Ten

Chapter 10 Cherry

As Bert and I broke apart, my friend's easy-going grin triggered a matching one on my face. "What?" I asked.

"Sooo, Fern's a fire-cracker, ain't she?"

I chuckled but reminded myself I still needed to tread carefully. I gestured to the sofa, inviting Bert to sit down and using the moment to get a grip on my anxiety. I thanked my lucky stars that I'd taken the precaution to conceal Fern's shifter scent. I'd gone to a witch in Berlin's Mitte district, who'd given me medicine to block my daughter's scent to others with unnatural abilities. But I knew I mustn't reveal any nervousness before my friend about my daughter, or he'd get suspicious.

"She certainly keeps me on my toes," I started.

Bert's keen blue eyes took me in, and he didn't ask, but the silence filled with the unasked question about where Fern's father was. Knowing it was important for me to broach the subject first before my friend could ask whether she was Dylan's, I leaped into the topic.

"I met Fern's dad, a human, in my first year studying here… but… we didn't stay together, so… I had Fern by myself."

A shadow fell over his face. "Oh, Cherry. I can't believe you went through all that alone. If I'd only known, I'd have been over here in a flash."

"Thanks, Bert…" I reached out, patting his arm. "And I know you would." I sighed, guilt churning in my stomach for lying to my friend. Especially after the heartfelt reunion we'd just shared. But my deception was for Fern's sake I reminded myself. Ironically, I hadn't had to manage my breathing like this since I'd given birth to her. I was making sure I kept it calm, aware that any tell-tale symptoms, like a quickening heart rate or my pheromones altering, wouldn't reach Bert's overly keen shifter senses.

I shrugged, feeling like I was over the worst of this conversation. "I guess I felt as if I needed to prove to myself I could do it alone. I had to show myself that I could be everything Fern needed. I knew if I was serious about staying out here, raising her, and completing my degree, I had to be enough for both of us."

It was my friend's turn to launch himself at me, and I laughed, only just managing to gasp out, "You're breaking my ribs."

Bert let go but with a smile, warned, "Get used to it. You've got a backlog of seven years' worth." He breathed out a deep sigh and added, "So about coming back. Are you going to be okay?"

I shrugged. "S'pose I have to be, don't I?"

He nodded resignedly. "At least you'll get to hang out more with yours, truly."

I chuckled but took the opportunity that Bert's light-hearted reassurance gave me to ask. "Could you keep Fern our little secret?"

Bert's eyebrows shot up.

I explained hastily, "I just think everyone will be suspicious. Given she's six years old, I don't want questions asked about her paternity. I've worked too hard for her to have a normal life. I don't want her to have to go through tests if the pack orders me to prove her parentage."

Nerves climbed in me despite my careful breathing as I watched Bert consider my request, but my friend soon rewarded me with his reassuring smile. "Your secret's safe with me. You have worked hard to build your own life." He looked around the room. "This place, this home, it's incredible." I looked around fondly at the cream-colored walls, too, filled with photos of me and Fern and a few pictures of me at a couple of me at fashion shows. "I'm so proud of you, Cherry Berry."

A grin spread across my face as he used one of his nicknames which I hadn't heard since we were pups together.

As I realized how much I'd shared about my life over the last half hour and how little I'd found out about Bert's, I suggested, "Stay for dinner. I'm going to order take out, and I still need to hear all your gossip."

He settled back into the sofa, looking quietly pleased. "I'd love to."

I beamed before warning him. "Although you'll have to prepare yourself for the firecracker. Pizza and Bert, all in the same night, is gonna make her sky high."

He chuckled. "I can take it."

After thanking and sending our nanny, Lara, home, I shared tonight's dinner plans with Fern. As predicted, she soon joined Bert in the living room and was literally jumping for joy.

Once I'd placed an order over the phone for two dairy-free pizzas, Fern was back to exclaiming, "Omg, omg, omg!"

"I think we broke her," Bert joked in mock-alarm. "She's not making any sense. Do you know if there's a reboot button on this thing?" He mimed, trying to press the center of Fern's head, then her nose, and provoking another series of giggles from her.

Her excitement and my friend's humor were infectious, and I joked, "You should be honored she's using text speech. Most nights, she communicates in emojis." I did my best array of silly faces, and both Fern and Bert were in stitches.

"Too good, Cherry," Bert said.

When the pizza arrived, we all settled down on big cushions at the coffee table, swiping slices right out of the box and onto our plates. Bert and I indulged in a glass of wine while I treated Fern to a glass of soda.

The light-hearted atmosphere wrapped around us as cozily as the softly lit walls of my apartment, and I couldn't remember the last time we'd had such a wonderful evening.

Clearly, my daughter's thoughts traveled along a similar train of thought because she surprised me by asking, "Can you be my dad, Bert?"

I saw the mirth bubbling in my friend's eyes, but I focused my attention on Fern and explained, "Bert's my friend, Sweetie, but he can't be your dad. But he is going to visit us more often, aren't you, Bert?"

He smiled. "Wild dogs couldn't keep me away."

I rolled my eyes at his shifter joke but observed Fern's disappointment fall over her face.

Trying to distract her, I suggested, "Bert heard about your Star of the Week Certificate. Want to go get it for him?"

Fern nodded, her dark eyes hovering hopefully on Bert as she smiled and shot off to get her award. My heart lurched in my chest as I contemplated that longing look on my little girl's face.

I realized Bert was watching me closely.

"Sorry, it's tough on her," I said. "Sometimes, I wish she had more than me."

Bert's eyes were somber. "She does seem to really want a father figure. Have you…" He hesitated. "Are you seeing anyone?"

My stomach twisted uncertainly. I sighed. "I'm seeing someone, but it's still early days. I'm still not sure how I feel about him, to be honest." At the thought of Carl, I realized I should probably call him later, to let him know I'd be out of the city for a week. Especially given his declaration the other night.

Wanting to deflect the attention away from myself, I asked, "What about you? Anyone special?"

Bert chortled. "I lived with Amy for a couple of years."

"I always liked Amy," I said, picturing the feisty, dark-haired, athletic young woman from our pack.

Bert nodded. "Amy's great, but after two years, we realized we wanted different things. She's more of the city, ambitious sort." With a laugh, he acknowledged, "a bit like you, I guess. Whereas I just want a simple life in Lord Hills." He sighed. "After a few arguments about me not being ambitious enough, we parted ways."

I nodded. "The most important thing is to be true to yourself. The right wolf is out there for you; you'll find her." I wanted to say more. I wished we had more time to chat. I knew how hard it had been putting a year into trying in my relationship with Dylan, trying to mold myself into what I thought he wanted, only to come out the other side rejected by him. At least what Bert had said earlier was true. I would have more time to spend with my friend by visiting Lord Hills. With a tumult of surprise, I realized I was looking forward to that aspect, to spending quality time and chatting with my oldest friend.

Bert raised his glass and drank to that. Shortly after, Fern came in to show off her certificate. But when my daughter started to yawn, I knew it was past her bed time, and with some more hugs all round, Bert took his leave, saying he'd look forward to seeing me in Seattle in a couple of days.

As I tucked Fern in that night, I explained that I was going off on a business trip. Of course, she asked to come, but after explaining that it was a business trip and that there wouldn't be any pizza parties like tonight, she accepted that she had to stay here for school.

I texted Lara, arranging for our nanny to come stay for a week. As Lara confirmed her availability to stay, I felt the reality grip me. I was really doing this. Going online, I booked flights for tomorrow. My stomach somersaulted as I downloaded my boarding passes onto my phone. I was

going back to Seattle. I was going back to Lord Hills and the Starsmoon Pack.

Apprehension roiled through me as I finally finished packing a case, choosing my clothes with thoughts about the various evening engagements I might have to attend. With my carry-on case zipped up and my phone and laptop charging, I started on my cleansing routine as I got ready for bed. I thought about ringing Carl but decided against it. With his unexpected declaration the other night, I didn't feel as if I had room in my head for any more talk about our relationship. Not tonight, anyway. I'd call him from Seattle instead.

Turning out the light, trepidation roiled through me. My nerves took hold, and sleep eluded me.