Was It Really All I Felt?/Chapter 6

"It's a part of you and it will always be. Music is your heart beat and I think..... I think you just need to learn how to get it to beat again, which is where I fall in. So don't lose that beat cause it's what keeps you "Alive" not me. You just need to remember"

Those words kept on playing in my head over and over again as I lay down in bed unable to sleep.... staring at my ceiling

Was she right....am I selfish, did I meet her to learn how my heart beats and how to bring it back to life.

I don't hate music. I could never hate music, it's the one connection I have with my mother (had) having lost her to cancer at the age sixteen.

I love music more than anything, I wanted to be a part of a group, write my own sounds. I was happy at first..... were did it all go wrong?

Will my Mom feel bad that I want to quit what I had build with my teammates, that I hated music after a few years of joining the group and how I hated my own voice for a while; would she be disappointed with me?

But two years ago I stopped hating music, all because of her. I felt a light return back into my soul, filling me up....Hope, hope that's what they call it, all those years I couldn't see her. I hoped that someday it would happen, so I wrote them down into words which with time turned into lyrics and my heart string.

I couldn't help but smile a lot little remembering what she looks like: her eyes, her lips;her hair, her scent, her scent were really intoxicating.

Oh God, she hates me...yeah she has to by now, watching me say that Infront of my teammates. Please God, please, I hope she doesn't hate me.

I have true feelings for her I know I do, it can't be because I need to learn how my heart work, no it's not, that can't be all I felt, but was it?, was it really all I felt?

I thought rolling back and forth on the bed. I want to see her again.

I got to the record studio earlier than most the next morning since the movie shot is over, I had to go early and waiting for everyone to arrive....I need to explain myself, I need to clear the air.

Coming early has it downsides, the company felt very desolate. Drank strawberry milk as I waited.

I most have doses off cause as I opened my eyes the record room seemed bustling.

"I need to talk to you guys" I spoke out rolling by eyes to keep my eyes awake

"I don't think we need to hear what you have to say..."

"Let him speak" Jemmy told Dae-Hyun "We owe him that, so we should let him speak" Jemmy concluded giving me a smile.

"I'm so sorry I was being selfish, I didn't mean to say that music doesn't matter or that I would leave the team in a heartbeat, I just.....I felt like I was suffocating for a long time but I feel like I finally found it, finally found what makes me happy and it's her...I didn't want to let it go.... I didn't want to let go of her" I told them feeling sad and remorseful

"She cam to us, she came to see us to explain. I finally get what you see in her, she had that aura around her that feels the room with positive energy and light"

«Dora going to meet the boys in a private room»

"Hey!" she spoke out at the scene as the team consoled Dae-Hyun "Can I speak to you guys, it won't take to long" they all turned to look at her, feeling nervous but brushed it offf as she walked into the room.

"What do you want" Dae-Hyun said still in tears and a little shaking up as she took a sit next to Danny.

"I know you all feel hostile towards me especially you, Day-Hyun but I'm not a threat; I swear" Trying to be friendly and inviting as possible.

"It's Dae-Hyun, not Day-Hyun" he told me provoked as I nodded in agreement smiling

"When I met Soo Yeon for the first, he felt lonely and alon, afraid for some reason not smile...he felt empty, that's why I spoke to him that day on the beach because I thought he needed a friend, someone to listen to him....and I said "Why not" cause I felt such loneliness to at some point in my life" She said looking sad and dispirited

"How can you a stranger who he had only met four times know this" Dae-Hyun said grouchy

"She's right!. She's right and we all knew that....Soo Yeon's mother died on our first tour. He wasn't supposed to perform but he did anyway....He didn't get to mourn her properly, he didn't cry not even once" He said feeling crushed

"He never cried not once but pretended everything was okay and went on that tour... putting up a big smile. When he said he wanted to quit, I wasn't surprised not at all"

The whole room felt heavy, very heavy and silence encamped around the room like a shield

"Just think about it, why did you all become a group? What brought you together? Did you enjoy your first time performing on stage together?" she said as we all stood still looking at each other in silence.

«Moment with Dora fades»

"Soo Yeon? You should mourn your mother properly" he told me with a sad look on his face

I suddenly felt hot tears run down my cheeks as I couldn't control myself, I bursted out in an uncontrollably break down

"I wanted to fulfill my promise to her...I wanted to fulfill my promise to you guys... I....I was afraid that I was going to quit if I didn't do it. I didn't get to see her for the last time...it broke me. I..." tried saying but fell to my feet as they rushed for me holding me in a tight embrace, a shield formed by my teammates.

"We are so sorry!" they said together "We are so sorry we never knew how you were suffering inside, am so sorry I was selfish" Dae-Hyun said hugging me the most with so much tears in his eyes.

"If you cry am gonna cry too" Danny said

"Now I'm gonna cry" Lee Bin said

Within a few seconds staring at each other we bursted into tears, people outside might begin to wonder what's wrong with us.