Reborn

"Name and cause of death"

The nasaled inquiry came from a lady sitting behind a wooden desk. The woman seemed ancient and had the air of someone who would not be afraid to use "her senior privileges "in such ingenious ways that would put any conman or fraudster to shame. Her words were intertwined with the harshness of a human chimney; Her withered voice box was not a stranger to cartons of cigarettes a day.

The lady pushed her intensely red spectacles down her crooked nose and looked at her client."Name and cause of death, please."1

Standing in front of her treated mahogany desk was a man of 25 Years of age. He stared dumbfounded at his surroundings and made no effort to pay attention to the speaking mummy. It's understandable; just a few minutes ago, he was having dinner with his parents, all the while discussing the intricacies and philosophical questions of cooked spaghetti. Is homemade sauce better than store-bought? Are soggy noodles really the devil's snot, and, this is a classic one if one would snort a noodle. Could you pull it from the other nostril? As the heated debate raged on, The young man felt dryness on the back of his throat and went to grab a cold one from his fridge. All of a sudden, he found himself standing in front of what seemed to be a waiting lobby.

"Name and cause of death. Listen, buddy, I don't have all day here"

The floor was dressed with a brownish carpet that, if you were interested enough to observe, could spot dashes of white that hint at its past beauty. Hanging from the walls were pieces of art that depicted a series of blobs of paint, cats, and the occasional disfigured portrait of a woman. A few cushioned chairs that have since been repurposed as a luxurious hotel for rodents, and insects were festering tightly on the walls.

"Sorry ma'am, but where am I?" said the young man.

She twists her neck away from the machine and stares at the man with two black holes. "All questions, fears, and complaints will be addressed by your assigned agent. If you please, name and cause of death."

"W-wait a minute, Cause of death? You must be mistaken. I was at my house a few moments ago. Where is this? Who are you?"2

"Just my luck, Cause of death... unavailable. All that's left is your name." said the woman

She quickly typed on the square machine without taking into her eyes off the man.

"But..." the young man said

He stood silently contemplating the predicament he found himself in: the blackout, being transported to a completely strange place, and asked strange questions.'What could all this mean' he thought to himself. In a flash, a devastating realization came to the young man, one so horrible that it would make even the most war-seasoned veterans cry.

He never finished his pasta.

A Stream of tears flowed from the young man's eyes. His heart ached, his tummy rumbled, and his lips smacked; the store-bought Alfredo sauce lingered on the edges of his mouth.

"Store-bought is superior, "he cried to himself.

"Max's the name, Italian cuisine, is my game. Though Mexican food comes a close second"

"Whatever you say, dear. Name... Max... Side note... Severe Mental Instability and deficiency."

With heavy fingers, the old lady bashed the relic without remorse until a metallic scrape shrieked from the machine. A piece of white paper ejected from the top of the computer. The lady's bones creaked and crackled as she took the slip of paper, tore it in half, put one of the halves in a box, and the other half she gave to Max.

"Your agent is in room eleven octillion two hundred four septillion seventy sextillion five quintillion one hundred one billion nine million nine hundred, Sixty-six thousand nine hundred twelve. If you have questions, just follow the arrows and you'll get there, eventually"

"Is there some sort of elevator I can take or something? By the way, is that even a real number?"

"No elevator, you have to--"

Ding!

A loud bell rung. The sound completely contorted the old woman's face. The sacs of overhanging flesh stretched from one corner of her face to the other. A speck of white shun through the bottomless pits that max could only assume were her eyes.

"Smoke break!"

With those words, a long metal shutter crashed down between Max and the receptionist's desk, leaving max behind in a desolate and quiet unsettling waiting room.

"Guess I'm dead. Huh, William?" 3

Max looked around the empty place for the signs. Left of Max stood a long and dark corridor. Hanging off the ceiling was an illuminated sign that read:

"agent 1", and the one after that read "Agent 2"

"No way..." Max said as he looked at the ticket in his hand.

"Agent eleven octillion two hundred four septillion seventy sextillion five quintillion one hundred one billion nine million nine hundred sixty-six thousand nine hundred twelve "

"W-Wait a minute, you're not seriously expecting me to walk all the way, are you?" Max asked the metallic wall.

There was no response.

Max clenched his fists and looked at the cold indifferent shutter."THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL NUMBER."

Unfortunately for him, it is, in fact, a real number.

In the dimly lit hallway, a shivering, balled-up figure hugged one of the doors "One billion, three hundred and forty-five million, sixty-six thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine."

"We're so close aren't we, William," said Max.

"....."

Max goes stares blankly at space while thoughtfully nodding his head"Haha, you're right, Wiliam. Man, I'm so glad we dumped that old grumpy John back there. He was such a downer. Like 'boohoo, there's no way we can do this.' "

'I'm like 'cry me a river John, we're already dead. Nothing worse could happen. Just a couple of steps won't hurt no one,' right William?" said Max

"....."

"That's why I like you, William, you're a man of action and not a whiner. By the way, William doesn't your throat hurt. No? Ok"

Max continued on mumbling to himself as he crawled throught the dark halls of wherever he was.

. . .

"Agent eleven octillion two hundred four septillion seventy sextillion five quintillions one hundred one billion nine million nine hundred sixty-six thousand nine hundred twelve... We... We made it!!! Wiliam, we really, really made it." said the quivering mess.

Max was once again brought to tears at the sight of the illuminated sign that overhung a wooden door "We've lost a lot of good people along the way: billy the nose picker, Anna, and her kids, Pochi the labrador, and worst of all... Bob"

"..."

"But as long as we're together, their memories will live on."

The demented young man stood in front of the door and, with a trembling hand, he pushed the door open. The door creaked, bringing a very arduous chapter of his life to a clo—

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh, my eeeeeeeeeeys. They buuuuurn"

As soon as the door opened, thousands of light rays mercilessly stabbed Max's eyes temporarily blinded him and, undoubtedly, causing irreparable damage to his retinas.

"Aaah, I'm so sorry. I forgot to lower the lights. Let me turn them down a bit. " A voice said coming from the office.

"William! William! Where are you? Code red, code red, the miniature unicorns are attacking again." Said Max as he flayed his arms around in an impressive feat of nerd rage and delirium. The lights dimmed down.

"Is that better? I'm so sorry, it's just that I'm new around here and I haven't got the chance to memorize all the procedures. Are you ok?"4

As Max opened his eyes, he caught sight of a view that he would never forget. A red-haired woman with hazelnut eyes and full red lips that carefully wrapped around every syllable. She dressed in a short skirt and black jacket that squeezed tightly on every curve of her body; this woman could melt the heart of any man. However, what captivated Max was not her indiscreet clothing or her seductive voice, but the long hair that freely danced on the mole on her face. It was really distracting.

"Ahem, my name is agent Michaela, and I will be working on your case until designation," said Michaela.

Wiggle Wiggle

"I will be explaining how the system works, how to use it, and tips on how to survive the exoplanet. Questions so far?"

Wiggle Wiggle

The hair on the spot wiggled freely as an autonomous and independent being. This really bothered Max.

Max pointed to her face and said "Yes, I have one question. Does it help you communicate with your kind ?"

"Huh?. Uh... huh?" said Michaela.

"You know, that antenna growing on the side of your nose, "Max tactlessly said. 5

The beauty's face exploded with red "Huh..hu. uhuuuuu?"

She ran and hid behind her desk.

"..." "

What? William, are you saying I shouldn't say mean things to young ladies? But I was only curious on--" said Max.

"..."

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'll apologize, geez. Hey lady, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I think it adds charm to your face. "

"Huuuuuu"

Sometime later...

"Ahem, moving along as I was saying I hear to guide you during your process of designation. All questions you have I will duly answer"

The Wiggle has been clipped; rest in pieces, little one.

"No, I don't have questions. "

"What?! Really. A-are you sure?"

"..."

"Oh, ok. William wants to know what is this place and what do you mean by designation"

"Who is William?"

"William is William.

" Moving right along, you are currently in the ministry Samsaranara and rebirth's relocation sector, where we deal with people who died before their time. Our purpose is to relocate these poor souls to different worlds to serve out the rest of their time."

"Ok, that's cool. I don-" stopped in the middle of the sentence.

"..."

"Wait, you mean to tell me there are more worlds than the one where we lived? " asked Max

"Not exactly. You see, these worlds are artificially made purely for the sake of serving out your remaining life span. After that, the world is destroyed, another is created, and so on," the agent continued explaining.

Wait. Max single functioning neuron thought.

"So on to explaining how the world works. There are different types

of system and... blah blah....points.... cultivation....blah...blah..."

This is reeeeeally boring. Concluded Max.

"Hey William, how about we ditch this chick, go back home, and finish that pasta ?"

"..."

"Gross, man. Who puts mayo on spaghetti, you weirdo" said Max moving towards the door.

"I'm sorry to disappoint, but you can't go back home."

"What? Why?"

"You're dead"

"So?"

"Once you leave a world, the gates of Vilomin close and prevent anyone from going back."

"That's not true, there was this one famous guy that died and—" Max stared blankly at space.

"…"

For the first time since his arrival in this place, Max was quiet and pensive. He sat there for a minute; quietly and without moving a single muscle. The buzz of the air conditioner, the rustling of decorative plants, and the occasional word from Michaela were the only sounds that the office had produced. Max widens his eyes and his lips begin to tremble."W-what a-re you talking about William? You're just pulling my le—" Max goes silent.

"…"

"N-No way…" Max Said

He lifts his gaze to meet the eyes of agent Michaela. and with quivering lips, he whispered,

"You mean... I can't see momma and papa, anymore?"

The air was heavy as the words left Max's mouth. Agent Michaela was at a loss for words, even as a top student of the Samsaranara academy, no amount of simulation and drills could prepare her to deal with this type of situation. She could only stand there biting her lips as she gazed at the trembling boy in front of her.

"...Or Julie, or, Robert, or little Johnny. " Max kept whispering names that held importance to no one but himself. 6

"No, Max. You can't see them ever again."

"....*sniff* *hic* *sniff*...."

Max started sobbing.

Agent Michaela felt impotent in this critical situation. All her years of training had failed her; she froze; her mind drew a blank. She committed the worst sin an agent could do: nothing.

"..."

"But William, we can't play with-- "

"..."

"But...but..."

"..."

"You're... you're right, momma used to say that, hehe *sniff*"

"Ok, lady. Let's get this reassignation thing over with and skip the boring explanations." Max said with renewed strength.

"But I need to explain how the world works, its history, culture, and survival ti--"

"Mrs. Lady, me and William traversed through that hell hallway. I think that just as long as I and William are together, nothing could stop us."

"Who in the hell is William"

"William is William, now chop, chop, hot stuff."

"Ok. Do whatever you want. "

The lady went to her desk, grab a big red stamp, and recited the following sentences:

"As a representative of the ministry Samsaranara and rebirth, I, Agent Michael, authorize the relocation of Max--"

"And William"

"And William to the geoplanet #649264 sector 6h"

With that, the agent Michaela stamps the papers. In a blink of an eye, Max was once again in a different place, however this time he was greeted by a herd of bald men in loincloths bowing down to him. "Honored dragon sage we ask for your blessing"

"Huh?"7

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Author's notes

I would like to take the time to thank the sponsors for their help in the creation of this epic tale, for without their help this compilation wouldn't be possible. I'd like to thank RenoTech Corp. for their generous donation of the state-of-the-art "MundoCretio" which allowed us to get this project off the ground. I'd like to also thank ImperialSecurity Inc., the current leading company in providing surveillance, security, recon, and intelligence for lending their finest officers during and after the development of this project. - W.T

I'll use this space to thank those who worked closely with production and my Humble self to bring this ground-breaking art to life. Thanks to my close friend Incidamus E. for casting, preparing the actors, and, as he would say, "Give them the motivation to act." The ministry of Samsaranara and rebirth for providing privileged access to its facilities and all its wonderful employees. Last, but definitely not least, you, the reader. Without you, this little experiment would hold no meaning. For that, I sincerely hope that this piece of literature brings as much joy to you as it did for me while making it. Now, with the formalities out of the way, I think it's time to check back on Max and, behold, the commencement of a story never been told in all watcher history.

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1 According to The ministry of Samsaranara and rebirth, the name and cause of death are vital for assigning an agent. This allows pairing the deceased with an agent that specializes in their particular trauma.- W.T

2 Sometimes actors forget their cause of death for multiple reasons such as Unexpected death, head-related trauma, severe psychosis during death, denial, being stupid, forceful entrance through the gates of Vilomin.-W.T

3 ImperialSecurity Officers were sent to investigate the area for any uninvited guests. However, they found no trace of this so-called "William"-W.T

4 The halls of ministry Samsaranara and rebirth are dark, therefore all agents are strictly advised to maintain proper lighting before meeting clients-W.T

5 The ministry Samsaranara and rebirth would like to add that "We ensure and advise that all our employees practice good Hygiene and grooming "- W.T

6 Intel from ImperialSecurity shows that these people do not exist. W.T

7 The game starts.-W.T