A Troubled Senpai

Yep, it actually happened.

Next day, she actually did come for my lunch again. Of course, she didn't leave out her rude tone to me, but she still did wanted my omelette rice, so I just gave it to her after one headpat, as agreed.

When she gave me the empty lunchbox, glances suddenly attacked me. Yesterday was the same, as well. My classmates either stared at me in disgust, or stared at me with jealousy. To be honest, I'd rather want it to be the former. Yes, they're staring at me with jealousy.

After the said girl left the classroom for whatever purposes she may have to attend, my friend Kentarou appeared in the door and ran towards me, sitting on the opposite side of my desk.

"Yo, what the hell just happened?!"

I hit him on the head. Yes, I got my revenge. He didn't come back yesterday when that girl left, after all.

"She asked for my lunch. Again."

"Okay, sure, but why did you hit me?!"

"Revenge."

"Of course, of all people, she would ask you for your lunch again..."

His tone rather suggested that he was jealous. Just who is this girl, and how famous is she for people, even my friend, to hate me this much? Maybe Kentarou has some idea.

"I'm receiving tons of death stares not just from my classmates, but also from you. Who was that girl?"

"Wait, you didn't know?" He grabbed both of my shoulders and pulled me closer. "You actually didn't know?!"

Well, this was weirder now. I'm fine handing over my lunch, but I'm not fine with my current predicament right now. Feels like Kentarou's gay. Look, even a girl that I assume who loves BL is blushing from this scenery right now.

"I'm not going to know who I don't know." I slapped his hand off me. "Seriously, who is that girl?"

"She's the one I told you before, Ayase Shimamura."

Whaaaaat.

Now I'm genuinely confused. Someone that was famous, and I didn't even recognize her? I feel like I've committed a crime far greater than betraying my sister—no, your crimes towards your sister is far more worse than this.

"Also, I might just be imagining it, but what was with your sentence earlier? 'Of all people?' What did you mean by that?"

"What I meant was that she loves omelette rice. I thought she wasn't going to come back again after yesterday, but she actually did."

I want to punch this guy in the face; he didn't even see what happened yesterday.

Also, how did he even get the info that she likes omelette rice?

I suddenly felt the urge to go to the toilet.

"Sorry, gotta take a bathroom break," I said, and then walked out of the classroom, and headed straight for the bathroom.

For some reason, that girl, Ayase Shimamura, wants my lunch just because it's omelette rice. I think my impression of her is changing. When Kentarou said that she beat Nao Aoyama, I was pretty impressed. I thought she would be taller than the average girl in senior high, would have an incredible physique, and have large breasts—let's not go to that part. But, well, now I wonder.

Who is this Ayase Shimamura? What's her real personality? What's her goals in her entire high school life?

...For the first time in a while, I took an interest to a girl that didn't involve spoiling my little sister.

***

Back then, in junior high of my first-year, I had a senpai that really loved writing stories. She would write tons of it, in fact. She won some competitions, and she even started her debut as a novelist. Her name was Akiko Tanaka-senpai. But this story isn't about her.

We met each other in the third floor of my previous school, when the teacher asked me to deliver some supplies for the literature club. I was quite dependable at the time.

It went as following: we bumped into each other, I dropped the cardboard box containing the supplies for the literature club, she helped me picked it up, and when I saw her face, I immediately knew she was a member of the literature club.

After a little bit of interaction and showing some interest in that club, she suggested to me:

"Why not join the club?" Of course, I agreed, since I actually did enjoy reading a lot back in the day.

There was also some other members in that club that I met. But only a handful, though. There was just a total of five members in that club, including Tanaka-senpai. But there was just one member that struck me to comfort them.

One day, when I didn't realize that there weren't going to be any club meetings because of some problem, I was just sitting down on the club room. Of course, I was getting confused why there wasn't anyone going in.

But after a few minutes of waiting, though, the door opened, and a senpai appeared behind it. She was a female, and like my junior high second-year classmate and friend Yuuna Akabane, she also wore glasses. The only difference was that she was interested in history novels, rather than the trendy ones. She's classmates with Tanaka-senpai.

"Oh," she started. "they're still not here?"

I nodded.

To be honest, I felt kind of embarrassed of our situation. Don't get me wrong, I was a boy in my puberty back then, so that was to be expected. What made it worse was that I didn't know her name.

She sat down and then started typing on her laptop. She was going to print out materials for us to present at the school festival. I may not know her name, but I do know that she's the vice president of this club. Tanaka-senpai was the president.

Out of all the members in this club, and there's no favoritism involved, the only ones I saw that was actually motivated to continue with the club activities was Tanaka-senpai, me, and Senpai-san. Yes, I referred to her like this. I did some writing back in the day, so I thought I was pretty motivated. I did write a full manuscript that didn't get released, after all.

While I was reading a book that Tanaka-senpai lent me, Senpai-san's hand suddenly started to occasionally slow down writing. I didn't recognize it at first, but then it stopped completely.

Just when I thought she was now finished with her job, when I looked at her, she was staring fixedly towards me. She didn't even avert her gaze when she saw me looking at her.

It was then that I realized, after looking at her eyes behind her glasses...

...that she was suffering.

She was suffering from something that I couldn't tell. It feels like she's holding in something, but can't seem to squeeze it out.

Finally, she started speaking.

"Hey, Kouhai-kun. Can I ask you a question?"

She didn't seem to know my name as well, hence why she called me that. Of course, I was referring to her in a similar way when I'm speaking to myself, so I guess we're now equal.

"What is it, Senpai-san?"

"Do you have a childhood friend?"

Not what I was expecting. I tried searching my memories to see if I even did have any friends when I was a child, and reached to a conclusion.

"Yeah, only one. I kinda did something after that, and we were both separated. Can't say if we're still childhood friends, though."

"...I see."

To be honest, after I said that, I felt reluctant to keep going with my story. The fact that we were both separated was my—or rather, Ryuuji's—fault to begin with.

"Well, have you ever been in love?"

Now that was more unexpected.

"No, not really."

"...I hope you don't experience it. It's hurts way too much."

After that, Senpai-san's eyes started to tear up from behind her glasses. This was my first time seeing someone cry, let alone a girl.

I pondered on what she meant on her statement. Love hurt her too much? I can only think of one thing, which is rejection, but seeing that I haven't even experienced love for myself, I couldn't be quite sure.

I started to recall my mother's words.

"Senpai-san? What's the matter?"

I put a bookmark in the book that I was reading and stood next to her. It felt like I could comfort her right now, but I first needed to come up with a way to earn her trust in order to comfort her.

Well, for now, I'll just listen for the reason.

"...I have a childhood friend. Someone I grew up with for 16 years. We were both really good friends, and whenever we needed each other's back, we could always lean in on one. But, just earlier, I couldn't contain my bottled up feelings for him, and decided to go tell him my feelings. It took a lot of courage."

"Mm-hmm."

"...But he rejected me."

At that point, her words were now getting mixed with sobs.

"He rejected me, saying that... I was just a friend to him... And to make it worse... He also said that he liked someone else... That's just cruel, isn't it, Kouhai-kun?"

She started asking for my opinion. I didn't have any reason to not answer. But the words couldn't come out of my mouth. So instead, I tried to tell her my intentions.

"...Hey, Senpai-san. You're hurt now, right?"

"Yeah... You guessed right."

"You said something about leaning to each other. Do you have anyone you can lean on right now?"

"...Ever since he rejected me, it felt like I was betrayed. It felt like I was betrayed by my one and only friend. That's why..."

At that point, she started to break down in tears. She collapsed in the chair where her laptop was placed, dropping her head on the keyboard, washing it with her tears. And yet, she didn't seem to care.

"No... I don't have anyone I can lean on to right now..."

That was my time. This was the timing that I needed to take, the timing that I needed to take no matter what.

"...Well, what about me?"

After I said that, she looked at me with teary and confused eyes. Of course, I knew that this reaction was going to be obvious.

"We may not know each other that much, and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't just go ahead and interject myself into your problems, but the only that I want to do is help you. As fellow club members."

I stated pretty much everything I wanted to say. After that, she gave me a wry smile and a chuckle before answering back.

"I see... What do you have in mind, Kouhai-kun?"

"Well, I lived myself to dedicate my mom's advice, and that's what I'm doing now."

"What's your mother's advice?"

"Whenever you feel like someone is feeling troubled, say this to them. 'I can give you hugs and headpats.'"

At that point, silence enveloped the empty room. I just blurted that out loud without thinking much into it. I feel like my face is flushed, and I don't want to imagine that.

Finally, Senpai-san broke the silence.

"Thanks, Kouhai-kun. But we're still basically strangers to each other, you know?" she said, wiping her tears off her face. "But I appreciate the fact that you're trying your best to comfort."

"...Okay."

I'm not really the type of person to pry about something further. Or rather, it's not in my nature to do it. I don't force things that people don't like.

"...Well," I said. "I''ll be outside if you ever need company. It feels like you need some time alone."

I took my book, and then went towards the door. I didn't get my bag, seeing that I didn't have to leave yet. However, when I was holding the knob, someone suddenly wrapped their hands around me. It was Senpai-san.

"Um, Senpai-san?" I asked, not turning my back and just letting her hug me.

"...Please don't go."

"Eh? I thought you didn't want to be seen crying?"

"That's not it..." She shook her head in denial. "You're leaving a girl behind... You should know what I want in this situation."

"...I see."

She didn't want comfort, but rather, she wanted company. That, I did not realize. I needed to learn more about girls.

We kept this position for a bit. Slowly but surely, my back got became soggy from her tears, as she buried her face in my back. I didn't really mind it.

That's how I helped a senpai back then. Unlike the case with Akabane-san, I was still inexperienced at the time. But after this, I learned a lot of things about girls.

They don't express their real intentions that much. They try to hide their feelings, only showing it when they can't take it anymore. And to be honest, those are the type of girls I want to comfort.

It's been three years since that. After a year of what happened, she graduated from my junior high, and even though we had a LINE group chat for the literature club, I didn't get the chance to see her name since she left that group chat.

And even until now, I still don't know her name.

***

Walking back to my classroom after taking my bathroom break, I passed by an empty room that had something interesting happening.

There was a girl who was slightly shorter than me, and she was reaching something up top of a cupboard. Judging from her height, she must've been a first-year student, like me. She also needed a stool or a chair if she wanted to reach that.

It seems like she left the door open in a hurry to get something, which was a book. Looks like she needs help.

I went inside the room, and then spoke to the girl.

"Hello. Is there something wrong?"

The girl jumped after hearing my voice, and then glared at me with a flushed face like I just killed her family. She looks like she was embarrassed being seen like that. Please don't look cute, I'm actually quite enjoying it.

"...I can help you reach that, if you don't mind."

I was a bit taller than her, after all.

She pondered about, trying to contemplate on what she should do next. As if making up her mind, she coughed once, and then spoke in a serious tone.

"Is that how you speak to a senpai?"

"...Eh?"

I was taken aback by her words. But, now that I got a good look on her uniform, the color of her bowtie was different to mine. It was only for third-years to wear.

I think I just misjudged her age. Which I actually did, by the way.

"Oh, sorry about that, um..."

I didn't know her name, but it seems like she wasn't going to tell me anytime soon. I suddenly remembered a sweet memory about a senpai in my first-year of junior high, so I referred to her using that.

"Do you need any help... Senpai-san?"

She lowered her hand. It's either she wasn't expecting that, or I just disrespected her. I really hope it was the former.

Then suddenly, she muttered something that was almost inaudible, but I luckily heard.

"...Kouhai-kun...?"

Boom, that word triggered a lot memories in the past. Something about a literature club, Akiko Tanaka, all those stuff. Yeah, I remember now, I was in the literature club back then, and there was a certain Senpai that I grew close with.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" she flew that question to me. I was still in a bit of a daze, so I could nod.

"...Whenever you feel like someone is feeling troubled, say this to them. 'I can give you hugs and headpats,' did your mother tell you these words?"

Oh crap. How did she know about that?

As if noticing my confused state of mind, she spoke in a suddenly cheerful way. It even felt like her previous seriousness was suddenly deteriorated.

"...It is you, Kouhai-kun!"

She suddenly jumped at me, immediately wrapping her arms around my body. It felt like I was now in chains from how tight her hug is. She was also jumping slightly. Let's try to ignore that soft and bouncy sensation I'm getting.

"It really is you, Kouhai-kun!"

Because of her height, she looked up at me with a happy and cute face. Okay, do that one more time, and I'm hugging you back.

"Uh, are you Senpai-san? The one who got rejected by your childhood friend?"

She nodded happily as if she didn't even care she got rejected that time.

"Yeah! Oh, you have no idea how much I'm happy right now!"

She looked up at me again, this time with a much cuter and happy face. She even gave me a large smile. Okay, do that one more time, and I'm hugging you back. I feel like I already said that.

I patted her head out of instinct, and then spoke to her.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm happy to see you too, Senpai-san. By the way, could you stand back a little bit for me?"

As if finally noticing her actions, Senpai-san pulled back quickly and embarrassedly, and then flashed an awkward smile while scratching her head.

"Ehehe, I was just so happy to see you I kind of lost my senses for a bit."

Isn't that bad?

"But you really are here, Kouhai-kun! How come you admitted to the same school as me?"

"Coincidence. I don't really care about where I'm admitting, except for a college."

"No, it's not coincidence! It must be fate!" she said proudly as she balled up her fist.

"You really didn't change that much back then, huh?"

I wouldn't believe that she would have a personality like this if our first metting was right now, but after her rejection, we became close with each other. She suddenly started opening up to me more and more, until it was time to say goodbye because of graduation. I kind of prefer her like this. She even let's me give her hugs and headpats.

"But, wow, you suddenly became shorter. You're also not wearing any glasses, anymore."

"Yeah, I switched to contact lenses, and way to brag about your height! At least my boobs got bigger, and I'm proud of that!"

"Are you sure you should be saying that to me?"

Well, that was back then. I was shorter than her back in junior high, but we all got a thing called growth spurt, so that was to be expected. But wait, is a third-year even supposed to be this short?

"...Ah! I forgot!"

She suddenly perked up in surprise like she just remembered something important.

"Sorry, but could we maybe speak later? Even though I want our reunion to last for a while longer, there's still something I need to do."

She continued her quest of trying to get the book on top of the cupboard, which she still struggled.

"So you're saying our reunion is more worthless than what you're doing now?" I said as I helped her get the book that she was reaching. It turns out that she was getting a script for some play.

She pouted at my words as she got the book.

"I said I'm sorry, right?"

Yeah, her pouting face still looks cute. If it were the past me, he would probably fall in love with her.

"But, wait, we still don't know each other's contact..."

"Well, we have LINE."

"Right! LINE!"

We exchanged our contact informations. Her profile picture was a brown teddy bear with a blue bowtie. Mine just looked like the account wasn't set up properly. By the way, the account name "Kuma" actually fits her.

"Well, I'll be going, now! I'll text you where we can meet tomorrow!"

She ran out of the empty room while tugging the script.

A sudden reunion with Senpai-san, huh. Can't believe we'd see each other after three years. I always assumed that there wouldn't be anyone that'd be admitting to this school, but I never considered the fact that there might be a senior in my junior high that picked this school. But I guess all is good anyway, since I know the senior myself.

***

The next day passed. Like yesterday and the day before that, the girl which I now knew as Ayase Shimamura came for my lunch again. This time, Kentarou didn't run away, but he did look at Shimamura quite a bit.

The most surprising thing for Kentarou was that before I handed her the lunch box, I patted her in the head like we both agreed. He was left speechless after that.

When Shimamura left, the barrages of deadly glances came rushing everywhere in my body. If I'm not careful, I might die socially. Of course, after Shimamura left, Kentarou barraged me with his questions.

"What the hell was that?! I accepted the fact that you were giving her lunch, but what was with that headpat?!" he shouted at me. Uh, are you angry or something?

"It was just something we agreed on," I started. "For everytime she takes my lunch, I'll give her one headpat. I'm surprised she's still holding on."

Kentarou sighed. I don't know if he was satisfied with my explanation. Well, he did have a disappointed look on his face, but it seems like he's willing to let it go for now. He suddenly changed the topic.

"Well, whatever. Anyways, I found some juicy news about one of the Three Deadly Beauties!"

How do you keep having all these kinds of information? Now that I think about it, it kind of feels like he's a stalker for knowing all these things. I just hope he's not.

"Tell me more."

"The acting club president, Ayane Matsumoto, actually wasn't angry for the first time when their play got messed up for a bit."

"Woah, that's impressive."

You don't get these types of personality changes, after all.

"Not only that, she even let the club leave early yesterday! Can you believe it?"

In the middle of his rambling, my phone suddenly vibrated. It seems like I received a text message.

When I checked it, expecting that it would be my little sister, the name "Kuma" appeared in my chat log. Oh right, she said we'd be meeting each other at lunch tomorrow, which is today.

"Sorry, Kentarou. Sudden emergency."

"You betrayer."

"What?"

"You promised we'd be single until graduation! You're betraying me now!"

Oh, he must've assumed that Senpai-san was my girlfriend. He doesn't even know her anyway, and I don't have much friends, so he must've arrived at that conclusion. Also, I didn't promise him anything.

"Don't worry, it's just for a bit. I still don't have a girlfriend, so we're still good."

"Okay. But don't think I'll believe you for a second."

"So what can I do to make you believe me?"

"I'm coming with you."

Well, that was fine. I was just meeting up with Senpai-san again. And besides, I want to tell her that I've been making progress on my own. Well, making a single friend probably isn't worth anything, but I can still try.

She said in the text message that we can meet up at the empty room we were in.

After heading to that room, a tiny senpai was leaning in the wall near the window, reading a book. This view looked absolutely enchanting.

"Hey, Senpai-san."

"Ah, it's Kouhai-kun. And you are...?"

Sounds like she's asking for Kentarou's name.

"..."

Wait, why isn't he speaking?

I looked at him, and saw a flabbergasted Kentarou. His jaws were dropped, his eyes was looking directly at Senpai-san, and his voice sounded inaudible.

"T-T-The Deadly Beauty... Ayane Matsumoto..."

...What. Is he talking about.

"...Wait. Senpai-san, you're name is Ayane Matsumoto? The acting club president? The one who made her debut as a novelist back in the second-year of her junior high?"

"Ehehe, it actually feels embarrassing to be praised by you that much..." She looked really cute when she's fidgeting in embarrassment like that—no, focus on the main subject, damn it! "But, yeah, that's pretty much it. Surprised?"

"Well, yeah... I've never heard of your name before until now, so I'm now... I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be scared or impressed..."

"...Scared? What's that supposed to mean?"

Craaap! I said that out loud!

Because of what I've seen and heard her do, I kind of got the impression that Ayane Matsumoto would be scary as heck, so I just blurted that out loud!

"Yeah, uh, thanks for introducing me Yuuji, gotta go now, bye! Kentarou said as he quickly left the room, practically running away. I'll get you like last time you idiot, just you wait!

So, yeah, pretty much that's what happened. After he left, an awkward silence enveloped the empty room. Senpai-san started speaking to kill the silence.

"So...," she started. "Your name is Yuuji-kun, huh?"

Okay, I can happily die now. A girl called me by my first name. I can happily die now. Wait, I've been hugging some girls for a while now, shouldn't I be dead already?

"Well, come to think of it, we never really introduce ourselves back in junior high, right? We never even got our contact informations," said Senpai-san.

"...Do you want to introduce ourselves?"

She nodded with a smile.

Well, it was supposed to be obvious, but why didn't we even introduce ourselves?

"Well, I guess I'll go first. My name is Ayane Matsumoto, a third-year in Mitorishi Senior High, and the acting club president. I'm also the author who started her debut in junior high 'Kuma-chan'."

Wow, she tons of achievements. Unlike me, she's probably living out her life as someone who's always known in the public. But now's not the time to get envious of her.

"I'm Yuuji Akamatsu, a first-year in Mitorishi Senior High. Well, that's about it, though. Unlike you, I'm pretty much just a nobody."

Yes, I said that truthfully and shamelessly. I'm proud of myself.

"Then," she started again. "let me change my introduction."

"Eh? You don't need to do that—"

My words was interrupted and ignored, though.

"My name is Ayane Matsumoto, a third-year in Mitorishi Senior High, and the acting club president. I'm also the author who started her debut in junior high 'Kuma-chan'."

The words she said we're pretty much the same as the first time's. However, she added some additional words to it. And let me tell you, I was not expecting it.

"And everything about that was made possible because of my cute junior, Yuuji Akamatsu-kun."

Those words came out, and my god, was I taken aback.

I'm not used to being praised that much since I'm a loner with absolutely no achievements in my school life.

Silence yet again enveloped the empty room. Hey, why are you getting embarrassed now, Senpai-san?

"W-Well, nice to meet you... Matsumoto-senpai."

"Y-Yeah... You too, Akamatsu-kun..."

...

That...

"That kind of feels weird, doesn't it? I can imagine that we can't get used to calling ourselves by our names," I said.

She chuckled, before eventually bursting out in laughter. I was not expecting this reaction. After all, it was already late for us to introduce ourselves to each others, so it would also take some time to even call ourselves by our names. After a bit, I also started to laugh at our own thoughtlessness.

We settled down eventually, catching our breaths.

"Wow, we really are stupid, aren't we?" she said as she down on the floor, hugging her legs and burying her face in-between.

"I couldn't agree more."

She wiped the tear that for forming on her eye due to laughter.

"Well, let's just refer to ourselves like normal." She stood up, and straightened her back and held her right hand in front of me. "Once again, it's nice to meet you again, Kouhai-kun!"

I took her hand and shook it.

"Same here, Senpai-san."

That was how my reunion with Senpai-san, aka Ayane Matsumoto, started. I wish I wouldn't expect much on this high school life of mine.