Chapter 6

I was in total devastation of not having an identity. I needed answers and I had to get them from Rou. I had decided that when Rou came to home, I'd bombard him with questions over questions over questions.

I kept sitting there on the couch in the dim lit livingroom, but that night he never came back home. What could be more important than your wife who had just been in an accident and was recovering with no signs of past coming back?

I kept waiting and the time went by, I didn't even realize it was 5 in the morning when I heard Rou's car outside. He might've been busy working so late and so I didn't want him to be more stressed with my problems. I quickly hid all the photo albums and went upstairs, in our room and pretended to sleep.

It took him a while to come up and when he did, with the ruffling and rustling, what I could make out of the sounds was that he was drunk and he was throw his clothes here and there when he got a phone call

"....."

"I know I know I'll figure something out. You don't have to worry baby, I'll make sure that you don't stress out. Bye, I'll come by tomorrow."

By what I had heard just now, it didn't seem like that the person on the other end was an employee. It was clear that something was wrong and I knew I had to do everything to figure out what was happening.

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Next morning, when I woke up he had left already, I never got a chance to ask him anything, I thought I'll ask once he came back.

After taking a good warm bath, I was feeling relaxed and better. I suddenly thought of painting, it was an urge that was so magnetic that I grabbed my bag, looked for a store and bought the supplies.

I was just walking around with my canvas and all the supplies in my hand. Just across the road I saw a cafe, it was surrounded by nature, unlike many others that carried the modern touch of time.

I crossed the road checking both the sides carefully and then entered the cafe. The mesmerizing coffee aroma and the vintage style of the inside, the smell of the wood telling you the stories it carried through time. I was completely in a trance when I spotted a table and chairs fixed in the backyard, amidst the nature and flowering plants.

I went to the counter to order some snacks and tea and to ask for permission to paint there in the lonesome spot so crowded with plants and flowers and all shades of green.

I got the permission and I went to that spot ordering my tea and set up the equipments.

I had heard that Lili liked spending time drawing and painting and it was the only think I found common in the both of us. Though it was my first time after accident to be painting, my hands were moving on their own and in no time I had set the stuff neatly there.

The canvas, blank, as if an art of its own. The canvas reminded me of myself but I had no idea if I was a blank canvas or one painted white over. Nonetheless, It was giving me a chance to start over and paint myself in all the colors I wanted myself to be smeared with.

I sketched some lines on the canvas as a guide for the colors I had to put but without knowing I had drawn myself, it looked like a puzzle, I looked like a puzzle. Unaware, I had drawn the reality of me, I was a puzzle.

No face features prominent, with flowers growing here and there. She was me, Lili. I was admiring the drawing before smearing paint over the white canvas. When I lifted the brushes, I got stuck, though painting felt like something close to me, yet I had to learn it again and I wasn't able to figure out what colors to put first.

Just when I was lost in my confusion, someone came from behind. I sensed them but before I could turn and look at the person, they were already so close to me. I lifted my eyes to look at him, he was looking at the canvas. He was the same person from the cafe, the one who helped me when I fainted.

He saw my face and the visible expression of cluelessness. He didn't move, I wanted to know what was happening in his mind, what was he thinking and what was he feeling? Was I the only one feeling all this overpowering emotions.

He spoke,

"So you paint?"

I nodded and quickly corrected myself,

"Well, I think I used to paint."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"ummm.... actually I was in an accident a month ago and I lost my memory, I'm trying to recollect the past. It seems like painting is the first piece...."

"....piece of the puzzle that you feel yourself to be?" He completed my sentence.

"It is a beautiful sketch of yourself though."

"Oh, Thankyou, I made it unconsciously."

I replied shyly.

"Would You like some help?" He asked.

"Oh You paint too?

That would be wonderful. But I... I don't know you and wouldn't it be a stress?"

"Yes I do paint once in a while. And I am Jack, and I would love to help you regain this part of your life from the past."

We sat there with our beverages. We talked, we talked about everything we could talk about. I had nothing to talk about yet with him it felt like I could just sit there and talk to him for eternity without really having anything to talk about.

I laughed so much, I never laughed this much before. He told me about himself. He told me to come at his place with the painting supplies and I agreed since I'd had to ask Rou first before allowing him at my home. It felt like going at his place would be easy and fun. I'd get to see a new place.

Maybe, I was just being swayed and was coming up with all the excuses to make myself believe that It was not the fact that I liked his company a lot, I was starting to like his laugh, his face, his voice or the fact that I wanted to be in the same vicinity as him alone with no one around, But that it was for better this way, It would not worry Rou much.

I was getting tangled up. But I was exploring myself not the past me but me of now, the Lili of this time and space, in the present.