THE FUTURE

I decided to confide the uncle and talk to him about my thoughts. I had to struggle with myself for a long time until I came to the decision to tell him what I felt deep inside. Where I felt safe and where I doubted the brotherhood and its members. Two things were decisive in my decision to talk about these things. First, I felt that my uncle was far superior to me anyway. He knew what was going on with me. Even after he had entrusted me with some of his secrets and taken me under his wing, he still knew methods that were unknown to me. So why should I try to pretend in front of him, when I clearly felt that he always saw through me? He was always one step ahead of me in a way. Second, he had gained my trust by opening the door to a world of perceptions that gave me tangible advantages over my fellow human beings. So why should I assume that he meant ill towards me? It was clear to me that he primarily represented his own interests, or those of the brotherhood. But he had always acted in such a way that I also enjoyed an advantage. Despite all criticism of individual methods, I could not deny this. So I approached him. I confided in him about my uncertainties. He reacted very calmly. He thanked me for the great trust I showed him. He was aware of it and would neither abuse this trust nor disappoint me. He was on my side. His fate and mine had been intertwined for a long, long time. After all, he had already been my servant in ancient Egypt.

My jaw dropped open. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. With a matter-of-factness, he spoke of things that would normally be grounds for psychiatric admission.

He spoke of a past life as if it were yesterday morning. And he spoke in a way that made it clear that I knew about that time. I sensed what had happened back then. But now this man showed me that one could remember clearly what came before this life. He spoke of ancient Egypt. That must have been the landscape in the desert that kept appearing in my visions. But the idea that he should have been my servant was incomprehensible to me. This man, who was so far ahead of me, should have been my servant. I had to gather myself. When I regained my composure, I asked if he had misspoken. No, no, he knew exactly what he was saying. And I knew it too. After all, in this life he was once again my servant. He taught me the secrets that I had always known. Or rather, he triggered the process of remembering them. Hadn't I noticed that I learned much faster than the other apprentices and journeymen? I no longer needed to acquire the old knowledge; I just needed to remember it. The others now had to do work that I had already completed many thousands of years ago.

But I shouldn't worry. The old images would arise within me on their own if I followed the old rituals again. He wanted to give me some more guidance now so that I could further enhance my superiority.

He noted that I had made great progress in my exercises, both in the first and second techniques necessary to fathom destiny. The second technique brought doubts in my heart to light. At this point in my development, I needed more clarity, more knowledge.

I could gain this knowledge by applying the second technique of seeing to specific points in the world.

These points were very special; they were places in creation with a different quality than other parts of the world.

I just needed to look at them as I had learned.

The secret with these special points was that one had to look for a very long time until one could truly see what the very special secret hidden behind these points was.

These points were like gates to unique insights.

Some of these points were outside, others within my body.

Only people with a lot of patience, endurance, and concentration could pass through these gates to insights.

One had to concentrate fully for about six hours.

But concentration did not mean tense stress; it simply meant not thinking about anything else, not even letting thoughts stray even slightly from the object of contemplation.

If the stream of thoughts shifted away from the object for even a fraction of a second, one would have to start all over again from scratch.

So if after five and a half hours of looking, you let yourself be distracted by something trivial in your "stream of thoughts"...

If I were to think a word, project an image, perceive a feeling, or feel my body, instead of fully focusing on the object of my concentration, then the over five hours would have been wasted. I would have to start over from the beginning until I succeeded in opening myself completely to that part of creation for a quarter of a day. Then a gateway to understanding the vast part of creation represented by that one point would open up to me. The uncle pointed out the important points to me.

For example, if I concentrated on the North Star, the fixed point in the sky, then within a second I would understand all the secrets of the stars and planets, galaxies and all worlds of this creation. The prerequisite was that I manage to focus intensely on this one point for six hours without anything else penetrating my being. No thinking about my experiences. I had to dedicate myself entirely to this gateway to knowledge with the persistence that lasts for a quarter of a day. Then the secrets of the world would be revealed to me. Other concentration points that supported me in my development were the Sun and Moon. The secret when looking at the Sun was to relax your gaze on it so that you do not see it. There is a specific position of the eyes that allows you to look at the Sun without going blind. Since the Sun moves across the sky, I had to sit relaxed and keep my gaze in such a way that the light from the Sun falls into my eyes without destroying their light with its dazzling power.

I recommend that even experienced seers only attempt this under the guidance of a true master. Let them show you that they can do it before risking your eyesight. I had to practice for a long time to master this technique. At first, my eyes started trembling after just a few minutes and the harsh beam of light pounded in my head. I had to stop the exercise with great pain.

Other points are my heartbeat, my navel, the highest point of my skull, thinking itself, feeling itself, goodwill, honesty. When my uncle told me about these points, I initially believed that everything was very simple and all I had to do was sit down. Day by day, work on one of these points and after a few weeks I would have unlocked all the secrets of the universe. It was, as I soon realized.

I had to realize how incredibly difficult it was to maintain focus over a period of six hours. What helped me was the fascination of the visions. However, at first I only managed to achieve about one second of truly undivided attention for my meditation object. After a short time, I increased the devotion to about ten seconds, then two minutes, and then made a big leap to just under half an hour. I found that between two minutes and about twenty minutes, there were no major changes in my state of consciousness. The same was true between half an hour and six hours. Nevertheless, I was able to quickly train my ability to concentrate so far that I uncovered some of the great mysteries. For other points of concentration, I needed countless attempts. This exercise gave me almost divine knowledge; but primarily it trained my endurance and patience. I lived as if in a trance and developed a very gentle attitude towards my fellow human beings.

This gentleness always came to an abrupt end when someone dared not to fully support me or my will. In my delusion of possessing the knowledge of a god, I did not tolerate it when an ignorant mortal corrected me, contradicted me, or worked against me. In the brotherhood, I claimed absolute leadership among the companions. Everyone had to submit to my will. I knew that there were only a few living people who had learned as much as I had. Since I knew more, I wanted to set the course and tone. In the brotherhood, I distinguished myself as a leader. In daily life, I kept a low profile and behaved inconspicuously.

Anyone who fell under suspicion of uncovering my disguise or betraying the existence of the brotherhood was doomed. Certain people who did not work for me were suspected of being unreliable. At that time, I had about a dozen men executed and half a dozen murdered by my own hand. Two of these unfortunate souls were cruelly tortured by me for several weeks. One died under torture without my intention. If it had been up to me, I would have continued indulging in sadism towards him even longer.

I had accumulated so much power and influence by now and brought out my tyrannical streak so prominently that hardly anyone dared not to speak in agreement with me anymore. We carried out carefully planned actions that brought the brotherhood a lot of money and influence.

Despite all the cruelty and tyranny that I exercised in my expanded sphere of influence, I never forgot to reward those who were on my side.I provided them with positions...high reputation and ensured that everyone had sufficient financial resources.

The uncle took me aside at a meeting of the apprentices and expressed his respect for me. I behaved masterfully and would soon be able to take over the leadership of our order. There was no one in the brotherhood who could match me. I should now prepare for the examination to be admitted to the rank of Master. I must take a comprehensive view of the future, present, and past. I should go to a quiet place, take plenty of time, and contemplate the times. It is not necessary to know all the details. It is sufficient if I find out how the very basic connections are. Then I should return. He will initiate me into the teachings of the Masters. When I am finally a Master, I should demonstrate my mastery before the Grand Lodge. With these words, he turned away from me, left the house, and turned back to me briefly in the doorway, saying that I should not waste any time. It would be best if I left immediately. Which is what I did. Without taking my coat, I went through the door that my uncle had opened for me. I took a taxi to the airport and traveled to a tropical island. Besides my credit card and what I was wearing, I had nothing else with me. And I didn't need anything else because I had come for meditation, found a quiet spot, and tried to fathom the course of time.

The surroundings were extremely pleasant. In the mild climate that surrounded me, I felt comfortable. There were no distractions that would scatter my undivided attention. My body should not hinder me in my task of knowledge by signaling any discomfort. The atmosphere on the island was relaxed. I knew that this would be the place where I would learn everything about the course of the world. That my insights eventually turned out differently than expected should not diminish the importance of my inner contemplation. I only had light meals, dressed loosely according to the weather, and went to places that I liked, found a shady spot, and entered into meditation. After positioning my body comfortably, I did not move until my organism had calmed down. This calmness of the body occurred after about five to fifteen minutes. Then I let my thoughts slowly fade away.

I suppressed no thoughts, but also did not call forth any reflections. Gradually, my rough mental activity decreased and I discovered a deeper layer of quieter thoughts beneath the loud ones. I let them rest by not paying them any further attention. Each layer of thoughts was underlaid by an even finer structure of thinking. Finally, I discovered a kind of thought that consisted only of vague and blurry images. Beneath this kind of thought were feelings hidden. Behind them were contents that I had learned throughout my life. Prejudices that I had internalized. And even deeper were the elementary mechanisms of survival located. I kept falling further into myself and experienced states of indescribable intensity. Some days it was easier for me to let go of my thinking habits than others. Only when I truly relaxed and let my perception run freely, simply observed what was happening anyway, did I reach the deep layers of my being. Only when I was willing to observe without intervening and trying to control my experience could I get to know the truly exciting sides of my soul.

Deep within me lay the memories of myself and my past and my pasts. I looked at my development in the long history of my existence and understood the connection between my fate and my characteristics. I realized that my conscious experience consisted of a series of events that happened one after the other. Which event happened after the one currently taking place was not predetermined by fate. Nature left everything open.

I even had the impression that every moment in life was a fork in the road. I could go right or take the path to the left. In fact, there were not just two possibilities but an infinitely large number. All imaginable and unimaginable fates existed simultaneously. I decided which fate to let penetrate into my consciousness.

However, my freedom to make decisions in this process of finding a path was very limited due to my character. I preferred to take the path that suited me best.

So, to a significant extent, it was determined by my nature which fate I chose for my life.

This did not necessarily happen intentionally or consciously, but it happened.

The fact that these mechanisms ran unconsciously was because at an earlier point in time, I had taken certain paths in my life that had brought me to this point.

I constantly changed my nature; however, at some point in the past, I had adopted certain traits that now allowed me to continue living according to a certain pattern.

Also, in the past existence of mine there were appearances, thoughts...

Called to life, those who crossed my path again today. I realized that I was fully responsible for my own destiny. However, I was not free to choose my destiny because I had voluntarily given up this freedom much earlier. When I still had the free choice, I took a path where I never reached a crossroads that would allow me the possibility of freedom again.

Additionally, I was influenced by beings who were stronger, such as the uncle. They could impose their reality on me. There were people who could tempt me to accept a certain reality, both on a superficial level and in an esoteric sense. During my practice of observation, I had already realized that there was no fixed reality. I created my reality based on what I had experienced before. When I saw a person who was truly free and had no specific form, I couldn't handle this uncertainty. In the moment when I realized that my counterpart was not fixed, I tried to create security for myself by remembering how I perceived this person the last time I saw them. Then, I projected my memory onto what I saw and thus gained a firm foothold in the world. I gave order to my world. This happened in every fraction of a second. And because my system of order corresponded to what my character was, which I had chosen for myself, my life followed a predetermined path. Almost all people were subject to this mechanism. They aligned their self-created realities with each other and developed similar perceptions in this way.

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This even went so far that I was able to transfer my fantasies onto another person. They perceived what I had fabricated in my consciousness. We constantly created our own world without realizing it.

However, it was most fascinating to discover the effect on those who freed themselves from this compulsive production of realities - those who dared to see what was actually there, even if it drove their minds to the brink of madness and beyond.

When these people trusted that one can cross the border into madness in both directions, these few brave souls were able to significantly influence the reality, perception and experience of their fellow human beings.

This happened to me when the brotherhood brothers made prophecies about a day of my life. They knew my character and knew which paths I would likely take at life's crossroads.

Then they only needed to suggest certain things to me, which as a weak being, willingly accepted them into myself

My reality took over. I was predictable and controllable, just like the vast majority of all people. I recognized the mechanism of fate. I saw that the course of the world depended on my perception of it. Life was a manifestation of what was first in my character and then in my consciousness. I used to believe that my consciousness depended on an actual world. That there was a reality that was unchangeable, which I experienced through my senses. Now I saw that I had an experience in my consciousness and concluded that the world was as it appeared in my experience. The whole world and all fellow human beings were part of the movie playing out in my experience, even I was a part of it. Life seemed like a dream to me. A very intense dream that I dreamed. It solely depended on me what I dreamed. Most people dreamed that they were awake. And I dreamed the people. I no longer knew if I too was just a part of someone else's consciousness dreamt up by them.

This expansion of consciousness could best be compared to the state one experiences when dreaming and realizing they are dreaming. Now I knew that I was dreaming, but did not know what it was like to be awake. Whether there was a state of non-dreaming that still had consciousness, meaning life, within it. And whether or not I could even wake up.

The realization that my fate was a variable quantity ultimately determined by me was very, very uncomfortable. I determined the variable even when someone else forced their reality upon me because this other person was also just a part of my self-created reality, much like a child one conceives who once was a part of oneself but now leads an independent life and suddenly turns against you.

There were many patricides in this sense.

With the knowledge gained under palm trees in earthly paradise, I could no longer live as before.

Now there lay a tremendous responsibility on me for my existence.

Everything I did, thought or felt could come back to me at a later time, perhaps just when I least needed it.

As long as I did not know if it were possible to awaken from the dream of existence, I had to be very careful with what I dreamed.

Today, however, I know that responsibility is taken off me as long as there is a being greater and stronger than myself because this being can influence my reality, giving me a chance for salvation from the hell of knowledge...

I looked at the past reality of the world. The world that unfolded in my consciousness. This one path among many.

This one world among the multitude of possibilities. I saw an infinite number of existing worlds and realities that were living in that moment, which I and the people of my reality did not allow into our consciousness. And so I also saw a multitude of futures and sensed the path that my consciousness would take. I saw the possibilities of how my world could develop laid out before me like a map. An extremely complex structure. I saw myself at the point where, after a long time, I consciously and intentionally decided on a path once again. At this point, I also decided whether I should retain the knowledge in my mind. The path I took was one where I could choose whether what I had experienced here should remain present in my perception or not.

In a later reflection on these insights, it became clear to me that I was far from being strong and wise enough to handle wisely the freedom gained through knowing these connections. In fact, I was far from being able to judge which path I took would lead me to good, that is, to an ecstatic enjoyment of my existence. To this day, I am largely imprisoned in great egoism and petty selfishness. I am a small-minded person who has been given great things to handle. Similar to a small child placed in control of nuclear powers' control room and allowed to press the red buttons at will, which can destroy countries, continents, the world, and the child itself.

I ended my meditation retreat after a few weeks and returned to discuss with my uncle. He was very pleased with my progress and reminded me to keep the knowledge of realities within me alive. Only then could I pass the test for mastery. I had to know that everything I perceived was only products of my own mind. If I kept that in mind at all times, I could prove myself worthy of holding the rank of a master in the order. This knowledge would be tested upon admission to the rank of masters. He was very confident that I would pass the test. I should now spend time on trivialities and not try to further expand my influence on the other apprentices.

So I indulged in frivolous pleasures. I played in various casinos, testing my clairvoyant abilities. I squandered the money I won in the most expensive and also in the cheapest brothels. I tried out all kinds of perverse sexual practices. I got drunk, smoked hashish, and snorted cocaine at wild orgies with friends I had met recently. Hypocrites from public life also attended these extravagant parties, who presented themselves as conservative and prudish outwardly.

Many businessmen and business bosses suffered greatly from the formal atmosphere of their everyday lives. They struggled with not being able to say anything that was not well thought out. Half of their day was spent trying to eliminate competitors who were eager for their position and salary. When these people felt unobserved, they went way overboard. The same applied to many politicians, who had an even harder time because a discovery of their indulgence would have meant the end of their career. These people, whose strong character made them who they were, had to give up so much after their tough battles on the way to the top, things they had originally taken the arduous path for. They had to put aside their own enjoyment of life because public opinion or their rivals would frown upon them if they indulged excessively. Because public opinion did not know how liberating and empowering indulgence could be. Perhaps the electorate was just jealous. If it hadn't been frowned upon to enjoy, then no one would have been blackmailable if they indulged in worldly pleasures here and there. But then associations like the Lodge could never have such influence on economy and politics. Even a knowledgeable order like ours could not rely solely on esoteric influences. Concrete machinations were also necessary in order to exert power.

I waited until it was time for my exam. I visited my uncle regularly and asked when I could take the exam. But I always got the answer that the other masters who were supposed to witness the exam were not ready yet. I had to be patient, but be prepared. Because if I was asked to take the exam, I could not avoid or refuse. A master is distinguished by being ready at any time to prove his mastery. If I was already a master now, then so be it. The exam would not change that. It was just an official act that should give me more influence within the order. The exam would not change much about my state of consciousness. That was a clear deception. This exam that I was supposed to go through changed a lot for me. It should become one of the most intense and lasting experiences I have ever had in my whole life.

But later on, I was very grateful to my uncle for not telling me how the exam would go and what great danger I would be exposed to. Although I had anticipated the future, consciously chosen the path I wanted to take, at that time...

I had not been able to recognize or determine the details. So I lived calmly, waiting for the day when I would have to prove my mastery. That day came suddenly. I had already given up hope. Every day I asked my uncle when it would be time. And every day my uncle sent me away again. Until I asked out of habit rather than genuine interest. He had sent me away so many times and told me to be patient.

The day it finally arrived was an uncomfortable rainy day, and to make matters worse, I had a very excessive breakfast. I was still tired because the night before I had consumed large amounts of alcohol and spent the night with one of the prettiest pleasure girls around. This little prostitute was so dedicated to her work that you wouldn't believe she did it for money. Rather, I had the impression that she did it primarily for pure pleasure and only accepted payment for practical reasons. Accordingly, the fun and enjoyment she provided us were exceptional. And accordingly, tired and drained, I felt the next day.

I had systematically weakened myself through the party life of recent times. I had criminally neglected my concentration exercises and found myself in a softened, desolate state when inquired about the test in late afternoon.

My uncle said that if I were a master, then in this state of exhaustion and intoxication, I should prove it. All masters who were supposed to witness the outcome of the test were present and ready. Now was the time. I could not refuse because once I requested the test, I could not determine the timing myself.

I became fearful and anxious. It became serious and at that moment, I felt neither strong nor prepared. Suddenly it dawned on me how reckless it had been to repeatedly ask about the test in a kind of senseless ritual. Reckless because there was no second chance for the test. I had to pass it now or life in the brotherhood would have ended. And leaving the lodge was only possible through physical death.

All journeymen had been warned countless times to only request the test if they felt infallibly within themselves that they had reached the same level of consciousness as the masters they knew.

I had carelessly not listened to my inner voice but followed my uncle's advice to apply for mastery. My life now depended on his assessment of my abilities being correct. I felt nauseous...