Ends and Beginnings

"Jasper," Katherine finally choked out when she found her voice, but by then he had already gone.

"You're going to be okay, Kit," she heard Charles say as he stroked his hand up and down her back. "Take as long as you need. There is no rush."

Katherine closed her eyes again and focused on her breathing as Charles held her tightly, which oddly enough made her feel secure. She had felt like the walls were closing in on her, but the embrace she was wrapped in made her feel comforted in the same way a weighted blanket would.

Once she was no longer gasping and her breathing returned to normal, Charles started to talk to her again. "I remember at my mom's funeral that I felt like I was going to die too. I was fine until I wasn't, and it felt like the weight of the world was going to crush me, like my body was caving in on itself. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see straight, and I couldn't control my body."

Katherine turned her head so that she could look up at him. His brown eyes met her green ones, and he brought one hand up to brush his fingers across her cheek before he continued, "Today is going to be one of the worst days of your life, but I'm not going to let you go through it alone. Tell me when you're ready and we will walk into the church together."

She did not say anything, but she let her head drop onto his chest, and she remained as dead weight on his lap as he continued to hold her.

When she finally felt like she had composed herself enough and could get enough air in her lungs, she cleared her throat and started to shift her body so that she could get off of his lap.

"Let's get this over with," Katherine said in a hoarse voice, and she tried to stand up but immediately started to fall when her legs gave out the second she put weight on them.

Charles leapt forward and caught her. "Woah there, Kit. You just used all your energy; you need to take a second to get some of it back." He helped her sit down and then reached into the minifridge that was in the limo with them, and he grabbed her a water bottle. "Drink this."

"Is there anything stronger in there?" she asked.

"I'm sure there is, but alcohol will make you feel worse right now, trust me."

She gulped the water down and stared at the black roof for a couple of minutes. "How long am I going to feel like this for? Does it go away?"

Charles did not answer right away, so she brought her eyes down and found his. He was looking at her with an understanding that was clear in his face. "It doesn't ever go away, but it gets easier. I think about my mom everyday."

Katherine nodded. She hated this. She hated that her dad was dead. She hated that her mom was still being held captive. She hated that she was the Queen. She hated that she had to go through today without Jasper by her side. She hated that she was engaged to the man next to her. She hated that she felt so alone.

This time when she went to stand, her legs held her up and did not betray her. Charles stood up and opened the limo door for them.

He looked back at her one more time to make sure she was ready, and she gave another nod. He exited first and held his hand out for her, to not only help her out, but to give her someone to hold onto if she needed it.

It was a bright day in Helios, and Katherine felt the warmth of the sun hit her skin when she stepped out of the limo.

She looked around and saw that besides her, Charles, and Jasper, there were just the drivers of her limo and the car Charles took, as well as four additional guards who had flanked them on motorcycles.

She let out a sigh in relief. She was so glad that she was able to convince Eric that the funeral should be private for her, and not broadcast and open to the public as royal funerals typically were.

The people in Helios still did not even know that their King had been murdered, which made it easier for Katherine to hold a private funeral without people with cameras and people who wished her harm to try to sneak around and catch a glimpse.

All of the guards had their heads down in respect as Katherine and Chalres walked past them, but Jasper watched them both like a hawk. His eyes traveled down to their intertwined hands, and Katherine immediately pulled her hand away from Charles while looking away from Jasper.

She felt her face flush and decided in that moment that she would not rely on Charles for any comfort. This was yet another thing she would do alone out of her love and respect for Jasper, as difficult as it would be for her.

"I want to go in by myself," she explained when Charles gave her a confused look after she took a few steps away from him.

He gave her a small smile, almost as if he knew that was not the truth. "I'll be in the back of the church if you decide you want someone with you."

"Thank you," she said as she tried to smile back.

She still felt guilty about Jasper seeing her hold Charles' hand, and then remembered how Charles had dismissed Jasper from the limo too, which made her guilt increase. She couldn't bring herself to look at him as she walked alone through the large doors.

The cathedral was one that had been built before Titanus had become a kingdom, and Katherine felt her breath hitch when she looked at the beautiful stained glass windows that were on every side.

She was upset over the fact that she had to be in such a remarkable place for such a horrible event.

As she walked up the aisle of the church, her eyes drifted to the front and center where her father's white coffin was elevated and adorned with lilies, the flower of Helios.

She stopped dead in her tracks and fought to swallow the ball that had formed in her throat. Tears started to cloud her eyes, and she blinked them away so that she could continue to walk up to the front.

When she reached the coffin, she placed a hand on the center of it. Knowing that he was killed in a massacre attack on the castle made her realize that that must have been why it was a closed casket.

She was grateful that she was not subject to see whatever was left of him. She wanted to remember him how he was, not what the rebels had turned him into in his last moments.

As she whispered her goodbyes, an older priest came forward holding a book of his faith. "Shall we pray for the King?" he asked her.

Unable to speak, she nodded, and the priest bowed his head down as he started to recite a prayer for the former King.

"He is at peace now, Your Majesty," the priest remarked to Katherine when he was done.

"I hope so," she said as she choked on a sob that she could no longer control.

"I pray that you find peace, as well."

"Thank you," she said as another tear rolled down her face.

The priest bowed his head down towards her in a goodbye, and walked towards a side door so that Katherine could have some final moments alone with her father.

"I'll miss you, dad. I hope I get to see you again one day," she said right before she turned to walk back down the aisle.

She knew that she should stay to watch as his coffin was lowered into the ground in the royal cemetery behind the cathedral, but she could not bear to watch him be buried. She hadn't been back to the cemetery since her grandfather's funeral when she was young, and she had no plans on returning until it was her turn to be placed under the dirt.

Although Charles, Jasper, and the four guards were all at the back of the cathedral in order to keep an eye on her and keep her safe, she could not bear to acknowledge any of them.

She felt as if she was falling apart, and needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

She walked past everyone and without waiting, went outside and back into the limo.

Once she was really alone for the first time all day, she placed her face in her hands and sobbed. She cried for her dad, she cried for her mom, and she cried for the time that was taken away from them to be a family together.