. The guy looked so shady that I just couldn't pass by."

Megumin nodded wisely. "Umu! His eyes reflected his dirty soul! This increases our chances of encountering problems on the road tenfold!"

Alex could only stare at them in disbelief. How the two were still alive was a mystery.

"So, you just– you know what?" Alex stopped. "The next time you think our employer is about to betray us, tell me, okay?"

The girls nodded in response and their journey continued.

The first two days, their trip was pretty tame. They slept under the sky and ate food from the campfire. Unfortunately, Alex couldn't even take a bite, it seemed as if some cosmic force didn't want her to eat.

Every time it was time to eat, she was busy doing something, or her portion was spoiled. Once she was attacked by a rabid squirrel! It was absurd! And even if she tried to eat inside the wagon, her food seemed to run out of her hands!

The girls didn't talk much to the owner of the caravan and his guards, and they were quite content in their isolation. It was understandable. Who wants to get to know their future victims on a personal level? Unless some lunatic.

The girls had no idea when the bandits would attack them, but Alex was betting on the last half of their journey.

If she was in the place of the bandits and the wine seller, she would simply tie the three of them together during their sleep. It was only necessary to build a minimum of trust between the target so that they could fall asleep in your presence. All that was left to do was immobilize the targets and it was done!

Of course, this theoretical plan fell apart the moment Alex lost her need to sleep. Fortunately, neither the bandits nor their customer knew about it.

If anyone were to ask what was the hardest part of the two days, it was to contain Megumin's impulses…

~Flashback~

"LET ME BEING OF LIGHT! MY GREATEST DESTRUCTION MAGIC NEEDS FREEDOM!" Megumin screamed as she unsuccessfully tried to break free of Alex's stranglehold.

"No."

"TRAITOR! Heretic! No, wait, I am a Heretic, the one who rejected the Gods- it doesn't matter! How dare you interfere with my outrage?!" She pounded her small fists on her friend's back, but Alex didn't even flinch.

"What do you think will happen when those idiots see your magic? They definitely won't attack us! Where are we going to get guinea pigs from then?! No explosions!" Alex hissed back.

Megumin went limp in her friend's arms, tears welling up in her eyes. "No boom?"

"No, no boom."

A shadow fell across Megumin's face, a miniature storm cloud appeared above her head.

Seeing how depressed her friend had become, Alex sighed heavily and said something that she would regret many times in the future.

"If you can contain yourself now, I'll carry you every time when you ran out of mana. I'll even help you to progress your Explosion magic."

Megumin immediately perked up and looked at Alex with stars in her eyes.

"Deal!"

~End Flashback~

So, all they had to do was wait. And on the third day, it happened. A dozen thug-looking people surrounded their wagon and were ready to attack at any moment. Their leader, the biggest, most muscular, scarred-faced dork, stepped forward with a huge "charming" smile.

"Well, well, well! What do we have-"

"EXPLO-"

"Megumin, no!"