Chapter 26: "Just Like Heaven."

Severus held Circe's note in his hands. He read it again, staring down at her face, unmoving in the Muggle photograph. She smiled beguilingly at her eccentric front man, radiating energy and life and spirit. He absorbed the words again, painstakingly lingering over each letter, analyzing every syllable.

"'You've been in the house too long, she said'. Think about it. Please xx"

He grumbled to himself, noting the Smith's reference she'd slyly put in there. His fingers traced the "x"'s. Kisses. From her… He wondered again how she'd got it into his pocket. It was anyone's guess. He'd found it the evening after their clock tower conversation as he was undressing for bed, and he'd avoid her like the plague ever since. He'd even pulled a sickie just so he could sulk and fret his room, pacing the perimeter like a caged tiger. Countless times he'd scrunched up the flyer and thrown it away, only to fish out of the bin a few minutes later. And every time his eyes would find her face, his head would be sent spinning again.

Since their afternoon in the snow he'd found himself dreaming of Lily a lot. But not the screaming and vengeful banshee of his nightmares before. Now she seemed more at peace. Distant, beautiful and gone but now more serene and calm. When he found himself startling awake, hot tears in his eyes, he found that his tears came not from pain at seeing her face again, but rather from a place of happy remembrance. A wholly different yet equally powerful energy filled him whenever he saw Circe's face in that photograph. He realized, for the first time, that he adored Circe not because of how much like Lily she was, but because of how much she wasn't. The thought of falling for anyone other than Lily terrified him still, but it had rather happened despite his conscious wishes. Like watching the tide come in, and he a helpless sandcastle on the shore feeling the waves erode at his foundations. He could feel himself crumbling away for her, and he raged against his demise, but somehow longed for the embrace of the sea too.

He couldn't remember when he changed out of his wizarding robes, but he stood in front of his mirror staring back at his expressionless face. The flyer too was stuck to his mirror, again unsure how it had ended up there. He found Circe's face again and his stomach lurched.

Please, don't make me fall for you…. He thought as an aching gripped at his heart. It hurts so much.

Severus tugged at the lapels of his black jacket and looked himself up and down from boots to forehead. He cast a sour look back to Eileen Prince's picture on his desk.

"No word of encouragement this time, mother?" He asked bitterly.

Last time, before Circe's birthday party, he had fought. Fought against whatever compulsion drew him to her. Now, the fight had all but left him. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, thinking on how a chocolate yule log had got him into this agony.

"Fuck it." he whispered as he strode from his room.

He walked the Hogwarts halls like a man in a dream. It was late, and a Saturday, so mercifully there was no want to run into in his muggle attire. Yet he could not avoid prying eyes forever given his ignorance; he had never been to Manchester and therefore apparating there was a problem. He'd have to beg some floo powder off of Minerva and find a fireplace somewhere down in Hogsmeade. Severus knocked on her office door and waited. He heard raised, anxious voices in conversation behind it and listened for a brief moment. He frowned as he heard Minerva's voice arguing with that of a nervous sounding fellow.

"Granger should not be penalised because of one Neanderthalic thug, Minister."

Minister?! Is that Fudge? Severus thought, shaken from his introspective trance.

"We've been dredging that lake with our investigators all afternoon. Is she sure that it was in her satchel?"

"She was positive."

"So where the hell is it? We can't just leave a magical item like that to the grindylows!"

"And what exactly will happen if we do, Cornelius? The only people who know it's down there are you and I and even we can't find it!"

"I suppose you're right, Minerva." Fudge sighed.

"So, in terms of Grangers replacement…?" Mcgonagall prompted.

"I'll have another sent to you ASAP, alright?" He said exasperatedly.

"Thank you, minister." Minerva said primly.

Severus knocked on the door again, already feeling like he'd heard too much. Minerva invited him inside and the door swung open for him. True enough, there was the Minister for Magic standing deflatedly at Minerva's side.

"Oh, Severus!" Minerva exclaimed, unfolding her clasped hands and standing up from her desk.

"It's all right, Minerva." Fudge said with a small wave. "I think we're finished here. Just make sure that Crabbe boy is in detention for the rest of his natural bloody life."

"Vincent Crabbe?" Snape asked. "A Slytherin student? Surely this should have been referred on to me."

"Oh, I'll tell you Monday Severus." Mcgonagall said with a dismissive flutter of her sleeve. "Are you off somewhere?" She asked as she eyed him from head to toe. She couldn't quite keep the surprise from her face. Snape cleared his throat and looked shyly at his shoes.

"Anyway, I'm off." Fudge said in the silent pause. He shuffled out of the room, donning his bowler hat as Minerva gave him one last wave goodbye.

"I… um... Floo powder. Do you have any?" Snape asked awkwardly.

"OOh.." she delved into one of her desk drawers, muttering to herself as she searched. Eventually she plopped a velvety green drawstring pouch on the surface and smiled. "There! Take the whole thing. You'll need to walk down to Hogsmeade to find a fireplace in the floo network though. I think Rosmurta has a-"

"Yes… yes… I know." He said shortly, grabbing the purse. "Thank you."

"Where are you off to?" She asked again before he could turn to leave.

"Manchester."

"Oh… Meeting someone?" She pushed.

"Yes. Well… No. Just to watch them…"

"Excuse me?"

"A concert! Watch them at a concert…"

"Oh, I see!" Mcgonagall chuckled. "Goodness Severus, you had me concerned for a moment. Do tell Circe to "break a leg" from me, or whatever you say. Or is that just for the theatre?"

"I will." Severus said shortly, turning from her and striding out of the office.

But he froze in place as he realised Mcgonagall had tricked him into admitting he was going to meet Circe…

"She told you she was in Manchester tonight." He said as his skin turned red hot.

"Mmm hmm." Minerva confirmed with pursed lips. "Have a nice time. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." She concluded with a bright-eyed grin.

She waved her wand and her office door slammed in Snape's face. He was left standing in the corridor, consumed with mortification.

-----

Severus strode confidently out of the stage door of the Palace Theater in Manchester. He felt rather naked without his great black cloak swishing behind him and pulled nervously at the lapels of his leather jacket again. He was still a little sooty from his turn through the floo network, but he was otherwise unscathed. The ash on his boots was gone in seconds as he made his way down into Didsbury. The city traffic whirred by him in a cacophony of car horns, screeching tires and glaring headlights. For gone 8 o'clock the streets were still busy with pedestrians but Severus kept his hands in his pockets and his eyes downcast as he dodged and weaved among them.

Severus heard The Hacienda before he saw it. There was quite the crowd outside its doors, talking and smoking on the pavement, and every time the front doors opened a wave of noise would burst onto the street. He wondered how the girls stayed warm in their strappy tops, painfully short skirts and fishnet tights without warming charms. Muggle fashion was an absolute mystery to him.

The last time I voluntarily wore a bucket hat, I was four. He thought judgmentally.

Severus shouldered his way through the crowd to the box office.

A muggle girl sat behind the glass with four green butterfly clips in her hair, smothered in an oversized red and blue FILA sweatshirt. She looked at him over her oval sunglasses and asked Severus "Wot ya after, mate?" in a thick Mancunian accent.

"Umm… one adult for Weird Sisters please."

"Oh, mate, we're at full capacity for that gig t'night." She chewed on her gum, looking strikingly bovine.

"Do you call everybody "mate"?" Severus asked, his temper bubbling up.

The young girl blinked pointedly and purred "I can call ye "love" if ya like." As sweet as saccharine. "Still doesn't mean we've got enneh tickets left."

"Oh this is ridiculous. Look, I know the guitarist…"

"Ahh I've 'eard that one before. "I know the DJ, I know the drummer, I know the back up singers" blah blah blah..."

"Fucking hell!" He growled, thumping on the glass.

"Ere, watch it mate! Or I'll get the bouncers over." she said harshly, waving at the security to make good on her threat.

"Circe Smith, the guitarist?!" He asked, summoning his last shred of calm.

He eyed up the chunky egg-headed bouncer staring gruffly in his direction. He was all bulk and practically neckless. Severus gulped. To his surprise, the girl's eyes brightened and she looked up at him sharply.

"You do know her… Oh, wait…" She held up a finger at him and delved into the desk drawer at her side. Severus rolled his eyes and folded his arms impatiently over his chest. The girl pulled out a sealed envelope and peered at the words written on the front. "Are you Severus Snake?"

"Snape." He said through gritted teeth.

"Whatever. Yeah, she left this ticket for you during the soundcheck. Told me to look out for someone who looks like Trent Reznor." She laughed as she slid a single ticket through the postbox.

Snape grumbled something blue and snatched it up.

"Yer a bit late though, mate. They started about twenty minutes ago, I think. They must be killin' it. Sounds fuckin' mental in there."

The door to the club swung open and the roar of the crowd flooded outwards like a tidal wave of sound. Severus walked into the venue before the girl could draw him into any more conversation. Immediately he was hit by the noise, and the heat, and the scream of the guitars. The lights strobed around him, making him feel dizzy as he waved a hand in front of him. It looked like everything was in slow-motion. It felt to him like he was wading through thick black velvet, and so were the bouncing bodies of the crowd before him. Leaping upwards like salmon from a stream. The guitars screamed again and Severus snapped his head towards the stage. From where he stood he couldn't see who was on stage, but he recognised the tune of the hypnotic introduction to 'How Soon Is Now?'. It echoed in his head, as potent as any drug.

The dance floor was horrifically crowded and Severus skirted at its edges, hovering near a column. He tried to peer over the heads and through the outstretched arms of the fans, as dense as a forest of branches. He saw Myron leaning against his mic stand, singing into the device with a deep, lilting voice. He was seemingly ignoring the people grappling for his legs at the front of the crowd, lost in his own performance, but as he looked up and sang the chorus, he pointed the mic out over the crowd and the noise swelled as everybody sang along with him. Then, all at once, there was Circe staggering forward with her guitar in hands. Myron hooked her around the neck and pressed the mic to her mouth, inviting her to perform the next line.

She sang in her clear, melodic voice "I am human and I need to be loved/ Just like everybody else does!"

Seeing her hit him like a sledgehammer to the chest. He felt himself shrink back from the stage lights and back into the shadows. Panic rose up in him and he almost turned and left right then and there. Instead he opted to head for the bar, unable to keep his gaze steadfast on her without a stiff drink in him. He shoved his way through the amassed people to the front of the bar and hastily ordered a whiskey.

"You… you want a whiskey?" The confused barman asked.

"Is there something wrong with that?" Severus asked pointedly.

"Uhh it's just a bit of an… unusual order for a venue like this." he laughed. "This is more of a 'Bacardi Breezer' and 'Two Dogs' place."

"Fine, a beer then. Whatever." He said shortly.

The barman nodded and returned with a bottle of Fosters. Severus handed over a muggle note he'd saved from his childhood years, unsure of how much it was worth. It had taken quite a bit of searching to find something that he could use in a muggle place, but he had luckily found the crinkled note in his old school trunk. The barman looked down at it with a puzzled expression.

"Uhh…"

"Is there a problem?" Severus asked, unease rising in his chest again.

"Mate, this is a note for ten shillings. We haven't used non-decimal currency since nineteen seventy one."

Fuck…

"I uh…" Severus began to panic. He gripped at his wand, concealed in his jacket pocket, preparing himself to cast a confundus charm.

"Here you are, buddy." A feminine voice said beside him, slapping down a crisp ten pound note on the bar top. "And get us two more tequila slammers."

Severus turned to his side and saw a shock of pink hair. A young woman stood beside him, eyeing him up with a knowing grin on her face. Snape felt himself blushing fiercely, sweat already making his palms slick as he recognised the girl.

"Miss Tonks." He managed to choke out.

"Professor." She responded with a giggle. "Fancy seeing you here."

Severus cleared his throat awkwardly as the barman placed two orange shot glasses of tequila in front of them, with two lemon wedges and a salt shaker.

"Here's your change, love." He said to Tonks, handing back a few coins to her with a flirtatious smile.

"Cheers babe." She said, not even bothering to look at him. "Still not giving you my number…"

The young barman slumped away looking like a wounded puppy.

"Not up to scratch with your muggle money, Professor?" She asked Severus, picking up her lemon wedge.

Snape felt mortification seeping through his guts for the second time that night. Tonks was an ex-pupil of his. She'd only left Hogwarts a few years ago to intern in the British Auror Office. Was this allowed? Should he be socialising with her in this fashion? He didn't answer her, keeping his eyes firmly on his beer and the single tequila shot in front of him.

"Salt first. Then shot. Then lemon wedge." She said with a cheeky smile.

Severus turned to her, an eyebrow raised.

"Is this what they've been teaching you at the Ministry, Nymphadora?" He asked cynically.

"Don't call me Nymphadora!" She shouted. Her hair color seemed to ripple into red and purple and then back to pink. Otherwise unnoticeable in the club's flashing lights if Severus hadn't known of her shape shifting abilities. "I hated it when you called me that in Potions…"

I know. That's why I did it. He thought.

He picked up the shot and downed it in one, not bothering with the salt or lemon. He grabbed his beer and curtly nodded to her, trying to slip away from the bar.

"So, you know The Weird Sisters?" Tonks asked before he could slip back into the crowd. "I've been to a few of their gigs now."

"Goodbye, Miss Tonks." Severus said curtly. "I shall send you reimbursement for the drinks as soon as I'm back at Hogwarts."

He heard Tonks giggling at the bar, his discomfort obviously entertaining to her. How strange a world it was when Severus was the one being made uncomfortable by his own students…

The song came to an end and the crowd continued to roar in the quiet. Circe wiped herself with a towel and took a long swig of her drink. She squinted into the crowd and the bright lights blinded her. Myron shouted into his mic.

"How y'a doing, Hacienda?!"

The crowd screamed back. Circe smiled and waved.

"We're gonna do something a bit different now folks. I'm gonna take a step back and let my Sister in arms sing this next one."

The crowd shouted again and Circe looked up in alarm at Myron. She thought that they'd decided not to go with her stuff tonight.

"Myron, what the hell?" She whispered to him as he pulled her into another hug.

It had literally been last night that he and Circe had put the final flourishes on the song she'd been working on. Many cigarettes and bottles of wine later, lyrics and music had come together under both of their guidance. Eventually laying it all bare to Myron who it was who occupied her thoughts and kept her at Hogwarts. It was cathartic to finally get it out of her, and for her old friend to know and understand how intense her feelings were. Articulated into something that made sort of sense out of the scramble that was her head. It was still fresh. It was still raw. And at the last minute she'd panicked and decided not to push Myron to perform it.

"He ain't here, Cee. You said he told you he wasn't coming." He whispered back to her. He didn't know of her note, or the ticket she'd left at the box office. It was a desperate grasp at hope, and one she expected to find in tatters at the end of the night when she asked the box office girl if anyone had come to collect it. "Come on...It's good. I like it."

"But what if they don't like it?" She looked nervously out at the waiting crowd.

"Then fuck 'em."

Circe nodded and slowly approached the mic stand, staring out across the waiting faces. They all looked rather strangely like dementors in the dazzle of the stage lights, as Circe could barely make out one face among them, shrouded in dark as they were. She absent mindedly started tuning her guitar as she began her preamble.

"Umm… y'allright Manchester?" She said, rather less confidently into the mic as Myron had. The audience response, however, was just as enthusiastic and her confidence came back a touch. "This song's about a…. gentleman friend."

A whistle came from the crowd.

"Oi, shuddup!" Circe shot back with a laugh. "Yeah, someone who I feel very strongly for, but for the life of me I can't quite figure him out. And we're never quite on the same page…"

She looked back at her strings, lost in thought for a moment as she made the last tuning corrections on her guitar. Lost somewhere in the crowd, Severus's stomach lurched inside him.

"Anyway, hope you enjoy it."

-----

Circe practically flew to the green room once the gig was done. She had a quick shower and changed into something fresh: already having chosen an oversized brownish-yellow plaid shirt to throw over a white vest top, paired with her high-waisted blue jeans as her post-gig outfit. Myron was beguiling a few of the girls who'd come to the stage door and Circe thought it best to leave him to his grafting. Somewhere towards the end of the last few numbers, she'd spotted a bobbing head of pink hair out in the darkness, beyond the stage lights, and she knew instantly who it was. The DJ had taken over for the night now and Circe blended into the dancing crowd as the strobes flickered away and the pounding music thumped in her chest. She looked around for the shock of pink hair and smiled broadly as she spotted it again, weaving her way through the dancefloor, making a beeline to the girl she'd spied. She was at the bar, buying more drinks and talking to the eager-beaver barman with too many chat-up lines that Circe too had met before the gig. Circe lept on her back, taking her by surprise and squealed in her ear.

"Tonks, you fart-knocker! How are you?"

Tonks wheeled around, Circe still on her back, laughing in delight. She hopped off and Circe took her old friend into a strong hug. It had been a rather long time since the two women had seen each other. But their unusual friendship from their school days still burned strong, despite their age gap. Tonks had been in her First Year when Circe and Myron had been in their last. But the eccentric, oddball had fallen into their friendship group as naturally as if she had been their peer. Circe rather looked at her as if she was a younger sister, having looked out for her since she was eleven years old. Keeping the pure-blood Slytherin bullies off Tonks's back when they found out her mother was a Black, encouraging her to morph into Professors to buy them all beer down in Hogsmeade, duelling together in the club to test each other's wand skills when Tonks had told her she wanted to be an Auror when she grew up. Tonks was very much part of Circe's surrogate magical family.

"Circe! Oh, I've missed you." Tonks sighed as they rocked in their embrace.

"How was it? The gig?" Circe asked, gesturing towards the stage. "I'm gonna fucking kill Myron, I asked him to leave those whiz-bangs in the green room. Can't believe he hid them in his sleeves! Do you think the Ministry will be on to us?"

"It was brilliant, Cee. Best one you've done so far. Don't worry about the Ministry, I'll take care of it." Tonks replied, giving her a sly wink of her eye. "Where is Myron?" She asked, looking around the venue.

"Oh, chatting up some girls backstage. Thought I'd get out of there before I was forced to walk in on some kind of threeso-"

Circe came to a grinding halt as Severus turned around from the bar to face her. Her jaw almost hit the floor as she saw his face, and he stared back at her feeling like he was bright red and sweating from every pore in his body.

"S-Severus." she stuttered.

She hadn't recognised him in his muggle clothes, standing at the bar with his back to her.

"Yeah, look who I found at the bar trying to buy drinks with money that's over twenty years out of date!" Tonks said teasingly.

"Miss Tonks won't let me leave…" Severus said weakly, shifting his eyes to the floor. "She keeps buying me drinks despite my protestations..."

"Haha, every time I go to the bar he follows me to ask what else I need to add to his debt! I think he feels a bit weird about the whole "ex-pupil" thing…" Tonks whispered into Circe's ears. "It's just fun to see his awkward little face after all those years of Potions detentions." she added, descending into snorts of laughter.

Tonks might as well have not said anything to Circe though. All she could do was stare slack-jawed at Snape, completely oblivious to all else around her

"You came, Severus." Circe breathed.

She felt elated. Ecstatic. A smile bloomed on her face despite Snape's shifty glances from his shoes to her bright eyes.

Oh god, he must have heard the song… she realised as a look of sickening alarm replaced her smile.

"Yes well, I thought I'd rather been in the house too long." Severus muttered, just about managing to look Circe in the eye for a second as a coy smile tugged at the side of his mouth.

Circe laughed, despite her embarrassment. She hoped that she'd left her lyrics vague enough that he hadn't twigged anything.

"Did you enjoy the gig?" She asked probingly.

"It was… an experience." He replied enigmatically.

He began clenching and unclenching his hands again. It suddenly felt sweltering in the club.

"Circe!" A voice called from over the noise of the venue.

They all turned as one and saw Lupin pushing through the crowd, hands in his pockets.

"Remus, you're here too!" She said.

It finally struck her just what a surreal situation this was. Severus the Potions Master and Remus the werewolf in a muggle music venue in Manchester, for her gig… It was like seeing a pair of crocodiles in the Arctic. They weren't quite diminished beyond recognition, but they weren't quite their wonderful, magical selves.

"Well I said I would be, didn't I? Well done, mate." Lupin said, giving her a pat on the arm.

"Cheers."

Severus stiffened at Lupin's presence and his back straightened as he tried to make himself taller than his perceived opponent. Circe cleared her throat as she looked from one to the other.

Oh for god sake, we're still doing this, are we!? She thought.

Tonks pulled at her sleeve, drawing her away from her chastising thoughts.

"Oh, sorry. Remus this is Tonks. Tonks this is Remus Lupin." She said hurriedly. "Remus is the new DADA Professor at Hogwarts. Tonks works for the Ministry as an Auror."

"Hi." Tonks stepped in front of Circe, batting her eyelashes and taking Lupin's hand into a firm handshake. "I'm a trainee Auror, actually." She continued as her hair turned sunny yellow.

Remus shook back wordlessly, utterly transfixed by her. Even from a few steps away, Circe felt the sparks fly between them. It was like watching a storm on the horizon: not caught directly inside it, but able to feel it wreaking havoc somewhere nearby.

Circe laughed, amazed at Tonk's boldness. She'd always known Tonks was a terminal flirt, but seeing it in action (especially against her friend, Remus) was an interesting spectacle to behold. It left even her feeling a little breathless...

So much for the 'pine siblings'. Circe thought with a snort.

She turned to Severus, eyes wide, trying to impart her incredulity at him. Both of them stood in silence, staring at one another with sly smiles as the lights played off their faces. Remus was the first to break the spell.

"What are we thinking for the rest of the night, Circe?" He asked.

"I wasn't going to-" Severus muttered.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" Circe said quickly, interrupting whatever Severus was about to say. The noise suddenly became too loud, the lights suddenly too garish. "I know somewhere on the Oxford Road a little-"

"Quieter?"

"Exactly."

She took Severus's hand before he could come up with an excuse, and led him out of the club with a warm smile.

He didn't resist her, letting her lead him away by the hand. She felt soft and comforting and he prayed she didn't mind too much that he was clammy and cold. Like a lot of things that night, he just let it happen. He'd rather enjoyed seeing her, he conceded. When he was hidden and concealed in the crowd, calmer partly due to Tonks's alcohic imbuements. When he could watch her without her knowing of his presence. She was good. Very good, in fact. He wasn't quite brave enough to admit to himself that she might have talked of him in her music.

It could all just be creative liberties, after all. He thought, and Severus had never been one to make leaps of faith. But there was one particular phrase in her song that had resonated with him. A line that could have been penned by himself. It seemed rather ironic that it was this phrase that filled his mind as she stood before him, his hand clasped in hers. He never wanted her to let go, hoping that they'd stay lost in the crowd of The Hacienda forever. As she led him towards the exit, she still held his hand firm. This was the longest physical touch they'd ever shared...

"Why are you so far away, she said.

Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you."