Chapter 192

Bastian looked at his wife, still trying not to reveal how truly worried he was for her.

Aidana—the woman who had saved her—had told him of the events that had preceded their arrival to the Venerable. He could only assume how tortured Hydrangea was; by the way she was acting, he knew she was trying to avoid it.

He sighed at her question, "Aidana told us and we… struck a deal with the generals that were captaining the fleet."

He saw confusion pinch her features and he smiled softly at her little wrinkled nose. A smile that quickly diminished when his eyes landed on the healing brownish green bruises on her cheek and neck. He swallowed down his anger at the clear indentations of hands.

"What sort of deal? And who's Aidana?" She asked.

He raised his eyes from her figure that was draped only with his shirt. She must truly be out of it if she didn't care about the fact they were standing out and away from the privacy of a room. But he knew she would be humiliated.

With care, he led her back into the cabin, "Aidana is the woman who saved you." Understanding surfaced in her eyes. He continued, "And it was more of an arrangement. If we get Cadarama out of the hands of the Lords, we allow them to retire, with a sizeable pension."

Her brows rose before inquisition settled in her eyes, "But… then what sort of navy will we have when we get Cadarama back?"

He thinned his lips and raised his brows, "It was a risk. But, we're on our way to getting help."

He clasped her cold hands in his and frowned looking down at her bare feet, "Are your toes cold? And are you hungry?"

He watched the corners of her lips curve up, "Yes. To both."

"Alright. I'll be back soon with some food, there should be stockings in one of the trunks."

She looked around the room and nodded.

He kissed her temple before he left the comfort of her presence. The smile slowly drifted from his face as he walked to the charting room. He opened the door without bothering to knock.

The navigator turned his gaze to him, "Captain, what route do we plan to take?" Bastian was grateful for the fact that he spoke without any preamble.

Bastian thought for a few seconds. He'd been debating which currents to follow since the idea of sailing to Membentuk had been proposed.

He cleared his throat and pointed to the map laid out on the table before them, "We'll take the North Current." He traced his fingers along the details of the Great Sea, "The storms will likely be more severe, but the route is shorter and leads directly to Panloob namaa isla."

The navigator nodded but Bastian's eyes remained fixed to the map a little longer. His hardened eyes trailed over the markings that symbolized the current.

Stepping out of the room he walked to the galley and took a bowlful of soup for Hydrangea. His lips thinned again at how he would deal with her. She was troubled and needed to work through her emotions, yet he knew she wouldn't want to. He feared for when she would break.

He opened the door to his cabin and his jaw dropped at the very evident changes that had occurred since his absence. The cabin had been organized neatly and now had an air of femininity to it. He hid a frown; he wasn't sure he liked it.

His eyes searched for the instigator of the changes and upon finding her, he grew worried.

He set the bowl of hot soup down and walked over to where she sat, on the floor with her back to the bed.

He stood for a moment next to her, he felt so unsure, he hated it. He wanted to know exactly how to comfort her. He licked his lips and and sat next to her on the wooden boards. She still hadn't made any indication that she'd noticed his arrival.

She was wearing pants and stockings now and her hair was tied back into a bun.

He looked at the wall she was staring at and began to feel restless.

"Hydrangea, there's some soup here, if you're still hungry."

She glanced over to him which let some relief enter him.

She inhaled as though she wanted to talk. But she shook her head and seemed to have changed her mind.

He thinned his lips. Standing up he bent down and picked her up. "Alright. This isn't working."

"Bastian."

He looked down to see the frown on her face. Setting her down on the bed he caged her in with his arms. "It's not working Hydrangea. I can't-I don't like seeing-"

He saw pain ether her eyes, pain that had previously been concealed by hollowness.

"I-I don't know how to fix it." She whispered.

He closed his eyes for a second, "Neither do I, Hydrangea."

"Is this why you drank so much?" She asked and he tilted his head, trying to guess what was running through her mind.

He drank… he drank because it was fun, and tasted good, helped him to sleep, and… and because it made everything lighter.

"Yes." He answered in a voice hoarser than he'd intended, "Yes. That's why."

He saw a sheen cover her eyes, "It helps?"

He shook his head, "No. It's fleeting. I may drink a bottle of wine, but it changes nothing. It only hides it for a second. And even then, sometimes the thoughts and memories still return, and haunt you in whatever haze you're in."

He saw a hopelessness appear in her eyes and pain rattled in his being. He didn't know what to say, he kept trying to say what made sense; he knew it was torture.

A dark memory appeared in his mind before he could black it out. His jaw locked as he replayed it in his mind, just as he had done many times before; in slumber or in waking.

He swung left and Bastian grabbed his hilt and ran him through. He flinched slightly at the memory of the blood splattering.

Out of all the lives he'd taken, it was the one that strangled him the most.

Breathing out a quick breath he looked at Hydrangea. Her eyes had taken on that hollowness again. He hated it, it made him feel so helpless; that there was nothing he could do for his wife.

He sighed silently, "I'll be back by night, you eat your soup, alright?"

She nodded numbly, "Alright."

He stepped from the cabin and massaged his temples. Taking a few deep breaths he walked to the stairs that led above deck with a confident expression. When inside, he felt as though he was withering away.

On his way to the helm he caught sight of Aidana watching the sea. The rain had stopped for the most part, but he was sure it would return with a vengeance.

He walked behind her and cleared his throat. She lazily turned her eyes to look at him, "What can I do for you, Sovereign?"

He narrowed his eyes and glanced around. No one seemed to have heard her words.

"I believe I asked you not to call me that."

She shrugged.

His nostrils flared, running his tongue along his lower teeth, he said, "Will you please.. watch Hydrangea?"

The woman turned her eyes to him and scrutinized him, "A Hiraeth male saying please, would you look at that."

He opened his mouth but she cut him off, "I'll look after your wife."

He watched as she walked down the stairs. His opinion of her wasn't high, but he had a feeling who she served, and who had sent her to protect Hydrangea.

So he trusted her, despite the fact she was an irritating woman. He owed her. A fact he did not appreciate.

Walking up to the helm he stood behind Rodas and observed the deck.

The day passed with ease, luckily. Bastian knew that the coming days would be longer, and filled with more dangers.

He bid Rodas goodnight and walked back below deck and in the direction of his cabin.

He heard laughter and assumed the men were playing some games by the music that was playing.

He opened the door and observed the cabin, a surge of panic flowed through him when he couldn't find Hydrangea.

His jaw clenched when he thought of Aidana. What had she done?