Chapter 21

Danuja returned home with a heavy heart and mind.

What would be the difference between a friend and little more than a friend? How big would that difference be? Was she really sick or just a fool? Was she gay? Or rather lesbian?  Or was she just seeking that warmness and now that she tasted just a drop of it she wanted more?

Dad, who just  shoved his way in her bed that night interrupted her thoughts, making her huff amused.

'' I'm having a crisis Dad. Never though I would get one.'' she said absently petting him looking at her with big, yellow eyes  '' Someone said they wanted to be my friend or a type of friend today. That's a first in years you know. Maybe that's why I felt that weird, like I couldn't breath but wanted too much at the same time. ''

In response to her words, Dad cuddled closer to her before shoving his nose in her neck, grumbling.

'' Would it be that bad though? To go along with this 'friendship'?''  Danuja said in the empty room, humming to herself  '' Well, at the end I can always stop.''

She said lying to herself.

---

When she showed up the next day at school, things weren't that different. The student body was still the same as always, the same with the teachers. The only difference was that now, in classes, Kana was catching her eye and smiled.

A small, almost unnoticeable thing. But it was a smile and it was just Danuja's. It also come as a package with the warmness that spread on Danuja face making her look, in her teachers words,  'quite sick today'.

So it did not come as a surprise that when she arrived at the rooftop, Kana was standing on the ground curled with eyes closed and a small, first aid kit beside her. The silver head smiled upon seeing her before shifting awkwardly in her place.

'' Stand up.''  Danuja said looking down at her, a bead of sweat on her nape.  She really hoped that she didn't sound angry or more unpleasant than she already is.

Without words, Kana get up, wiping her knees slightly before giving Danuja a much smaller smile, looking down. Without revealing anything Danuja shrugged her jacket off before throwing the battering thing down making sign for Kana to seat.

'' It's not good for you to seat on cold concrete.''  she said before taking a seat on the exact same surface, enjoying the coldness. 

Great  Danuja though  now I look like a hypocrite 

'' That's a myth, you know.''  Kana said quietly, smiling softly at her before with red cheecks, took a seat on the cloth spread on the ground  '' Thank you though.''  she said making Danuja grunt in affirmation 

While Kana was getting her first aid things out, Danuja was cursing the wind. Said wind was nothing more than a light breeze but it was enough for Kana scent to overpower her nose. It was the same rich and syrupy scent of vanilla added with just the slightest hint of coconut from her clothes that made her feel like she could burn up at any second.

'' Have you always gotten into fights?'' Kana asked curious cleaning the cut on her forehead with a disinfectant stick before putting on a new band aid

'' Yes. ''  Danuja said speaking the true not even wincing when Kana grip faltered and pressed harder on the bruise on her jaw. It was a dark purple ugly spot.

'' Doesn't it hurt though? Fighting like this.''  Kana said putting the bruising cream around her eye, the shade being yellow instead of the dark purple from before

Danuja huffed, amused by this. Because of course it hurts. It hurts to be hit and sometimes to give hits in return, it hurt even more before she found Mr. Touma. It was a type of physical pain that Danuja didn't even know how did would she survive if Dad wouldn't have been there to save her ass. 

Every. Single. Time. 

But she wasn't dumb  enough to not realize that it also hurt her mentally. That something, somewhere in her wasn't right. From how she could fall asleep on spot and go days without a proper meal. From how she was talking with Dad like he would answer her one day. With words.

From how she didn't know how to smile properly.

'' Even if it hurts, it doesn't mean I can't fight it back. ''  Danuja said, her back tensing when Kana fingers begin to tremble on her face before retreating  '' Or keep it on hold whoever long it needs to.''

In response Kana smiled at her again before inspecting her face one more time, gathering her things, her fingers still shacking.

'' Do I scare you?'' Danuja asked making Kana freeze, blinking startled at her.

Then it was like time stopped at the next sound. A clear, warm, carefree sound. The type of laugh that makes one lean in and walk closer. That fills oneself with curiosity, adoration and awe. That makes people feel settle, comfortable and welcomed.

It was a sound that Danuja never heard before and it filled her with excitement like the most intense fights.

'' You don't scare me.''  Kana said almost incredulous, rosy cheecks and wide grin on full display. She tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear before saying  '' You are so silly. Why would I be friends with someone that I'm scared with?''  she asked looking straight into Danuja golden eyes.

Danuja wanted to say more. To add things that pestered her mind since she first meet, saw Kana. Why was she here, close to Danuja? Was she bullied? Was someone out to get her and she needed Danuja to deal with it?

Why was she so dangerous? Why, how was she making Danuja feel so uncertain with herself every time she saw? How did she do it? Make her feel so small but big at the same time.

But Danuja, feeling the greed growing inside her, eating her away, she just relaxed her back, leaning her chin on her hand. And when the bell ringed, she took Kana hand and helped her up, holding her hand gently, admiring her soft hands.

Because Danuja wanted to hear that sound again. To never stop hearing it.