CH 6: Entering my mental space

[One year later]

A year has passed since Roxy arrived, and I'm three years old now. Nothing significant has happened this year worth mentioning.

You remember the method that would allow me to enter my mental space, right? Well, in all this time I haven't been able to get in, I don't know why, I mean, I knew it was going to be difficult, but not that much.

But don't let that discourage me, so I didn't stop trying every time I had free time and knew that no one was going to bother me, which was difficult.

Being the little kid that I am, I have the most attention on what I'm doing on the part of the adults, then there's the fact that I'm studying magic and swordsmanship during the day, which left me at night to try it, but now Roxy decided to teach me at night too.

I mean, I'm happy for her interest in trying to teach me as much as possible, but I need space...

It's not like I was going to tell her, but the truth is that I don't really mind that she did that, her stories with attempts at teachings made me realize that I was focusing too much on learning magic from the grimoire and that I was distancing myself from the outside world.

I mean, doing that every day while I was practically a baby made me get into a practically obsessive routine, which fortunately I realized now and not later.

So I decided to give my speed a break and go slower, always trying to learn, but without getting into my own world and ignoring the outside.

Well, that's what I thought, but my life really wasn't affected much by that, I mean I still learn magic and sword from Roxy and Paul respectively and at night I still try to enter my mental space while for an hour I enter the grimoire's mental space to study.

I don't know how I haven't collapsed...

By the way, a week after Roxy arrived, I discovered a miraculous spell and it's "Soundproofing Zone", basically as the name says it makes the sound not go in or out, or if it goes in, but doesn't go out.

I use it every time I go into my room at night while Roxy is not there, that helped me a lot, now I don't have to listen to Paul and Zenith doing it. And if you wonder if I'm worried that something will happen and I can't react because I didn't hear? No, not really.

Very few things at the moment are a danger to me despite being a child, and Paul is at home with Roxy, both very strong adventurers in their respective professions.

So now I'm calmer and I can think well without all those obscene sounds that reach my room.

But despite that, I still haven't been able to enter my mental space, seriously why?

"Sigh" - I gave a silent tired sigh, but my tutor heard it so she stopped with her words and asked me.

"Are you okay, Kiel?" - Roxy asked, I looked at her, her adolescent girl figure, her beautiful face and her beautiful blue hair illuminated by the candlelight gave her a certain charm.

But despite that, that made me wonder, how is it that Rudeus could have that kind of thoughts for her, I mean, everyone has their tastes, right? But he was exceptionally perverted, at least at a young age to pervert Roxy.

Roxy is pretty, but she doesn't necessarily awaken primal instincts when you see her, if you know what I mean, or maybe it's just me who has different tastes...

'Most likely it's that' - I thought.

"I'm fine, just a little tired" - I shook my head while giving another sigh trying not to think too much about it. As I said, honestly Roxy seems pretty to me, but not to the point of losing my head like trying to flirt with her all the time.

"Oh, okay then, we'll leave the lesson finished for today" - Of course my actions made Roxy think that I was really tired, so she quickly got up and started to grab her study equipment and went out with a - "Have a good night, Kiel"

I didn't try to correct her mistake and instead, I greeted her while also wishing her good night, then when she closed the door, I conjured a magic circle on the floor of my room and isolated the sound so that no external sound would enter.

After that I turned off the candles and returned to my bed, when I did I sat in the lotus position like a true cultivator and closed my eyes.

'Well, attempt number 123 to enter my mental space, begin' - I thought saying a random number since I wasn't keeping track of how many attempts I've made, I started to focus my attention on trying to enter my mental space.

Normally one would think how the hell is that supposed to be achieved and I in my brutality would answer... No fucking idea.

But according to the grimoire and taking away all the techniques I need in the middle, then you only need two essential things to achieve it and they are intention and will.

Yes, I also wondered what kind of nonsense that was, but it is like that, unlike our normal world, in worlds where there is some kind of energy, those things have real weight in the actions we take.

Of course in our lives those things make us achieve things like, I want to become strong and I will do it despite having to endure all the pain that comes with resisting the muscles recovering from training.

In those worlds on the other hand if you don't have a truly strong will and intention, you can simply settle for the progress you have knowing that you won't be able to achieve more even if you train and practice a lot.

But leaving that aside, this made me wonder if I lacked that.

A question jumped into my thoughts and it was... would Rudeus have had a hard time doing this?

But then while I had that thought, another thought and question appeared in my mind.

'Why compare myself to Rudeus?'

That was a simple question that appeared in my mind, but despite that, it made me stop briefly.

I don't need to compare myself to Rudeus, despite how strong and talented Rudeus is in the original, he had completely different desires than mine.

He was content with what he had achieved and if it weren't for the tricks of the human god, then he would have stayed where he was.

While I don't want to be weak, at least not in a world where there are beings that can split continents, control the weather, among other absurd things.

I have the grimoire, an object that is supposed to help me become a magic god, I don't know how powerful, but if it comes from a cultivation world then it shouldn't be weak.

But if my intentions and my will are not strong enough, then how is it that I want to aspire to become a man who is not afraid to live in a world like this.

I don't know, maybe my desire is just to not want to be weak being a reincarnated having something that allows me to become an existence comparable to a god.

So no, I refuse to remain weak.

So I will live my life as it is, mine.

Doing what I want without thinking about what someone else would have done...

Then as I finished thinking, I felt like invisible doors were opening and then something made me open my eyes.

When I opened them, the first thing I saw was...

"My old house?" - I muttered as I saw the old house where I lived most of my years in my previous life.

And so, that's how I entered my mental space, with a cliche scene of self-discovery or whatever you call it...

This will be a secret I'll take to my grave.

====≠====≠====

I kind of wanted to add, "why that's my ninja path," at the end of all that, but I resisted, as cheesy as it all sounded, I couldn't ruin it.

Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter, I wasn't really planning on doing it like that, the idea came up shortly before I started writing it, but I'm not complaining, honestly.

If there are any mistakes, please let me know.