61 Sleep

It took about an hour before Alyssa came out from the back and let Sarina go back to see her brother.

"He's stable now, and awake. He's on oxygen now, too. He'll be on oxygen from here on. We can take him back to the nursing home after they monitor him for a little while longer." Alyssa says, looking run down and drained.

Sarina throws her arms around Alyssa and hugs her tightly before she runs up to the guard and is let in. Alyssa just walks out of the building and takes a seat on the wall by the garden and I follow her. We wait in silence for a while, me just strutting around the walkway.

"Stupid question for you." I tell her before joining her on the wall.

"Well, I probably have a stupid answer for you, so go on." She lets out a heavy breath, her shoulders slumping forward.

"It won't be much longer now, will it?" I ask, my voice wanting to catch at the end.

She shakes her head, "No, it won't be." Her voice catches and she stifles a sob that threatens to break free.

"Hey," I start, placing my hand on her shoulder to comfort her, "he's still here. He needs us to be strong for him. He doesn't want us crying over him, not when he's still here."

She sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, "You're right." She wipes her face, "I just wish I hadn't been so stupid all those years ago. I wasted ten years of my life with my ex husband, when I should have been here with David. Now, he doesn't have the time to spend with me." She squeezes her eyes in pain, clutching her heart and silently begins rocking herself, to soothe and calm down as she breathes.

"Well at least you get this time with him. Just have to make the best of it while we can." I say the only thing I can think of.

Before I forget, I send an email to Lance, asking for the password to access the cameras recorded footage.

After a little while, Sarina comes out and tells Alyssa that he's ready to go and that the hospital will be transporting him to the nursing home for now. Alyssa takes us back to my car and says she'll call us later or if anything changes.

The car ride is weighted down with silence. The apartment is too, as we enter and I look around noticing differences. She had started to pack her stuff up in boxes. I don't know whether that's because we had planned on moving in together or she was preparing to leave me again.

I go start a shower and take one by myself, not sure what to say or do from this point here. I know she is stressed out over her brother, but if she was packing because she was going to leave me again over not being able to contact me.... If she wants to be with me, that kind of behavior needs to stop. This lack of trust and jealousy is only going to ruin what we have.

The pain that grips my chest at the thought of her deciding that maybe she's done with us, is overwhelming. I pull myself together and step out of the shower. I dry off and wrap the towel around my waist and walk out to check on her.

She's fallen asleep on the couch with tear stains from her wiped makeup across her cheeks. I pick her up and she starts to stir.

"I'm just taking you to bed." I say quietly, causing her to still in my arms.

I place her down on the bed and remove her shoes. I go to the bathroom and wet a washcloth with warm water and gently wipe the smeared makeup off of her cheeks. I'm wiping the rest of her face when her eyes flicker open and she pulls her face away from the washcloth.

"It's cold." She mumbles, moving to sit herself up.

"I'll go warm it up, if you want to change out of your clothes." I stand and rinse the cloth out, warming it back up before I take it to her.

"Thank you." She says quietly, sitting in the bed in a tank top as she scrubs the rest of the makeup off her face.

I quietly nod and grab some underwear for myself before climbing into bed. I lay on my back and just close my eyes, letting her be the first one to talk, if she was ready to right now. I'm beyond exhausted, so if we didn't speak till in the morning, I could handle that. I feel her movement on the bed as she lays down to get comfortable. I don't know what I was expecting, but when I feel the warmth of her body next to mine, my eyes pop open, because I wasn't expecting her to curl up around me. Her head rests on my shoulder, golden hair tickling my face, her arm slung over my chest and a leg over mine, keeping me close to her.

Letting out the breath I didn't realize I was holding, I wrap my arms around her too. Neither one of us speaks, even though our words hang heavy and unspoken in the air. I feel her take in a breath and tense right before she finally speaks.

"Are you still awake?" She asks quietly.

"Yes."

"I... I'm.. I'm sorry." She works out.

"Sorry for what, exactly?" I know she can feel the way my body tenses, preparing for her answer.

"For not trusting you. When I went back to see David, he of course had to give me a talking to. He told me, I'm being cruel and unfair towards you. That you are not my ex's and therefore I should not punish you for their mistakes. I just couldn't help but feel like something was up. I told you how she reacts to me when I come around and then the other day, the patient who tried to seduce you... I guess I let my insecurities get the better of me." She hugs my chest tighter as I let her words run through my mind.

Sighing, I move to sit up so I can see her face. "Sarina, you remember how you reacted to telling me about when Marc kissed you? How you asked me to calm down so you could explain?"

She nods, sitting up herself, "Yes."

"I'm going to need you to do the same thing for me. Calm down so I can explain, but I also need you to trust me."

"I do trust you!"

I give her a pointed stare and she shrinks back, knowing she had a funny way of showing it, if she did.

"Sarina, if you can't trust me, this is not going to work out between us. I've told you my job has me interact with people that sometimes, are just not right in the head sadly. They may become deluded or obsessed with me, but I would never lay a hand on one of my patients." I tell her firmly.

"That's not completely true, Brian." She retorts.

Insulted, I inquire, "What makes you say that?"

"Because Lirael was one of your patients at one point?" She crosses her arms and sticks her chin up.

I groan, "But that happened years after she was no longer my patient, and it was one time." I close my eyes and lean my head against the wall. "Don't tell me you have a problem with Lirael now."

She scoffs, "No, I don't. I was just stating the fact. She told me about it and it was all before me, so why should I care?"

"You're missing the point. I would never take advantage of someone who is under my professional care." I open my eyes and take a deep breath, "I love you and I'm not going to cheat on you, EVER. However, I desire us to work out and be happy. We will never be able to though, if you continue getting jealous and thinking I'm cheating on you at every interaction I have with a female, when you're not around." I tell her through gritted teeth. Frustrated and exhausted that she's trying to act nonchalant about the situation.

"I'm not missing the point. I'm just .... " She let's out a long breath, "I'm just being defensive. I don't like the fact that I'm the one causing the problems in our relationship. I'm used to it being the other way around." She looks down, dejected and guilt weighing on her shoulders.

"Now the situation is reversed. So remember how you felt then, with them. That's how you're making me feel." I don't look at her as she raises her face to look at me, study my face. I just close my eyes and add, "I'm really tired, Sarina. Let's just get some sleep for now, please."

She recoils again into herself and quietly says, "Okay. Can I still hold you?"

Taken aback from her question, I'm quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry." She says before rolling over and covering herself up with the blankets away from me.

She didn't even give me a chance to answer her. Right now, even though she's close enough to touch, I feel like she's the farthest from me, she has ever been.

"This won't do." I grumble, as I scoot down in the covers.

She starts to roll over, "What won't do?" She goes quiet as I pull her body next to mine and hold her closely. She sniffles a few times, but holds my arms that are wrapped around her tightly.

"Shhh... let's get some sleep, Sarina."