WITHOUT HIM

It's strange to live in that house after his death and I could just remember and witness him in my memories and pictures. I filled his room with all his photographs and cleaned his room now and then, to keep it lively. Even though he was gone forever, his memory would always be with me and his presence in my dreams comforted my dark nights. I missed him every minute. His memories always bought a wide painful smile on my face. People like him don't appear that easily in life. He enhanced my life, lightened it up and he introduced me to the world of happiness, showed me the feeling of care, and made me feel that I am no more alone in this world.

Dad and Riya were there at home. They remained silent, lost in thoughts. It showed how his death of him had affected them. They pretended to be strong in front of me and tried their level best to fill Krish's place but they couldn't because Krish was someone who cannot be replaced. They told me that I have to overcome this grief for Krish's sake, saying that he wouldn't like to see me in such a condition.

"Megha, I know it's not easy for you to overcome the loss, I know that he was your backbone. But, you need to become stronger so that you can deal with life. You have promised that you will conduct all those medical camps for that, moving on is the only way you can choose", Riya explained to me.

"I know that I have to overcome and do things, but it's not that easy. Anyhow college will start in a few weeks, maybe studies will help me distract", I declared

"I agree with you, but if you are weak, what will happen to uncle Dhruv? He gets shattered into pieces whenever he sees you like this lifeless. You have to be strong and spread happiness all around like the way you used to. Regardless of whatever mindset Krish was in, he always ensured that you are happy and smiling and he also took care of his uncle. Now you need to fill his place and be there for uncle. I am sure even Krish would have felt the same way about this"

"Thanks, Riya, for this support and for staying here with me. I'll be out of this really very soon. Don't worry about dad I will take care of him, I said to her.

This time was the worst and testing my strength simultaneously made me stronger. This taught me that life doesn't always cooperate with our plans, and we need to be prepared for the unexpected. Everything happens for a reason but, finding the reasons are just so hard, just like me now trying to understand the reason behind this unpredictable thing that happen in my life. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your dreams unwillingly. It is always better to live life without expectations than to dream life with the loved one and then live the dream all alone.

Every time my phone rang, I pick it up hoping that it will be Krish, but it was something impracticable. It was impossible for me to believe that I would never be able to see him again. I hugged Riya and cried to her. She was playing a perfect role of a best friend, by calming down and trying to console me and make me smile. This situation made Riya and I connect emotionally well with each other. As time passed, I slowly started to accept the fact, that though it was painful I had to get used to it. This acceptance of the bitter truth made me feel lifeless, discouraged and even depressed sometimes, but Riya was there by my side and kept me motivated. She supported me very well. I had grown up from this experience and it was evident for me to start college and look at life in general.

It was a Sunday morning and I had met Riya for a walk at Lalbagh. She started to spend more time with me and check how I was doing. The passing days gave me new hope and strength which was needed to overcome the past and move on. Now Riya and I are more emotionally connected to each other. After the walk, we went and sat on the bench nearby, and soon left the place

After the incident, every weekend Riya and dad came over here and we used to have dinner together and spend the time together. I was still haunted every day, every hour, every minute, and every second.

A father's love was so unconditional and pure. My dad was there for me always, he visited me every day and called me so frequently, taking care of me like I was a small school-going girl. He keeps on telling me to forget the past, though he knew that I would never let go of it. I limited myself to my room most of the time. I spent my morning hours in the college. During the evening I spent my time in Krish's room seeing, again and again, the album that he prepared for me and later locked myself in my room. I skipped my meals, as I lost the hunger feeling. My days started to pass on like this; I had become silent and started eating chicken like Krish. Even now and then cut my hand because physical pain was soothing the heartache of the loss.

That day evening I was completely sad I couldn't control myself. I take walk to the park nearby, I pass a bar and walk in and start drinking. As people say the alcohol inside me was dancing soothing my grief. I barely had a count on how much I was drinking, I slowly lost my senses. I walked out of the bar without steadiness, I tripped and a guy held me and it was Charlie.