Chapter 43

ALEX

Classes couldn't have gone slower than these two. The truth is I'm a little nervous about the time I'm going to spend with Gabriela now. I was very happy because apparently our relationship was improving, and quickly in my opinion, but I wasn't going to object, what really mattered to me is that Gabriela was happy, that's my only goal in life at this moment. 

  I was leaving college and I see a lot of people leaving, which really seemed strange to me. When I got there, Gabriela hadn't yet come out, so I decided to wait for her. She, she approached me and we hugged. It feels good have her in my arms, I missed having her there and protecting from whatever was necessary, although at the time I didn't do it, now she would do it, no matter what it cost me. 

"Hello my queen, how are classes?" I asked with a smile planted on my face "Actually I only went to one class, but hey, that's the least of it. Honestly it passed slow." she admitted "You can't imagine how slow were to me too. "I wanted to go out with you." 

  "Well, I don't know why, because technically, we spent the entire weekend together." She said, laughing, to which I ended up joining in. "Yes, maybe, but I love spending time with you, and the longer the better." 

  "You're still the same exaggeration as always." She responded, rolling her eyes to which I laughed again, because it was something she tend to tell me before, "Yes, but this exaggerated man loves you madly." I assured her and a shy smile appeared on her face. "I know, but let's go before we don't have time to do anything." 

"That seems fine to me." We started walking towards I don't know where, the only thing I know is we ended up next to the river, and I also can't say the moment in which we ended up holding hands, but I won't deny I loved going like that. We walked for a while in silence, without saying anything to each other until it seemed like something crossed her mind. 

"Alex, what happened to Paula?" She asked out of nowhere and I really didn't expect her ask me about her, one because it was because of Paula and what she told me about Gabriela that I broke up with her, and two, even though at some point they were friends, she did everything to hurt Gabriela. 

  "If you don't want to answer, don't worry, I'll understand." She assured and I denied "It's not that, the thing is I didn't expect you to talk about her after everything she did to you." I admitted, running my hand over my neck. "I know, but what happened between you two?" 

"We're not going to talk about that Gabriela, I don't want to bother you." I said in denial, because Paula is a topic I don't like to talk about. "You won't bother me, really." She assured, "It's just something I don't like to talk about." 

"Why?" She asked, looking ahead. "Because she was the one who put it in my head you were with Marcos, that's why." I answered "And that's why you ended up with her." she responded, nodding as if my way of acting at the time was logical. "Somehow I thought she had opened my eyes and I started going out with her" 

"Did you ever love her?" Gabriela asked, this time, looking at me. "No, I never loved her, I was just grateful for it." I said sincerely and to which he frowned "But if you were grateful, why did you end up with her?" 

"Things in life, really, I couldn't tell you why I ended up with her." I admitted, "Are you still seeing her?" She asked and I snorted at how stupid it would be if I did, but I also understood where Gabriela was coming from and if there was one thing I didn't want, it was for her to have any kind of doubts in her head. "No way, I don't want to see her, I hate her for what she put into my head." 

"But that wasn't just her fault." she pointed out "I know, and that's why I hate myself too, for everything I did to you." I said sincerely "Don't hate yourself, everything is fine Alex." She assured and I denied, because not everything was fine. I hurt the person I love the most "No, not everything is fine Gabriela, I hurt you and it cannot be forgiven." 

"If it's any consolation, you weren't the only one who hurt me throughout my life." She answered, but I denied again, because that didn't console me at all. "No, it doesn't console me, and of course the hatred I have for myself won't go away easily." 

  I looked away from her and separated from her because what she said was the truth. I hated myself for all the harm I did to Gabriela, I couldn't forgive myself, no matter how much she did it, I don't deserve her forgiveness. 

  "Alex, look at me.... Please look at me." I wasn't going to do it, I was about to cry and it's not I cared if she saw me, but the hatred towards myself was high enough I couldn't control myself, I didn't want to hurt Gabriela in any way, no. I would never forgive myself. I don't know very well when she gets closer to me and she puts her hands on me at the side of my face, making me look at her. 

"Listen to me carefully Alejandro Rodríguez, you're not going to hate yourself, it happened a long time ago, things changed. I love you; I love you with all my soul and I forgive you for everything you did to me. Don't hate yourself for something that happened too long ago, I ask you, please." she asked, and for a moment I stared into her eyes, I could see the sincerity in them. 

"It's not easy Gabriela." I said, "I can understand, but if you want us to be together you have to stop hating yourself, I don't want you to get frustrated over anything." She assured, "All I want is not to hurt you, that's what I'm happy with, and to see you happy Gabriela." 

"I'm happy with you my love, you make me happy since I allowed myself the luxury of believing you and getting along with you. I know you won't hurt me; I trust you, I always will. If you want, I can help you forgive yourself, but you can't live with hatred inside you, it's not good." I hugged her, because I don't know what it was about her made me relax. All she said, helped me feel a little better about myself, I don't know how, the only thing I knew for sure was I loved her more than everything in this world, more than my own life.